Pamphlet:  http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

My sponsor showed this to me when we first met - she asked if I had any questions beyond what was covered here.  I thought a thread on sponsorship would be helpful for those who have questions or who are trying to work the steps currently alone.

One of the questions I had and bucked at was if I had to do exactly as my sponsor says all the time.  I was afraid to get a sponsor, because I was NOT in love with authority (haha) and it seemed to me like just another person who was going to try and tell me what to do!  Well... some sponsors do tell you just what to do.  Some do just strickly share their experience... others provide a balance, and I found for myself, since I had such an adversity toward anyone telling me what to do - and then worse... never listening when they did even just to spite them... even if I thought it was good advice, I still HAD TO know better and on and on my disease grew... balance was best.  It allowed me to be humble and grow up slowly.

So for me to grow up a little, I had to actually have a sponsor first and for most.  I had to then actually call her and allow her to give me feedback and direction.  I had to slowly start to see that trying something different, or taking someone's suggestions wasn't so much good for me as far as the suggestion, but more so that I was listening to someone else for the first time.  I am an adult child.  My parents couldn't tell me what to do... and no one has been able to since then!  This was the first time in my life I let someone else in and sort of 'parent' me for a while.  For a breif time I reveled in the childish notion of someone truly caring for me for the first time in my life.  I believe in some ways I actually regressed, but it was important for me to feel like a loved child... that's why I am HERE!  : )

Slowly I started to take responsibilty for myself as my love bank filled up.  I knew a HP loved me like parent would a child.  (For me at the time, my HP was just my recovery group).  I was able to love myself more and more as I began taking some direction - which mostly involved doing the readings she suggested - writing out my steps - meetings and meeting up with her once a week and calling her every day for a few weeks.  She wanted to know that I was committed, and also really get to know me.  She shared that she knew I would probably feel like a burden to call every day if I wasn't told to.  I spit and sputtered at every bit of it, but I wanted the peace and serenity and joy she exemplified... I for the first time in my life... was WILLING to listen.

First she had me pray to be willing... I didn't know what I was praying to... and there again... I grew as I stepped outside of my comfort zone... and took some direction.

Slowly I grew up a little.  Slowly my spirit healed.  I worked the steps, and I felt the release that I always longed for... which in my opinion was a peace and understanding of my past... finally I was able to forgive, and shut the door.  Now I can open it and peek back when I forget why I'm here and begin to think I'm 'all better'.  That's when I think I can let up on working my program - which consists of daily readings, daily meditation, daily run through of all the steps "the quicky" and keeping my side of the street clean... when I am wrong, admitting it, and apologizing, and keeping a clean street in other words... not adding to the mess anymore and just leting it pile up.  I can look back now, to remember why I am here, but not to feel sorry for myself, or feel a victim, or have an excuse anymore.  It's just part of the story now, and I am beginning to focus more on writing a new one - it feels GOOD!