Today...

My dear friend who is not a declared alcoholic will come over to work the steps with me.  I'm nervous, happy & scared a little, but I do trust that my HP is here and loves me, and I have hope that she will see that if nothing else.

I asked my son the question I've been afraid to ask him.  I was scared of the answer and to look the pain I may have caused him in the face.  I asked him if he was afraid of me.  I asked him if, because of my past behaviors and the way I've acted in his life, if he's afraid of me.  If, when I still get upset or mad these days, he is afraid I would hurt him, or lose it, or act crazy like I used to in the past.  In my last drinking days, he called me as scary as "The Hulk".  Other times, he would just tell me "you're different, and I don't like it".  I have worked so hard this past year to live the amends he is owed.  I have consistently kept my HP and spiritual meditation in the front of my mind when things are chaotic, kids act like kids, through sickness, broken bones, tantrums and the like.  Today, one day shy of 1 yr of sobriety, I asked the question I was still afraid to hear the answer to - and he looked at me with a smile, and said one word:  Trust

Thank you all for being here for me.