My father is still an active alcoholic, but does not appear as society does portray. He's college educated, drives a brand new car, has his own CPA office and has successfully worked as a business owner in that fashion for 30 years. He has never had a DWI, he has never been a shame publicly as a drunken father.

He has a thinking disease, and he passed that down to me in 2 ways. First... the thoughts and distorted visions of life... and then genetically as I too have the disease of alcoholism. I also do not look like an alcoholic "should"? I am also college educated. I am a music teacher and a mother. I wear dress pants and blouses each day. I take care of my appearance, and I also drive a brand new car. I am a hobby farm owner - and an advocate for holistic living. All this, while actively just a drunk. I didn't look the part at all... and I even had myself convinced through all of it, that it couldn't be possible! Just look at me!

Well - what it looks like on the outside means nothing. It's what on the inside... and of course, that is what's passed on to us even if we are not alcoholic, as adult children of alcoholics.

Alcoholism is an allergy of the body. Part 1: If I take one drink, I have no control over how many more I take. Hard to believe it could be possible since I seemingly am in control of my arms and what goes into my body in every other way shape and form. But that is the truth of it, when it comes to alcohol, I have different behaviors. Insane ones. I can not control the amount of alcohol I consume once I first take a drink. Part 2 is that I have an obsession of the mind. When I am not drinking... I am wishing that I was, even though I don't want to be.

In other words, if I drink, I'm screwed. If I don't drink, I'm screwed.

I can not live happily with it - or without it. I don't see a way out and things get worse and worse the harder I try. Finally, things get bad enough to the point that I stop trying to stop drinking on my own, and surrender to help. I admit defeat. I can't do it anymore. Something snaps inside of me and I know finally that I am broken. Some actually appear very very broken... but I did not happen to be one of those. Lots of people I sit with in AA meetings do not fit the image we have in our minds when they get to the rooms. They are doctors, lawyers, wives, husbands, professionals and farmers... this disease doesn't care who you are or what you do. Some of us don't lose it all, and we are closet drinkers (that was me). Others do lose it all - and it's very very sad. They are so beaten up sometimes, that they don't feel worth help. AA still welcomes them the same as the doctor who drives in with a 50 thousand dollar car. We are equal. I am no better than the bum under the bridge. We have the same infliction, and the same solution. The steps.

Finally we get to the point of GRRRR - I SURRENDER! I CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT ON MY OWN AND I NEED HELP!

That is when I came to AA to recover from the obsession of the mind. The allergy will always be there, hence I can never go back to drinking safely. The obsession can be lifted and removed with the steps and a HP, and that is where I begin to know what freedom from self is. What freedom to chose is. What peace and serenity are. I can't know this before AA because of my disease. Now I know a new peace that I have never known... from that alcoholic thinking - which is a mental disorder medically recognized. The steps are so powerful, that they now are used for 64 different ailments, and work magically for adult children and the like. They work for over eaters, and exercise addicts. They work for those addicted to thrills. They work for people who's family's are addicted to things, and friends who are addicted to things. They work!

Today I am just here to carry the message. You are free to take what you like and leave the rest...  this is not a popularity contest. I am okay with not everyone liking me today. That is freedom! I am okay with LOVING everyone equally today - THAT is FREEDOM!

Breaking the cycle and arresting it in 2 forms in my family feels really good. This is something that has been passed down for an unknown amount of generations, and while I can't stop my children from being genetically predisposed to the physical allergy and mental obsession that alcoholics are born with, I can say that I am now an example of how to think and behave differently - and live happily with my alcohlic disease, and my condition of being an adult child of an alcoholic.

Ways of coping, living healthy, spirituality, and a whole beautiful world of things I've learned in recovery have not only arrested my diseases - but will be an example for my children that will break this long chain and cycle of illness.

That is the promise of this program, and I have lived to reap the promises... and therefore my children will always know it's available to them. I am so grateful for my life, my family, and my family of choice here in recovery... you.

2grandd's: That is amazing... how did they end up in rehab?

Pappy: Thank you for the love, and you know what, I have spend time worrying about my kids in my short 10 months of sobriety. The later half of that time has shown me relief from worry. I trust and do have faith that everything will be as it's suppose to be today. I see them following a new example already in just a few months time... and if they go down the harder path some day... they will always know where to turn for help.

MikeH: Yes, it took me admitting that I'm alcoholic, and finally when my husband told my father that I am alcoholic and that I was going to go to AA and that there was hope... he called to wish me well and show support to me. I had many calls through out the day from my family who all wanted to talk to me about it. I was feeling so grateful but so overwhelmed that everyone now knew of my decade old secret. By the time my father called, I was weary and it was late... I told him I loved him and that I appreciated his words of love, but that I was getting tired and that it was hard to talk about with so many people in one day who didn't understand and weren't alcoholic. I included him in that category, out of respect for him, because he had never said he was alcoholic even after my mother left him of a 15 yr marriage due to his constant binge drinking the minute he arrived home from work until he passed out - never there for her or us... just sat alone in the basement to drink. He said to me on the phone that day "You think I'm not an alcoholic??? I AM AN ALCOHOLIC! He boldy stated! I KNOW what you are going through! He said... and I began to cry for HIM... as I knew how difficult those words are to say the first time." I pretended to have a cold, and my care taking role kicked in, and I began to let him speak - because as always - I'm the parent making sure the parent is okay. Also, I cared for him as a fellow, and since then we've had many conversations about the drinking escapades, and of course that all ended when he became diabetic... but even still... he can not give up drinking his beer - he couldn't while he had cancer - he has heart disease and diabetes and is just barely out of the woods with cancer... and is still drinking his "daily allowance". I was drinking my "daily allowance" in the end too. It's the very worst and most miserable kind of drinking - when your body is SCREAMING GIVE ME MORE - but you are too sick to do it...

Tomas: Bless you and your family. Keep coming back!

I remember hearing a woman speaker, some time back, who shared that she couldn't have asked for a better upbringing, she had been married to the same man for 37 years, had not ever been to jail or a psych hospital, had not ever gotten a dwi or in a car accident, had always been a faithful member of her church, she had surely not ever been homeless or ate in a soup line any where.  I was relatively new in the program.

How the heck is this person qualifying herself as a "real alcoholic" (the words she used when she introduced herself and stated she had been sober for over 16 years).

After the meeting I approached her to thank her for sharing her story, which by the way, had a lot about what its like now, and not much about her drunkenness in the years before.  Then I asked her... You never experienced all the things I have such as homeless, jails, dwi's, divorces, nut huts, etc... how the heck did you come up with the idea you belonged in AA?"  She smiled a charming smile and told me, "if you can sit with me and listen for 15 minutes, I will tell you how".  I did, and she did.

She told me about an internal bottom, on a mental and emotional, and spiritual level that made my bottom look like a out door picnic, a walk in the park.  By the time she was done with me, I would never in my life trade my bottom for hers.  Mine was a bad, real bad experience... her's was a nightmare from hell.

She asked me... "how are you qualifying yourself as a alcoholic?"  I replied, "well, I have gotten 7 dwi's."  She smiled that smile again and said, "thats not a qualifier.  You might need to just get a destinated driver".  She sat there a moment, waiting for my next response.  "I would always get paid on friday and be broke by Monday." She smiled and said, "thats not a qualifier, you might just need to go to a financial advisor or money manager".  She sat there for another moment waiting..."I always get into fights, and stuff like that and a lot of the time i end up in jail".  She smiled the cutest little smile... put a hand on my shoulder and said to me..."those are not qualifiers, you might just need to go to anger management classes and stop using court appointed attorny's in your defense".  I laughed a little bit... she asked, "what happens to you when you take that first drink... not out here, but inside, in here", and she pointed at my chest.  I thought for a moment and replied... once I take that first drink, my brain is already anticipating and planning the next one, even while I'm still drinking the first one".  She smiled and said... "you just qualified yourself as a real alcoholic..welcome to AA."

John