This morning I read that alcoholics will often go to every length possible to convince themselves that they are normal drinkers - that somehow our destructive and obsessive behavior is something we can control if we really want to. I was pretty amused when I read this, because the author noted that alcoholics will try everything to control their drinking, and sometimes the things we do become outright absurd.
Some of the examples the author mentioned were very close to home, such as swearing only to drink on weekends, swearing only to drink after 5pm, and swearing only to drink beer and wine. Reading this made me think about all of the ridiculous limits I have set for myself in an attempt to be a normal drinker. These include:
1) I once swore I would only drink vodka martinis, and would limit it to 2 per day
2) I once swore I would only drink red wine, because it is good for the heart
3) I once swore I would only drink beer, because what casual drinking looks like on TV
4) I once swore I would only drink really expensive whisky so I couldnt buy a lot at a time
5) I once swore I would only drink at bars so I wouldnt drink in excess
6) I once swore I would only drink when I was on vacations
7) I once swore I would only drink within the confines of Weight Watchers points
8) I once swore I would only drink while cooking dinner
9) I once swore I would only drink after eating large meals
10) I once swore I would only drink between the hours of 5pm-7pm
I could go on and on because in every one of these circumstances I failed miserably and ended up binging until I was stupid drunk. And then the next day I would wake up and feel like total crap, which would be my excuse to start drinking earlier in the day.
The reality of my alcoholism finally sunk in a little over a year ago when I read the book Drinking: A Love Story. In it, Caroline Knapp wrote that people who can control their drinking dont lay awake in the middle of the night obsessing over it. That was in many ways my big aha moment - because it made me realize that people who can control their drinking dont need to make a conscious and painful effort to do so.
By the way, tomorrow is six weeks :D
-Adam
-- Edited by AdamMoz on Saturday 23rd of March 2013 06:46:44 PM
-- Edited by AdamMoz on Saturday 23rd of March 2013 06:47:38 PM
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
We used to read the following part of the big book at every beginner's meeting, so this is what I thought of when I read your post:
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
The biggest lie for most of us is that we are really interested in becoming social drinkers and just want to have "a few". I really doubt if this prospect really appeals to anyone here if they really think it through.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Congrats on six weeks Adam!!...They do cover this in the Big Book...Like everything else. They didn't miss much when it comes to alcoholism.
Page 31
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.
