I can see the vision of 'FOOTSTEPS" when there was only one set of footprints in the sand,the God of my understanding didn't leave,he was carrying me through the pain and anguish. When my wife and I (we share the same faith beliefs and always involve the God of our understanding in all situations first,to the best of our ability)had prayed as we were about to put our  20 year old son on the street, struggling with hard core heroin addiction after setting final boundaries and doing what we thought was a last option for him and us. He had literally died from bad cut in his dope,incurred thousands of dollars in ICU units(of which they said we were responsible)had robbed us of charge cards,wedding bands,jewelery his sisters valuables and anyone in his path to get his next one causing severe financial strain thousands of more dollars.etc,but that part was the least of our heartache..He..Was 90lbs and killing himself and we were going under with him.My then decades of recovery was shaken to the core and it was truly our Faith in God that held us together.As we cried and prayed to just sleep so we could physically,mentally and spiritually recover each day the miracle of God's grace overwhelmed us.With the separation from our son who was on the streets,,we were able to rely even more on our God being in care of the situation.Through God's grace  I was personally able to make that decision to truly surrender my will  to the care of God ,not just in a rote saying or prayer but from within.My wife also ,was able to resume some form of a life going forward ,her faith always strong,probably not as erractic as mine..The road was long, we were daily finding recovery from our grief and in turn the true blessing was my son being arrested and taken to jail where he cold turkeyed for like the 3rd time.He took more time to finally surrender to his sickness and I was an active member of Nar-Anon wearing a few hats as one from his own addiction and the parent of..I personally founs that is seemed easy to be cool in the good times but I would go off the wall in times of stress.We know that worrying is a lack of faith,easy to say harder, but not impossible to do.It was a period where our Higher Power imprinted on us that there were always be trials,thats called life on lifes terms but it is how we let the trials affect us is the discerning point. We try and not waste the trials of our lives but seek thru prayer and communication what God may be trying to show us.Do I still stumble and fall? absolutely,I am human and still resort back to learned behaviors in a stressful situation,but based on the evidence,feeling the prescense of my Higher Power and haven been receprient of that grace I stay there only briefly and seek that Power immediately....A favorite spiritual writing of mine(ours actually) says  to" not be anxious in anything but in all things with prayer and supplication,bring our petitions before God and a peace that surpasses all understanding will come over us through God"......Its not just a cool saying or words of wisdom,it is real for us ,for me and I can continually find peace as I allow my spirit to remain in contact..My son is in a stable recovery,we are in each others lives,always having unconditional love for each other though the wounds take time to heal as WE are forgiven so we also forgive..I will lift you in support and prayer and truly believe With God ,all things are possible.This is not about any religious format this is a spirituality of a loving and caring relationship with the God of my understanding.What doesn't kill us ,makes us stronger??possibly but allowing That Power to lead by light is our road to peace even when its falling apart around us...Have a blessed and productive day ,more will always be revealed.......:)

Great, Great testimony Mike f ... I always love to hear of you and your wife's faith in God ... in fact I enjoy everyone that shares this common belief ... I know for a fact that it was the 'fellowship' of AA that SHOWED ME WHAT FAITH COULD ACCOMPLISH ... and you know what ??? it was a lot more than just the miracles of a bunch of men and women getting and staying sober ... we prayer for each other in time of grave illness too ... and have seen other forms of miracles come of it ... if you don't believe??? ... just stick around a while and keep your eyes open ... the miracles are all around us ...

Agnostic when I came in, quite anti-God, I soon picked up that this was a spiritual program and faith/belief in some kind of higher power was an essential part of the deal. I first put my toe in the water with the most simple child like prayers and a mind open enough to follow my sponsor's suggestion of looking for the results. When I looked I began to see. Third step "theory" did nothing for me, it was beyond my intellectual capacity to grasp some of the tripe they were babbling about. Instead I kept on with my simple prayers and my attitudes were changed for me.

Ever the Skeptic, I like to see tangible "proof", and this I was presented with on more and more occasions and so my faith began to build. After the 5th step, I went away and reviewed the work so far and I remember reading the 5th step promises and realising that the book was describing exactly what happened for me. My faith grew.

As I got older, my life began to change in ways that happen to all people. Loved ones, people on whom I had placed great reliance, passed away, and others became reliant on me. As each challenge came along, prayer and action on our steps carried me through and my faith grew. In recent years I have been face to face with tragedy and death, and my faith grew. I have seen great examples of faith an selflessness from those on their deathbed, and my faith grew.

Then I read a passage in the Big Book that made sense of it all and gave the reason why my faith had become so strong. Through good times and bad I remained ever willing to help another alcoholic. And the passage told me that that is what is required to survive in this world.

P14: "My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge hisspiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that."

So 7 years ago when I received the most dreadful news that my lovely wife had a terminal illness, I reacted sanely and normally. Alcohol did not present itself as a solution, instead I behaved much as any normal person would behave. My faith, with its roots so deeply buried in the passage above, never wavered.

This is testament to the power of spritual experience, God's power. Those that take the steps honestly and thoroughly and connect with their higher power, get taken to a different place. Those that don't, or haven't yet, when the bad thing happens often turn to their old higher power.

God bless,
MikeH.

You deserve a lot more credit for sticking with God through this period of time Colleen ... ... ... you were on shaky ground and Alex did what you were thinking of doing ... WOW ... you had to pull some kind of 'faith' out of your ass to get through all that ... I know this for a fact, I walked in those shoes too ... I planned it all out, had everything ready ... pulled the hammer back on the gun and stuck it in my mouth ...

Like you Col, somewhere in my head, a voice told me that I was being a coward and going to leave a mess, no pun intended, for everyone else to clean up ... and then the thought of what would be put on my 'gravestone' bothered the shit out of me ... 'Here lies Roger, who cared more for a drink, than he did for any one other thing or person in his life, such a sad existence' ... and the voice told me, it doesn't have to be this way ...

Thanks Colleen ... ... ... for the trip back in time ... I really needed that ... it's a very sobering thought ... Oh man, to think it took every one of those drinks to get me to where I am today ... I really do thank God for His/Her patience with me ... and I pray I might be useful in helping some other person who is still suffering ...