Well it sounds like you are willing to accept whatever comes your way. It also sounds like you understand the dangers of the emotional roller- coaster.
Bring the HP for sure, not everyone has a program :).
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
In prayer and support,, I remember my 2 divorces. 1st I was the hurter,, 2nd I was the hurtee.....both were a major emotional rollercoastes,,,keep working ,more will be revealed....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Take along the Al-Anon Family Group Hot Line number for her area and just lay it on the table there. Maybe she'll call and may be not. She can get her head put back on straight again and maybe find the sanity the 2nd step talks about.
Imo, the "Big Guy" doesn't do relationships lol. They're optional. What's not optional is sobriety. Seems to me that you are now single and a born again new comer. If it were me, I'd pull a year on my own, get back to a position of strength so that I could deal with relationships (or not) based on well balanced life.
Gotta agree with the year sober first suggestion...There's a reason they suggest it. Romance and Finance...They knock more people out of early sobriety than anything I've seen. Who knows?...You may have a completely different outlook with a year under your belt. I know for myself...I had a lot of work to do on me the first year...Forget about involving someone else. Good luck...Whatever you choose.
Hi Adam, I always get a bit confused over this no relationhips in the first year thing. When I came in the advice was "no emotional involvements for the first two years". It doesn't form part of the AA program, it came from our local treatment center.
I was taught something different, that people have feet of clay. In other words sooner or later they will let me down. If I chase relationships with the idea of my emotional welfare being dependent on another person, I am headed for trouble. If/when she leaves or doesn't live up to my expectations in some otherway my whole world would come crashing down around my ears, and naturally I would turn to my old higher power.
My sponsor and AA group didn't try to run my personal life, they helped me through the steps to put me in touch with a power greater than myself that would solve all my problems. That was the important thing, without a spiritual experience, alcoholics of my type don't recover, regardless of any other circumstance or person in our lives.They knew the folly of telling a 22 year old, randy adolescent with and emotional age of 13, driven by uncontrolled instinct, to stay away from girls. They let me make my mistakes and helped me to learn from them, rather than drink over them. And all along sobriety remained my number one priority.
Within about three months I was working step 9 and the obsession with alcohol was removed and has never returned. With alcohol out of the picture, I was then free to grow up, a slow process it's true, but impossible when I was drinking.
I always get a bit confused over this no relationhips in the first year thing. When I came in the advice was "no emotional involvements for the first two years". It doesn't form part of the AA program, it came from our local treatment center.
There is no such rule or precept in AA: "No relationships in the first year."
There is a notion of "No new relationships in the first year," aka "No big decisions in the first year."
It probably did come from the treatment folks. It's not an AA concept, that's for sure. It's basically counseling advice that has become AA lore. People trot out this advice in a simplistic manner, as it has the luster of AA "wisdom." People even give this advice EVEN WHEN THE NEWBIE ALKIE IS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHEN HE COMES IN.
Weird.
Fyne Spirit wrote:
My sponsor and AA group didn't try to run my personal life, they helped me through the steps to put me in touch with a power greater than myself that would solve all my problems.
That's the way things should be. Sponsors and fellow AAers are very seldom qualified as relationship counselors. I mean, really, if you knew a friend who needed some relationship counseling, would you send that person to an AA meeting? LOL.
Philipld wrote:
I was allready in a relationship...
It was just put on hold for a few days...
Yeah, I can't figure out why so many people are suggesting terminating an existing relationship.
Makes no sense, except as enthusiastically casual relationship (not sobriety) advice.
