Hi folks. I am working on step four with my sponsor. I don't know how else to put it, but I feel really yucky. Just mired in the crap that that is coming out. Any advice on feeling a bit better through this process?
theres no such thing as an original sin. whatever you have done,said, or thought.it all been done before. yup, it can be painful, but it aint gonna hurt. you werent a bad person. you were sick. bad people wouldnt get the feelings you are having. what i tell my sponsees to do when it gets a lil too overwheling is to stop and back up a step. pray to God to give ya the courage to change the things you can. FEAR= Fuck Everything And Run..or... Face Everything And Recover. Hold On Pain Ends
Yes Ruby I can relate - and it did feel a little yucky for me too - until a got a little bit further down the road. In hind sight - I see that getting through these steps is suppose to feel a little yucky so it can finally feel better. You must be doing it right : ) Be gentle to you, as gentle as you would be to someone else who is feeling like you... we'll keep you in our prayers.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I felt the same way- mired in the muck. I felt that way for maybe a week after doing step 5, too. I talked to others about it to reassure myself that this was fairly common. For me, it wasn't so much that I thought I had done anything all that unforgivable, it was more facing the insanity and stripping the excuses of that insanity away. It was on me. For the first time I really saw that all of these things that were happening to me, or things I was reacting to we're within my control. The booze was not, and how the booze influenced my sanity was not- but I had to take responsibility for things. I think I grew up a lot, and it was painful and unpleasant at times. BUT well, well worth it:) I cannot imagine being that person I was prior to the 4th and 5th step now.
For me the 1st thing I looked at was my motivation..Why was I doing this(beyond what I knew and was told)
1)did I have reservations about this step?(oh yeah A LOT.....)
2)what were the benefits that would come from this( did I see positive or negative?)
3)why I should not procrastinate here at this Step...(a great character issue for me in my bag of tricks)
Next I kind of knew about what a " searching" inventory meant but Fearless? Yes having the courage to face my fear and to be completely honest.Was very important for me to not project to next STEP where I would divulge this info.(I would say God,how will I ever tell anybody this stuff???? Remember that the God of my understanding already knew all the "stuff" and was the guide in my Fear.........I also realized that I was going to make even more changes in my life,to address the destructive patterns that were there. and I needed the strength to do that..... .I allowed myself to be afraid, but allowed my HP to guide me.I also had to understand what MORAL meant for me. It really wasn't about specific codes of societal norms , judgement of other maybe authority figures. It was what I had to do to discover my own individual morality,my values and principles.What were those?Was it positive/negative? Spiritual principles I applied for me were ones of willingness,honesty,trust,faith and principles from our foundation 1-3. The original inventories back in old days included assets(12&12 does mention our great natural assets and our sponsors may point out assets that can be noted with our liabilities), suggestions.!... In general the rooms vernacular is to not include assets and the BB also only refers to trusting an infinite God rather than ourselves(I actually see that as an asset I didn't always have)Again check with your sponsor.. .(you can look history up on that if you want ASSETS ON EARLY INVENTORY LISTS and only 6 Steps)I always remind myself though that even through it all I am a sick person getting better and not a bad person getting good(my stuff). I did find out after I was complete and ready to sit with my 2nd sponsor(he would hear my 5th) that I had all kinds of emotions but by going thru the inventory(there are many guides on the exact way suggested in BB how to do your inventory and other readings)I addressed feelings of exhilaration uncomfortability but a definite sense of accomplishment and the grace to move forward..
This is my stuff and what has worked for me....Suggestions that helped me were to Be Searching(honest,openminded,willing)Fearless(moving forward knowing my Higher Power was there for me)Moral(what did that mean for me in the whole sense of the word and my understanding) In prayer and support,,,it really is an exciting,exhilarating(to say the least) period,,the growth will be something you will look back on as you revisit the Step again and again thru your LIFE!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hi folks. I am working on step four with my sponsor. I don't know how else to put it, but I feel really yucky. Just mired in the crap that that is coming out. Any advice on feeling a bit better through this process?
YES, ... Get to the fifth ASAP ... ... ... in the fourth, it's like we have to go to the 'landfill' where we dumped all our past garbage and dig that crap up ... ... ... in the fifth, sixth, ad seventh steps we learn to dispose of it 'for-good' ... this should all be done together in my opinion ... and it's at this point in the steps , that one of our 'great burdens' is lifted ... ... ...
Try not to dwell in doing the fourth step ... move through it at a steady pace ... then set a time to do your fifth, immediately followed by your sixth and seventh ... I received immediate relief after the seventh ... and my sponsor only gave me about a week's break before moving along to the eighth ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What I've been told and what I experienced is to remember that every defect also has an asset. We have not been so evil and wrong as much as we have been unbalanced. I also had to remember that I felt like crap coming into AA so really did the 4th step have any power at all to make me feel bad? Not really. I did all the stuff. I was the one that acted that way. It wasn't like it was some huge secret. I was already carrying the shame and guilt and baggage around.
Look at it like this. You are just gathering all the baggage and yucky crap so that you can then be prepared to throw it out. That is not a bad thing it's good.
At worst, it could seem scary cuz you don't know how your HP will mold you into something different, but no matter what, you never have to be that same person again. In fact, through doing this, you ensure you wont be.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
