Hello. After going through crisis after crisis in my shitty life, I have decided that I am in Hell. Other people in the program get blessings from their Santa Claus god, the results of my prayers were always roadblocks and dead ends. Notice how I said "were". I no longer pray. I no longer believe. My life got worse after I decided to get sober, one who didn't have much to lose has lost everything, and still keeps losing. "To drink is to die!"? If only it were that simple, my friends. No, to drink is to suffer. Why should I want to suffer anymore in hell? And that's why I still go to meetings, because I don't need the torturous effects of drinking. I started this program in '07, relapsed in '11. Almost 2 years sober, now, but my life is still sucking raw sewage. But it's okay now, because I've accepted the fact that my life is ruined and have nothing to be grateful for. Not even sobriety. But I will remain so, and I will go to meetings because I don't want to go to bars and liquor stores. I expect to get many replies to this, but all I ask is please don't waste your time with any god-memes. ("god don't give yew nuttin' yew caint handle!" "gawd haz a plan fer yew!" or any of that other crap. I'd rather you just call me names, instead. Hope you understand.-AlcoHater
AlcoHater, you shared that you have just faced the fact that your life is ruined and you have nothing to be grateful for and I would just like to know how that is working for you. Also, perhaps you could share a few of the specifics of the personal hell you are currently enduring because it is very difficult to comment or even be remotely helpful without that information. In some ways, I have been where you are, at least in the sense that my life seemed to be ruined and felt like hell. Even in recovery, I had experienced some of those feelings. One thing I did learn though was that gratitude (or a lack thereof) was a choice. There is always a choice.
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"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
Hey Man,thanks for sharing.Congrats on 2 years in sobriety.I spent quite awhile after my initial surrender in'84 after 25 years of devastation(not going into any war stories,we all got plenty of them )my story is always inclusive of recovery and how I do it a day at a time..By the time I realized I wanted to "work" a process of recovery rather than just not use, I was aware of how sick I still was. It was the application of what our program calls the Solution,the Steps,worked with a sponsor and applied in all areas of our lives that was the beginning of recovery and not just abstinence for me. No preaching or judgement here, there is only one requirement for us here to be part of this journey 'THE DESIRE" .You seem to have that. Reaching out to another is never a waste of my time and I will pray to the God of my understanding, that you find some peace and serenity in your life. The only "GOD" suggested is a Power at least greater than your addiction,one that is loving and caring even if that is no God at all, a spiritual internal relationship not a religious external experience. You are here at MIP for a reason sharing your feelings so I can only assume there is still a WE involved in your feelings and thats why we come here, to help in a loving and caring manner.For me,helping someone still struggling always helped me(and I always found those less fortunate than me in my own journey)I believe going to meetings are a good thing but its like joining a swimming team ,if you do, your gonnna probably have to go in the water(doing the work,service to others,sharing your ESH Steps ETC)Keep coming back ,let us know how your doing,im not going to give you any of the talking points you most likely hear all the time cause this is an inside job and when you begin to love yourself,maybe things will begin to look a little brighter.I truly can understand,you see we share the same illness ......Hope to hear more from you......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
You've gotten replies before on needing to change your thinking to stop being angry but you clung to anger anyhow. Either you surrender and start working the steps in all earnesty or you stay "dry" and miserable no matter how many meetings you go to.
I'm not saying this to hurt you and it sort of pains me to be this blunt but I'm praying you really surrender and lay yourself out...the 2nd and 3rd step seem to have not been worked here. If you are determined to stay terminally unique and that this won't work for you - it won't.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I would also like to know what your sponsor has to say about this? I'm guessing there might not be a sponsor which is why you are able to cling to these self-destructive belief systems so easily without challenge from others you believe and trust. If you keep picking and choosing elements of the program that don't work for you, you won't be working the AA program. It will be the Alcohater program and that will result in you not getting the promises etc...
Get with the program or keep saying how spirituality doesn't work for you and gratitude is for chumps. Your choice.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Have you ever worked the steps honestly and thoroughly...As laid out in the Big Book...With a sponsor alcohater?....It's a simple yes or no answer....Rarely have we seen a person fail....That has.
Don't quit just before the miracle happens. What does your sponsor and the oldtimers say about your attitude?
I'm not going to mention God to you..... I will mention your sponsor and the oldtimers. God works through people.
I know how you feel, I have been there. I had to take my $hit-ass attitude to my sponsor and get honest about it. Then do what he told me to do "like it or not".
That was 20 yrs ago. I can't exactly remember what he told me to do but it must have worked.
You really are no different than the rest of us ... it just seems (feels) so sometimes. Go against the grain and do what the oldtimers tell you. You will be fine. You'll see.
It just hurts some in the beginning. Be sure to tell your sponsor on an on-going basis how you are feeling and what you are thinking.
Your sponsor and the oldtimers will lead you out of the dark and into the light if you take their hand and follow. It works best if you encourage another struggling newcomer to come with you.. it will get you out of you.
Hey there James, thank you for that honesty. If you were done with this sobriety thing you wouldnt have botherd reaching out. Im glad you did. Most of us dont get a pink cloud 32 days into this thing. Some of us come here thinking we got a drinking problem and our live really turn to crap sitting around the rooms. Mine did. In the first year and a half I burned my life to the ground in AA, with sponsors, and steps. I came in with my rear torn up from alcahol and surrenderd to the bottle. It took two years to till I got to the second surrender. In that time my marrage and family got tossed into the trash, my house went away, my bike and truck went away, and found my self wondering around the country in a $500 junker with all I had left in the trunk. I was insane and so dry i almost burst into flames manny times. I was suffering from untreated alcoholism.when it all turned to crap iwas sure it was them and that place and i knew somewhere else was what i needed. I went from pahrump nv to upstate ny, to spartenburg sc, to amarillo tx, to salt lake ut to carson ciy nv, and came to a screetching crash in las vegas nv 60 miles from where i started and was in the most pain i had ever been in. Still not drinkin still trying to find rest in my soul still going to AA. It was my second surrender. I surrendered to the truth that I suck at running my life. Surrendered tk the truth that my problems never hurt me as bad as my own solutions to my problems. I had no more plans no mode options and nowhere else to go. Sounds like thats where your at or close to getting. Your suffering from untreated alcoholism not alcohol. You suck at running your life and the harder you try the worse it will get, thats a promise. You wont do what we do till you see thats its a good idea even if you believe it wont work, youll do it anyway otherwise you wouldnt even be here now. Open your book and look at the middle paragraph on page 52. Thats what it looks likee when our lives turn to crap from untreated alcoholism with out a drink. You are the problem. Its you with the death grip on your life and you cant see it. Take the boxing gloves off jack and grab on to the spiritual tool kit thats been at your feet for years it sounds like or keep doin what your doin youll keep getin what your gettin..I hope you surrdender and find the loving hand of God and those of us who have walked down the road your on and have found peace and rest for our souls. Its worth everything you have to go through to get here, i promise..
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
You were honest about your feelings... and that is a good thing! But we have to remember that our feelings are not always based in facts! You've lost everything, and yet have so much. I know you didn't send your post to this board by some telepathic means... it took a internet connection, a electronic device to put it here, and while it is basting in a lot of pain... it has a very real margin of hope attached to it.
I had a lot of the "I never went through this kind of crap when I was drinking" days... feeling like "what the hell, this is what sobreity is going to hand me?"
In reality, I went through all that crap.. both drunk and sober... its called life, but when I'm sober I get to feel it and sometimes that sucks because it doesn't have a warm fuzzy feeling going down... instead it hurts like hell.
When I became willing to simply hold on, work the steps, spend time with other recoverying alcoholics, not allow my dis-EASE to separate me and isolate me, and started to beg for some relief from a God I surely DIDN'T understand... the pain lessened a little bit, and I was able to move through whatever the source of my discontent was and get on with the rest of life. A lot of people tend to think that "we were restless, irritable and discontent" means while we were drinking. Not so, its after we get sober, and don't know what the heck to do with ourselves, feel like we have stepped onto a unknown planet, feeling stuff that we use to sedate with alcohol and in the absince of real change are experiencing a lot of the same ramifications sober that we did when drunk... because we havent' learned how to properly bring things to a place of simplicity in our lives. We are still moved by drama, crisis, chaos, confusion.... we don't accept the things we cannot change, and we dont' yet have the courage to change the things we can... and very crucial is knowing the difference, so we can respond to life events accordingly, in a manner that allows us to face the struggles that normal people face every day, without personalizing it as being all about ME... as though I was the only one that was going through these things in life.
I had a repeatous problem when I got sober... it didn't change just because I wasn't drinking. I didn't feel like I was able or responsible to do anything about it. I tried, I tried hard to fix it all, I did everything I could and then some, and got little to no relief. I was getting pretty pissed about it all, and finally told my sponsor about it. He asked me... have you worked steps 6&7 on it yet?" I replied, "well of coursse I have!!" He smiled and said, so then whats the problem??" I started to go back through the whole senerio again, and he stopped me. "if you are admitting you are entirely ready to have God take care of this, and you have humily asked him to... the reason nothing is changing is because you won't get the hell out of His way so he can do what He does! You need to turn it over, let it go... stop mingling in it... stop giving it all your time and energy, breath, relax and know that its being taken care of in the background and move on to something YOU can do something about! Now, stop all your whinning and go find a newcomer to help!"
I did what he said, and that problem seems to have just melted... it is no longer there, nagging me, eating my lunch, trying to justify my next drink. I am grateful today...even though my life is kinda sucking... have you read my post "Can't get a break"? Man, nothing is going my way lately!
I tell people often... I would not wish my life on anyone, not even my enemies, but I wouldn't want to trade it for any one elses either. It's okay to be me and be where I am, and its okay to seek out the change I want to see unfold in my life.
A well known AA speaker says... the Big Book tells me that nothing out here (moves his hand in front of the group) has to change for me to get better in here... and he pats his chest gently. The wife doesn't need to come back, the job doesn't need to treat me better, the money doesn't have to be just so... nothing out here... around me externally has to change... for me to get better inside. If I am willing to do the work that the inside job takes.
Hey AlcoHater, ... ... ... You don't have so much of a God problem as you do a 'YOU' problem ...
You are what you think ... ... ... that should be your 'basis' of recovery ... ... ... fix your 'thinking' problem 1st, then all else will fall into place ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Have you ever spoken to a doctor about mental health? Recovery and AA are one aspect of life, but there are medical issues that AA does not always have a role in solving. I would encourage you to do that.
1st of all, many thanks for the kind words. Yes, I've worked the steps in earnest w/ a sponsor twice. What could be going on is the stress in my life is warping me. Am seeing a med pro. about my brain, and we're both coming to the conclusion that I may have something called borderline personality disorder.(Google it, if interested) I'm also going to inquire about brain damage. I will see this doctor this week. He knows about my being in A.A., and always says "good" when I tell him I'm still in. It's just when I go to most meetings I constantly hear all these great stories about how great life is now after getting sober not that long ago and here I am, the luckless loser with experience but no strength, no hope. Maybe I need to quit going to these meetings and just stay here on the MIP board and use this as my AA meeting place. Does anyone think this is a good idea?
. Maybe I need to quit going to these meetings and just stay here on the MIP board and use this as my AA meeting place. Does anyone think this is a good idea?
no
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Ahhhhh a relative...One with BPD...that would be from my father's side of the family and too there were a ton of alcoholics there also. Me I'm definable ADD and ODD...LOL Attention Deficit etc. (I have a hard time getting the point) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (when I get the point I don't believe it and am not willing to accept it or try it...Took me a long time to get this program. I had to actually arrive at a point I wouldn't raise my hand up against and shout NO!! NO!! was my normal, natural default response to people whether they were trying to communicated something to me or just crossing my path.
I found out that alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions all at the same time and then I came to understand what I was going or not going thru. The ODD mental/behavioral condition comes from my fear based emotions and the ADD mental/behavioral condition comes from my fear based emotional condition hooked up with impatience and poor commitment/focus for any meaningful period of time. I am also given to boredom, apathy and complacency...which can be triggers toward relapse and to counter that I hang around relapsers and listen to what they underestand caused them to go back out. I work the program inspite of the defects and the rest of it is God because I cannot be and am not always all things to myself and everywhere I need to be when I need it. GOD is bigger than my ADD and my ODD and both of them together most of the time Good Orderly Direction GOD...Long as I stay in that orderly direction I'm in the right direction.
Working with others YES!! gets you out of self...Sucky Egotistical Lonely Feeling.
Attitude....YES!! If the one you got isn't working? Change it!!
Let's hear what it sounds like for you after you change your attitude? Keep coming back.
That is a reeaaaaaaaaaaaaaly NOT good idea alcohater - that is your disease talking to you right there!
I do not give a flyin hoot if you don't wanna hear a thing about a HP. I did NOT want to hear a thing about that either!!! But I DID want to live. We go to any lengths in this program... once I swallowed that, I just prayed even though I hadn't a CLUE what or who or if I was praying to anything, and honestly, I thought i WASN'T - but I was going to go to any lengths to finish the 24 hours sober, so I prayed when they said pray - and that is my only suggestion to you. You'll get answers if you listen, and then you will take action on those if you want to live and survive - and THRIVE with this deadly disease.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
That's just it, justadrunk. I prayed for YEARS for answers and directions, but the result was nil. I wish I had time to write more on this, but my crappy, dead-end job beckons. I will go into further detail when I return, so stay tuned.
U have a job?????? Wow! You have a lot more than most...
And you're sober almost two years...You know how many alkies out there would love to be able to say that?...Maybe your prayers are being answered and you don't even see it...Not a bad time.to say some prayers of thanks...I'll be sending you prayers you have a good doctor's appointment this week.
1st of all, many thanks for the kind words. Yes, I've worked the steps in earnest w/ a sponsor twice. What could be going on is the stress in my life is warping me. Am seeing a med pro. about my brain, and we're both coming to the conclusion that I may have something called borderline personality disorder.(Google it, if interested) I'm also going to inquire about brain damage. I will see this doctor this week. He knows about my being in A.A., and always says "good" when I tell him I'm still in. It's just when I go to most meetings I constantly hear all these great stories about how great life is now after getting sober not that long ago and here I am, the luckless loser with experience but no strength, no hope. Maybe I need to quit going to these meetings and just stay here on the MIP board and use this as my AA meeting place. Does anyone think this is a good idea?
1st ... Right now??? ... I suggest you find a sponsee, soon ... ... ... get to work with this new sponsee and 'ACT AS IF' you were on top of the world due to your sobriety ... give this sponsee your time and wisdom ... lead this guy through the steps and you'll find that you become more consumed by the program too ... you'll find it a great way to live life, period ...
You have NO 'satisfaction' for being sober ... when you strive to help someone else get and stay sober, then you will have the realization that you have a gift that you can feel good about giving away ... Don't work your way up to the 'twelfth step' and then just sit on your butt, get out there and do some work for a change ...
Most of us who remain sober for good lengths of time, reach the point that we gradually stop 'taking' and begin to start 'giving back' ... think about it!!!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
DEVISTIVELY BONNAROO! That whole album (I had the 8-track. Ahh, those were the days...) was great, esp. the title track! the Screamin' Cheese Wheelies (No, I'm not making this up!) also put out a smokin' version of "Right place, wrong time" in '95-'96. You going through all that trouble to put that on there shows you care, and I thank you. I thank all of you. I'm just in a world where everything is raw chaos and I DON'T WANT TO RELAPSE AGAIN! What I'm really seeking, PythonPappy, is a way to cope when nothing, not even working the steps TWICE, seems to improve life,is all
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Sunday 17th of February 2013 11:33:37 PM
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Sunday 17th of February 2013 11:46:21 PM
I was reminded of your share this morning after someone read the Daily Reflection for today. Dang that book is so appropriate and it was right on in continuation of your share. And then I remembered my former, now deceased, sponsors response to me when my attitude was so fixed on being less than and stuck on "if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all" and "all things are bad all of the time". My sponsor would then question me. "Could you be wrong"? I didn't dare answer no to that question because even though I was crazy I wasn't so stupid to try to take that pedestal. The only helpful answer was yes and he would engage me then and later on my perceptions; attitudes about what the picture looked like to me and when I responded he would again ask, "could you be wrong"? until I understood that the number of choices for me in my recovery were beyond count and the picture never was exactly how I saw it and most of the time I would only get close to what it looked like and it was best for me to ask for feedback from others and then finally accept for that moment. Like you I became grateful to the programs as I am with MIP because I can ask and am never turned away. Keep coming back.
2-18. Today's date, so I can see what Jerry F. read in the Daily. Okay, I'm back. Had dinner and a cig or two and now can work keyboard. To justadrunk, I'm in a non-combative enough state of mind to not type my original sarcasm-festooned answer, which was "Sure I listened! All I heard was snoring!" (drum roll, cymbal crash.) Seriously, though, I tried listening via meditation, etc., and nothing... To PythonPappy, I don't think I'm in any shape to sponsor anyone, and I've tried the "fake it 'til blah-blah-blah" routine and I just can't do it. It's that "program of honesty" slogan that mucks up my thinking on that concept. (or cases like mine, a program of BRUTAL honesty.) And that's what I like about the idea of me using this website in lieu of attending meetings, as I'm more comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings here than stammering as I share in actual meetings. To RubyTues, I've tried your suggestion, but my mode of travel is very limited, so I can't do it often. Yet another reason for me to try this whacky idea. I'll give it some more thought.
2-18. Today's date, so I can see what Jerry F. read in the Daily. Okay, I'm back. Had dinner and a cig or two and now can work keyboard. To justadrunk, I'm in a non-combative enough state of mind to not type my original sarcasm-festooned answer, which was "Sure I listened! All I heard was snoring!" (drum roll, cymbal crash.) Seriously, though, I tried listening via meditation, etc., and nothing... To PythonPappy, I don't think I'm in any shape to sponsor anyone, and I've tried the "fake it 'til blah-blah-blah" routine and I just can't do it. It's that "program of honesty" slogan that mucks up my thinking on that concept. (or cases like mine, a program of BRUTAL honesty.) And that's what I like about the idea of me using this website in lieu of attending meetings, as I'm more comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings here than stammering as I share in actual meetings. To RubyTues, I've tried your suggestion, but my mode of travel is very limited, so I can't do it often. Yet another reason for me to try this whacky idea. I'll give it some more thought.
Yeah, no sh!t sherlock ... ... ... ... nobody can reach across the room and slap the ever livin' crap out of you ... LOL ... that's pretty obvious ... so I guess I'd feel more comfortable too, using this medium ... (just using some of that 'brutal honesty' you mentioned above) ...
Ya know???, ... I guess I'm kinda guilty too, of using this AA board as a 'sounding board' for how or why I was feeling the way I was feeling at any given point in time ... good or bad ... but in all honesty AlcoHater, I am having trouble trying to figure out what it is you're looking for ...
do you want to know about the steps ?
do you want a 'spiritual awakening' ?
do you want a shoulder to cry on ?
do you want to testify that AA doesn't work ?
do you want to show us your intelligence by sharing what the program will or will not do for you ?
do you want us to feel sorry for you cause you don't 'get' the program, and you need someone to share your misery with ?
You say your in 'Sober Hell' ... yet you toss back each and every thoughtful suggestion you've received here ... I don't get you ... you sound a lot like a guy that used to come around here called 'Tipsy' ... (he finally turned things around in his life ... or so it seems) ...
Of all the things we have learned in AA over the years, one thing will always stand out to me ... :
"The mind is like a parachute, it just doesn't freakin' work if it is closed" ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
How about willingness? Where's the willingness. The willingness to change. Pray for willingness to be willing. Be willing to take action and willing to grow. Each day is another day sober. Take some suggestions from the message board and take action. Continue to do them and know that things will get better. Oh, make a gratitude list too. Everyday. Write down 3 things you're grateful for and be specific. Don't write down the same thing more than once and do it in the morning.
I will pray for you too! Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings.
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Willingness without action is fantasy!
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. But don't say it mean.
Okay then, work with me here AlcoHater, ... ... ... lets go back to step 2 ... ... ... convince me you have worked it ... describe to me just what you feel when you read step two ... and describe the 'concept' of your higher power to me ... and why you totally believe 100% without a doubt, that your sanity can be restored ... cause obviously it hasn't been, not yet anyway ...
We need a starting point here ... maybe your living in an environment not of your choosing ... maybe other decisions need to be made and then acted upon ... you've heard 'if nothin' changes, then nothin' changes' ... duh!!! ... There is a right way and a wrong way to do things ... obviously what you're doing has not resulted in the things we are all a promised in the BB ...
You've heard this all before .... you must be willing, you must come to believe, you must take action for these principles to come to fruition, you must practice , you must give, ... if you've honestly tried all these things, then you have not changed your thinking from the old ways ... it does take time ... but if you seek a new life, you must seek to change the 'way you think' ...
AND you got one thing right above, I do care ... despite the crude language I can stoop to using, I do care ... it's a pretty rough kind of love, but it's there ... I'm 'old school' ... I do believe in the biblical 'spare the rod, spoil the child' ... I was whipped in childhood every time I did something wrong ... I deserved it ... it made an impression on me growing up ... don't do what you know to be wrong ... or you'll suffer the consequences ... so if I rough you up a little, it's only to get your attention ...
Let us know what you think ...
I love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
2-18__ Ist thing I did was read MIP. Mellow day, as compared to nightmarish as it usually is. Got to think about stuff. My anguish is connected to 7-22-10. O.K., cut that off. Present meeting enviroment is this: Business owners,heirs,lawyers,doctors,professionals, then me- minimum wage,lives w/2 roomies,and can't seem to drop the shield. And when I see others in my situation attend these meetings, they don't stick around long at all! I need to find a meeting where I'm more the norm instead of the exception, but my travel is so restricted I can't commute to another area on a regular basis. I'm going to mention this to my doc, see what he thinks.
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Monday 18th of February 2013 08:52:19 PM
Dear AlcoHater...Please read the "Gifts of Sobriety"thread...rootin and prayin for you......"Head was inna bad place"!!!!OOOOOOOOOOO!! Just gotta give myself a good talkin' to this time........some brain salad surgery...boom shackalackalackaboom shackalackalacka!!!!" thanks python!!! Wheee!
I wondered who I'd stir up by posting that song by Dr. John ... ... ... After getting to this point in this thread, I feel the need for a little 'brain salad surgery' myself ...
Just between me and you ... I've had to play this song about a dozen times already ... it really takes me back ... it really makes me want to get up and do something ... what?, ... I haven't figured out yet, but I just gotta move ... (wish I could dance ... this seems the perfect song to 'cut a rug' on ... LOL)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I need to find a meeting where I'm more the norm instead of the exception, but my travel is so restricted I can't commute to another area on a regular basis.
Just put the effort into it you'd put into getting another drink or drug....It's amazing the ways we can come up with.
man, give yourself a break! No, nothing feels right, everything is off course! Life sometimes sucks! I don't agree with most... blah, blah, blah... I hear ya. I am ya.... sometimes it just seems like something is missing and I'm not getting what I see so many others obtain in their recoveries. But while I am balking about that, I am often over looking what I am getting, what I do have, where I am at...
You're an alcoholic with a personality disorder who has been sober for two years?? Wow... thats a true, undeniable MIRACLE! And you can be HONEST about where you are in this process too? Thats like the Miracle of Miracles~~ So few who are faced with what you deal with every day would stand a chance! Some who don't deal with half as much will never see a single year of sobreity. You have achived a great thing in your efforts to recover, because you are are persistent, determined and don't sit on the sidelines of your own life. I can hear you screaming... I am so damn f'd up, I am so discouraged, I am so tired... BUT I'M HERE BECAUSE I AM NOT GIVING UP!!
Don't. We need and want you here with us. We are who and what we are, and we have to learn how to live inside the framework of that makeup.. one day at a time and be open to just a few simple ideas that might come our way that will help improve our quality of life, for the benefit of both ourselves and those around us. Otherwise, we learn only how to live in a place of "chronic dissatification" and in that process become "road block builders", that will manufacture anything our brain puts out there to keep us stuck like chuck, a person that thinks everyone else has all the luck, and convince ourselves that we don't care anymore or give a "f*ck".
And then the ball gets dropped. On so many levels, in so many ways. You are holding on to that ball with all your might right now. Let us share the weigt of it with you. You don't have to do it alone any more!
You do give a f*ck. You are here because you give a f*ck! You KNOW that your piece of Happy, Joyous and Free pie is wanting to be found as bad as you want to find it.
Yes, my language can be quite bold.. but I want you to hear ME! You are not alone. We hear YOU.
Work with Pappy on some of the things he throws out here for you to answer... let us be a sounding board... your words, your thoughts and feelings are valued here.
Give yourself a break, relax, breath... in and out... and know... you are doing much, much better than your wacked out brain wants you to know, so stop listening to it so much and listen to us... we won't lie to you or blow smoke up your ass. But keep in mind, that sometimes when I share, I will care a whole lot more about saving your life, than saving your feelings.. so they might get pinched from time to time... just trust I would absolutely NEVER put anything out here that is intended to harm you in any way what so ever, but to help you in any way I can.. and sometimes to do that I have to be able to reach you... and your brain is so damn loud sometimes... I might have to pump up the volume of what I'm saying to get your attention.
gawh, I know you want yours too. I know you want to raise above the mental disorder that keeps pounding the crap out of you, I know you want to feel that sense of peace and joy you hear others talk about so freely...
It is available to you. You are not unque, special, or different... when it comes to this diease or recovery from it. You just need to stay close and work out some bugs... and one day.... the Miracle will happen.. you will feel it, see it and say it.
Off to the doc today. PythonPappy, I'll type up a response to your last post when I return. Jerry F, I REALLY need to talk to you, but the private message function doesn't seem to work here. To all, thanx for your responses. They really help!-AlcoHater
Back from doc. Feel dizzy. I might not be able to type out a proficient post, but I'll try. PythonPappy, I can't think of a higher power in a metaphysical concept right now, but I'll try to find something. I neglected to tell you that my present state is very recent, about two days older than my "I Hate Alcohol" post. My brain just exploded, and I didn't know what to do.Still don't, obviously. I'm trying to use a group, any group, as my higher power. At least it keeps me away from drink#1! When you ask how I feel when I read (Right here I've just returned from dealing with a 1 hour interruption.Sorry!) the 2nd, do you mean my thoughts? Here they are: to work this program a step after what I believe to be the most crucial is to be placed. The quest for the restoration of stability. Or did you mean an "epiphany"? I can't recall any of those as of late. Right now, these are the best answers I can come up with. I will add more details when I can concentrate more on them.-Thanx!-AlcoHater
