Hey guys - I know I'm not the only one who loves you guys - and it's SOOOOOOOO brave and wonderful of you to be newbies all over again in regards to smoking. Seems there isn't a lot of support and love out there for people trying to quit the cigs. I seriously could have benefited from a Smokers Anonymous group when I quit - so here is your thread of: SA
I hope others will chime in for support - the only requirement for membership is a desire to quit smoking!!!
So I'll start it out by saying that I had a long battle trying to quit just the same as with drinking. I could always stop for a while with each - and I started out very slowly with each - but once I flipped the addicted switch on, I was full speed ahead and FAST! I would never stay stopped... that was always my problem with anything!
When I finally did quit for good, I didn't know it, but a power greater than me intervened and allowed me to become pregnant with my son. I know not everyone quits during pregnancy, and I'm not here to say that I'm better because I did - not at all! To be totally honest, I was more concerned with the dirty looks, than myself or my unborn child at that time - if you want the REAL TRUTH! Yup - that was the sad state of existence that I no longer have to live in anymore thanks to my HP and all of you... and I think now I'll just listen...
-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 7th of February 2013 09:11:44 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Great thread. Look guys you can do this. It's been 24 years for me now and I haven't wanted one since about 3 months into quitting. It's not much different than getting sober. Just can't give in to that voice that says "it would taste so good". It never does, that's the big lie. Buy youself a case of gum and chew the **** out of it. I wrote down all the reasons I wanted to quit and looked at them every day. I wanted to live, I didn't want to be coughing up crap every morning, I didn't want to carry around oxygen some day, I was tired of my clothes, house car stinking, and people looking at me with a disgusted look on their face. I knew that the damage smoking caused after age 40 was irreversible and I was accountable for that. Cigs were only $1 a pack when I quit and I felt that was a significant expense at the time. $6 a pack now and climbing. Not much was said about second hand smoke killing people in '89, but now I've had 3 old timer friends of mine, that never smoked, die of lung cancer from sitting in smoking meetings (all were smoking meetings 20+ years ago) which is very sad. The latest "Frank" (38 years sober) who introduced himself as "I'm Frank and I'm a Real Alcoholic" was an extremely healthy 70 year old Californian (and successfully retired) guy who ate healthy and worked out everyday. I watched him battle it with all he had, chemo, raditation, and all the alternative treatments that money could by. The last thing he said to me was "I'll beat this thing, and I'll be back like a Tiger!" Rip Frank, I miss you brother.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 7th of February 2013 09:33:19 AM
I sent this in an email to a friend during a coversation I had about my quitting and how AA thinking had helped me overcome 30 years of chain smoking without anything but me saying to myself "Today I'm not a smoker".
The reply is to the question 'if you had to sum up in one word what the most important thing to be aware of when quitting, what would it be?'
Fear.
Recently I'd been thinking about why it's so hard to make that first step and ask for help when it came to getting sober. I see them come and go. They're broken and sick, and they want to stop drinking but they invent every excuse in the world not to. And then they find one that works for them and they go back out and drink some more. It's wrecking their lives and making them and all those around them miserable but they can't bring themselves to seek help until it is all pear shaped.
I know. I was one of them for more than a decade.
At first I thought it was pride. That ego thing that makes us want to tough it out and not look weak. But I saw that didn't hold up to examination. They had already asked for help, and the pride had pretty much been beaten out of them. It was something else that made them want to run away. So I kept looking and thinking and realised that it was fear that did it. That big bastard phantom fear that told them that the withdrawls would be the most terrible thing in the world, that things would be unbearable if they couldn't have a drink when things got tough, that life would be less enjoyable sober than it would be as the messiest drunk, that without the crutch they wouldn't be able to cope with life. They were beaten before they started, and you can see it in their eyes sometimes. The ones that are not like that - that stay and have a good look at AA - are the ones that have been that badly hurt by the drink that figure that no matter what fears the mind can throw at them it's not going to scare them because it just cannot possibly be worse than what is happening now.
OK. So that's the background.
I realised that the reason I'd always failed so quickly at quitting smoking was for exactly those reasons. I'd built up in my mind that living without 20 smokes a day was going to be next to impossible. The withdrawls would be unbearable, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere where there were smokers without craving them so much that my day would be ruined, life without a ciggie fix would be a constant black cloud and I wouldn't ever be happy and content unless I was smoking.
Cow hockies.
I'd been there and done that with the alcohol and knew that no matter what my head was going to tell me it would be like it would not match the reality. It might be better or it might be worse but it wouldn't be the way I imagined it. That much was certain. So with all that in mind then there was no more fear. There was still all the regular stuff (withdrawls, sleeping, cravings, etc etc) but there wasn't a bunch of made up stuff that turned annoying, irritating and uncomfortable issues into howling monsters.
I'm learning, I'm learning - life is 99% between the ears. I'm not sure how much of this helps. Maybe I've missed something that I'm not even aware I'm doing. It's been easier than I thought. 30 years of smoking and I haven't thought about having one for a couple of weeks now. That said I haven't really been tested. Maybe the next time I walk past a cigar shop I'll burst into tears and spend 5K on Habana's that I will spend the next month poisoning myself on.
Anyway, I thought I'd pass that along in case it can help some one.
I had to engage in competing behavior. I started going to the gym regularly and I knew that I would be sorely regretting it if I smoked and tried to do the elliptical at the same time. Working out was making me feel better. I already spent money on the gym membership, so that was making me go. The exercise lessened cravings and I caught the bug to want to be fit....all that was incompatible with smoking. The vision of myself that I wanted was truly to be a nonsmoker and once that kicked in..........That was the psychic shift I needed. Same as with drinking. I really really wanted to be done with it cuz I wanted to be a nonsmoker. I didn't just want to stop smoking cuz it was bad for me or how much it cost. Those were never good enough reasons to stop drinking right? I wanted to stop so I could be a new person.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks again folks for the support ... I hope BikerBill commits to spending his 'smoke' money elsewhere too, so we can both 'not afford' the nasty habit ...
I know, I know, ... ... ... if we want one bad enough, we'll find a way to get them .... But you know what ... all these 'mental images' ya'll put in my head are working, for now ... they remind me of others I have loved who have suffered with this and have 'passed' ... dying with lung cancer isn't any prettier than dying with alcoholism ...
So for today, I will try to visualize a cigarette in my hand and then making the choice ... LIFE or DEATH ... which shall it be ... ???
P.S. Tasha ... I didn't see the thread for SA ... guess I'll go and search for one later ... (oh, and Dean, ... there was actually a time when I had to get out of an AA meeting because of the smoke ... as a smoker, I couldn't even breathe in that room ... and no-one could share without coughing or half choking to death ... especially in the late 90's)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
In 1965,my first deployment overseas on the U.S.S. Casa Grande LSD-13,(ironic name for a ship something I had used numerously) I found the gedunk prices for cigs were $1.00 per carton..EUREKA!!!! Because my first wife got most of my $$$ (I drew $80 per month) and also became a consistent member of the ships slush fund(($5 for $7,$7 for $10 ,$10 for $14 and $20 for $28)Always had enough to burn plenty of lung removers each day.By the time I left Armed Forces in 1970 I was burning 3 packs a day,but no longer at gedunk prices(ships store)On top of an ounce of weed(was a dealer) and all alcohol available(top off with rounds of stimulant/depressant/hallucinogenic drugs to keep me functioning)I continued poisoning my existence and all those around me. In '84 when the WAR was ending for me, I cold turkeyed everything figuring if im going to withdraw it will be everything at once.Was not an easy period for me,but the recovery was worth al the pain.It was probably a year or so before I lost the cravings(after a big dinner to sit back and burn some tar)Today i m so sensitve to cig smoke that it is hard to be around it.(how many people did I smoke out of the room. It definitely took work ,a day at a time and with the same resilence I had for using I applied into recovery from the drugs,yup,cigs,mind altering substances and alcohol..One big pile of devastation..Twenty five years of my life were spent killing myself and Just For Today I continue on LIVING free from some of the things that tok me out of myself. It all follows suit,we make an admission,view our unmanageability,come to emotional and physical and spiritual acceptance and continue up the ladder of LIFE,one STEP at a time,doing the daily work ,guided by whatever Power greater than ourselves(at least greater than our addiction) and the SMOKE does clear and we can begin to see the light...Am I drug free? no I still drink way to much coffee(caffeine)but I work a process in this area also.Most of my crimes weren't committed under the influence of coffee though :) Anyway ,Just For Today you don't have to use whatever poison it is for you..Is it easy? no..is it doable ?absolutely always in prayer and support..
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Goodness me I am truly overwhelmed by this support....I logged on to post one of my 'buckle ups' (you know, one of those threads I start with buckle up guys, this'll be a long un and then write and write until I've resolved my feelings.).....and I find this level of support for something as simple as - well I was going to say quitting smoking, but then I remembered that I'm not quitting anything, I'm gaining positive things, positive things that are important to me.
Things like better blood pressure, freer breathing, nicer smelling - even after just two weeks, I see great things I have gained - this might be a bit gross, but things like bodily excretions are cleaner even....
Mind you, the first thing I did after the first days of not smoking was fall prey to what is clearly an alcoholic good idea - y'know one of those ideas that we have sometimes that really should be thought about three times then discarded - so yes, I had this idea that I should not only buy a straight razor, but that I should learn to shave with it.
Following geofatboy's instructional videos, I so far have shaved every other day - it takes 48 hours for the shaving nicks to heal - I'm getting better, the first shave I looked like I'd dove head first through a car windscreen (9 cuts), the second shave was just 7 cuts, the next one was 5 cuts and a couple of very light nicks. I'm down to less than 5 episodes of bleeding pper shave so far - I will master this..........
Only 4 maore days to go before the new bike is in my hands too.....roll on spring!
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
May I just say, I want what you guys have. I have the desire to quit smoking although perhaps not the follow through or the plan right now. I knew that addiction truly had me this time when I could not even quit for a pregnancy, something I had always done with ease in the past.
I'm going to keep coming back, listen to what you all have to say about how no smoking is working in your life because one day I would like to say, "I don't smoke" with the same force of truth with hich I now say, "I don't drink." It was startling the first time I heard those words come out of my own mouth and knowing that they were true.
Have a great day guys! Thanks for the hope.
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"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
(((BILL))) Say it over and over out loud "I'm a NON- SMOKER!"
Er not LOL - I'll say a prayer for ya. We have established a "restart button" in our household. Anyone who'd acting up can at any given point STOP - hit their 'appointed restart button' (which we all chose our nose) and then simply RESTART! The cool thing for us is we can push it on each other too - so when I start raising my voice.... okay okay... (i'll be honest) - yelling - at my kids... they can push my nose and say 'restart' and since we're all almost to a place of being able to just laugh at that and be thankful (instead of getting even madder like in the past), it works really really well for us! We're having a great time with it - and I find myself doing it even when no ones around! LOL *It comes in handy for my husband and I too - yes, we're actually pretty dorky*
RESTART!
-- Edited by justadrunk on Friday 8th of February 2013 06:22:34 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Wow, interesting thread to come back to, and very personal for me right now. Kudos, you guys, all of you, for quitting. I've been smoking for forty eight years, and this week switched over to electronics while my poor body rids itself of the other chemicals. I don't know if too many of you have been here long enough to remember WickedWanda. She's the one who introduced me to this forum like, eight years ago. I spent several days in Seattle with her in January. It was her last good week. She would unhook her oxygen, and I'd walk behind her with her using a walker in case she toppled, so that she could go outside to smoke. I ferried over to see her on Sunday. She died this Monday. Lung cancer. She had 15 years of sobriety. What a thing to watch your best friend go through. I packed up my rolling kit, and started the electronics. Hoping they'll get me over the hump of the reaching habit. Yeah, like near beer. I know... Anywho, it rocks that you guys have done this. Hope I"ll join in soon.
Okay folks, ... ... ... ... ... THE SMOKES ??? ... ... ... Day 34 for me today ... smoke free ... Good Luck with the electronic one Wren ...
Here's my experience so far ... I've 'stopped' smoking several times over the years (sound familiar?) ... 1st time, about 35 years ago was when I got challenged to run a 10 mile, not 10k, race by my uppity 'nose in the air' neighbor ... I'm thinking me, being the ole 'farm boy', that this was going to be a piece of cake ... I think we even put a case of beer on it ... I don't know about you guys, but I wasn't about to let this guy beat me ... ('cause the other neighbor to run this thing was a 'pro') ...
I decided I better practice ... I had 3 months ... so I started by jogging around the block ... I was 25 y/o and I thought I was going to die right then and there ... so I did the next most comforting thing i could think of, I lit up a cigarette ... yeah, I know, all the time trying to catch my breath ... ... ... Long story short, I found I could not compete at all without tossing the cigarettes ... (this is where my 'pride' helped me for once) ... I actually got to where I could run 10 miles in a little over an hour ... So that's how I stopped smoking the 1st time and I stayed stopped for 4 years ...
Oh, you want to know about the race ??? ... It was a Nashville, Tn. Labor Day race ... it got warmer than normal, the fire trucks opened fire hydrants up to cool us off and everything ... I was on my pace of an eight minute mile til the last 2 miles ... I don't think I would have ever made it, except this lady, about 85 y/o, passed my ass with at least a mile to go ... ... ... so I got up enough steam to finish ... the old lady still whipped my butt, but I came in around 1 hour, 28 minutes ... My snobby neighbor ? ... 2 hour 25 minutes and 'throwing up' like a little kid ... ... ... my 'pro' neighbor ? about 41 or 42 minutes ... (he was in the top 3 ... a Kenyan dude beat him at like 39 minutes or something, I really don't remember specifically ...
Hey, I did 'hypnosis' once ... stayed stopped for 2 years that time ... Ya'll wonder why start back ??? ... fair question ... you sit out on a boat fishing all day long ... sandwiches gone, case of beer left on ice, you don't care now whether you catch anything or not ... and your buddy lites up a cig and the little cloud of smoke wafts over to your side of the boat ??? ... you think, damn, it'd be nice to have a cigarette right about now along with another cold beer so you borrow a couple ... 'BAM' you buy a pack on the way home ...
I did Chantix once before and stayed stopped for 4 months til I went to 'Rehab' the last time ... my friend there kept taunting me, come-on, you know you want one ... and I did ...
Around January 1st, I started Chantix again ... Nasty side effects, but the stuff works ... I dropped the pills and picked up using the AA program to help me stay stopped... Mostly I consider the "Prayers" THE most IMPORTANT thing you can do to stay stopped ... every time I failed before, I had stopped praying for help ... let me be totally honest, I still wanted to smoke more than I wanted to stop ... but this last couple years of losing friends to this habit have made me see my on future if I continue to smoke, it ain't pretty ...
One thing I have learned, I have absolutely no right to get on someone else's butt for smoking ... ... ... that's their deal ...
Love you guys, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Besides being the most hilarious thing I've ever heard of...This seems to be a brilliant and practical way to get things back in order ... oh man, I wish we had had that when I had my kids running around ...
I can just see your kids trying to beat each other to get to Mommy to push her 'reset' button ... That is ROFL funny ... ... ...
I just love you being here being sober ... well, I'm glad I'm sober to enjoy it too ... this has to top anything you've shared so far ... EVER
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Great thread!! Aloha MIP family...my name is Jerry F and I am tuberculic. Yeah I got that and alcoholism from the generations before me and stopping smoking and drinking were difficult because mostly I did both at the same time. Tuberculic...My natural Father died of that disease and he came from an alcoholism way of life also. When I took up smoking freely on my own I also took up drinking freely. I was thirteen at the time and had a grand group of supporters to do it with. I smoked the same brand as my father, "Camels" and that scared my mom more than anything and yet while at that age I was one of the two financial supporters of the family she didn't yank them from me or attempt to make me stop drinking. I guess I had some value huh?
I did everything as a man addicted to alcohol that I did with smoking...both were benign to me an so I broached no complaint against either. It was all about me until I found out it was all about alcohol and nicotine. Cigarettes owned me and I went thru every sort of insane gymnastics to make sure I had them including fetching them out of other peoples ashtrays, the gutters, bathroom floors, automobile ashtrays of trucks and cars that were not mine, begging and stealing and more. I first stopped in 1984 about. I threw out my lit cigarette and crushed the pack that still held a few and after a few minutes of withdrawal I was on my way over the speedlimit heading for the drug store to get another pack. I lit up at the cashiers counter in front of the sign that said absolutely no smoking in the store and when I got out of the door of the store I threw that pack into the gutter firmly crushed. I ran to my car and headed for a liquor store to get more and ended up on the side of the road weeping in frustration. Had I made that store only God could have told how I would have ended up. I had 5 years sobriety at that time and everything was at risk. Cigarettes were 79 cents a pack then and I went back to the office sober and shaken. I never had another cigarette until the late 90's and then relapsed and because my mind, body, spirit and emotions needed more nicotine than a carton would provide I changed over to cigars and chained smoked and inhaled every drag I could get. I smoke those until they burned my lips and never found the end to it and with the program I stopped yet. Several more years and I relapsed again and Swisher became my dealer...I would not stop until the apparent effect it was having on my wife caused me to reconsider stopping and I did for a short time even making a deal with another home group member to be mutually supportive as he was also a Swisher junkie. I was good until Christmas of 2009 and at our Christmas brunch before the Christmas crush AA by the Bay annual celebration a pack of Swishers fell out of his pocket as we were taking the grill to the pavillion where we meet and one feel free and as I watch this happen he picked up the free fallen one and asked "Want one"? The only quicker way of getting nicotine into my body was by injection and I didn't need to answer the question...I was back to picking the stub up wet and dirty off the floor so that I could get the last quarter inch of this addiction smoked out. My lips were already cooked by the flame and my gut wanted more than was available in the whole city. I was running again and in a short period of time I was scared. I thought I had done my tuberculic lungs in and made an appointment for the doctors. I stopped again...finally stopped...before I was dead stopped or stopped dead. The doctor told me my lungs were fine and I've been nicotine free for 3 years plus. Today the 8th of February I am 34 years alcohol free and sober. If I can do it...Anyone can and maybe with a whole lot less drama and trauma. Thanks for letting me share. ((((hugs))))
Mahalo Jerry, ... yeah, the brown spots on the fingers of my smoking hand are gone now, my fingers are all one color again ... no dark yellowish brown stains, ... I doubt there's any hope for my teeth, BUT if it's not my hallucination, they seem to be getting whiter too ... in 34 days???? ... na, I doubt it ... I drink too much coffee still for them to be getting whiter, I think ... well looky here, it'a 12:17a.m. ... it's now 35 days smoke free!!! ... LOL ... crap, and I still want one in the worst way too ... well, it's about time to hit my knees and ready myself for bed ... guess I need a little talk with the 'Big' guy ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Jeepers I LOVE you All!!!! BB! I laughed, I am listening to "Never Mind the Bullocks"...when I saw your "Bullocks"!!!! I just MUST always remember, and never forget....."Hmmmmm....Whats gonna kill me FIRST?????? Booze and Drugs!!!!!!!" Most of my long-long-long timer friends died of smoking related things......I can say, "Oh..... smoking=bad......or I can say....WAIT A TIC!! A.A. and Sobriety, gave these dear people 20 or 30 or 40 years of extra free LIFE!!!!!!" Us drunks are...welll.....nervous.... and if it comes down to me smoking again...or me drinking/drugging again...HONEYS I WILL SMOKE!!!!! I was a chain smoker.......thats what we ALL were in 1980's A.A. (or thats how I experienced it!)......I havent had a cigarette for 7 years!!!! Gasp!!! GASP!!!! I use the steps every day for alcohol, drugs and cigarettes (AND those damned Nicotine Lozenges too) ......soon I'll hafta add dog biscuits Pappy LOLOLOL....but dang...I used to smoke AT everything!!!! It was my buffer FROM people (it protected me you know?) , and my connection TO people (us smokers ran in packs ;) ) any fear, ickiness , restlessness, irritablity, discontentment..... YOU KNOW! THAT stuff.....I smoked AT...and was perfectly delighted living that way!!!!! It was my reward system, "If I finish THIS....I get to have a cigarette! " I dont know why God has removed it???? I cannot figure it out....but it took 20 years of continuous sobriety...to let go of cigarettes (and I had been praying for that for 13 years!!!! ) I think you are great! I think you are doing great!!!! I am praying for you....I have heard of Nicotine Anonymous.....jeez...my A.A. work takes everything I've got....I just could NOT add another effen 12 step program!!!!! HAVING A CIGARETTE, WILL NOT MAKE ME WANT TO HAVE A CIGARETTE....... LESS!!!!!! IT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO HAVE A CIGARETTE MORE!!! It does NOT ever Relieve that desperate WANT..... It multiplies the desperate WANT!!!! You know??? "Have you a sufficient substitute ...for cigarettes... ? I am ready for the dog biscuits Pappy!! ;) OOOOO!! JUSTA!!!! I am KEEPIN' that "Re start"!!! Thank you..... Love Lady Eli ooooops and p.p.s. One of my best friends in A.A., when he was dying ( of cigarettes ) removed his oxygen, but not far enough, to light up.....and blew up his face ON FIRE!!!!!!!!! We are no posers!
Ha, Lady Eli, ... ... ... just try the 'dog biscuits' ... they're not so bad ... well, not as bad for you as the cigarettes would be ...
Just one word of caution here, ... my dog loves her biscuits ... and she's starting to get real irritated when I get biscuits from the box and she ain't gettin' um ... Damn, you see how we are??? ... now I'm sneakin' dog biscuits so my dog won't see me ... ... ... I need to go back to 'obedience' school, when's that next AA meeting???
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yes I forgot that too - and when I smoked we had a cig lighter and ashtray in the car, and I hadn't noticed until today that my car does not have either of those things at all.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
LOL!!! Pappy!! I KNOW your puppy loves you.....and he will forgive your pilfering....because he knows ...you NEED the biscuits!!!! Heck my sufficient substitute, for the first year off of nicotine, was S U G A R!!!! Any form would do thank you! Swigs of Hersheys syrup.....straight from the bottle....hold the milk.....lol.... Now I have been reduced to sugar free pudding and sugar free candies (and even those are going away)......The only "running with scissors" my sponsor has left (at 40 years sober!) are sugar free popscicles (holy crap...we used to be COOL!)....But they are gonna hafta pry my coffee and diet ginger ale from my cold dead hand!!!! I am rootin' and prayin' for ya.......It felt to me, like I felt when I was getting sober....EXCEPT all of my A.A. tools, were already inside of my heart.........but....if ya feel wiggy.....know that you are detoxing from frickin' ACETONE!!! Jeepers! Look up the stuff they put in cigarettes...they even manipulate the nicotine levels, to increase the addictive qualities...........Bless you! Love, Lady Eli
Just so you don't feel alone, I bought a thing of vanilla ice cream just so I could put a heavy layer of that Hershey's syrup on it that you're talkin' 'bout ... LOL
Ya know??? ... I was doing really good on the cig craving yesterday 'TIL ... ... ... my wife decided we were going to watch that new Denzel Washington movie, 'Flight' ... ... ... WOW, I did relate and identify with his alcoholism for sure ... but he was a heavy smoker and portrayed THAT real well too ... ... ... by the end of the movie, I was climbing the wall for a cigarette ... so I hit the M & M's ... ... ... then the cookies ... ... ... (no biscuits ... since I had just been to the store, LOL)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
OH Pappy!!!! YAY you!!!! Thats sooooo hard.....when you can see the smoke, taste it, oooo feel it...on film....I STILL get that...sigh...feeling.....HECK! Im havin it NOW!!!! It looks so good (YIPES...sounding a bit like the "insidious insanity...of the first drink/smoke/whatever"!!!!) My best friend is a Great Pyrenees named J.D. (yes after Johnny Depp!)...and yes, I'll admit I kiss him on the lips HA (thats why I dont mind the whole "dog biscuit thing")!....and just squeezin' my sweetie, brings me back to here and now....and then (prayer really helps! "God PLEASE remove this desire to drink/SMOKE/drug/dog biscuit/Hershey!" )IT PASSES! How is it possible, that IT PASSES, W I T H O U T me smokin/drinkin/drugin/Hersheyin'/etc.in'....I will NEVER understand....but it does....it ALWAYS does!!!! I am soooooo delighted you lived through THAT one sober and smoke-free!!!! It (just like getting sober) was like being born again!!! I had never done ANYTHING...without smoking! My first sober and smoke-free A.A. meeting, and meeting with new people, phone call, paying bills...I didnt think I could do it without cigarettes!!! You just jumped a large hurtle!!! I am so happy for you!!!!!! Bless you! Bless you! Bless you!...I am prayin for you (I KNOW the size of THIS monster) I am rootin for you!!! Love, Lady Eli p.s. Thanks so much for lettin me share my ESH with booze AND cigarettes....this is a FIRST...and you are helpin me so much, just lettin me ramble......Thank you Pappy!
Great reminder Lady Eli, ... ... our ESH does indeed help us help each other ... your posts are a bright spot in my day as well ... Ya know?, ... there just something SOOOO VERY COMFORTING by simply knowing I'm not the only one going through a smoking withdrawal(nicotine) ... ...
It really is amazing how much a part of my life 'smoking' had become ... ... ... every day, my day started AND ended with a cigarette ... and I am still trying to find things to 'fill-in' the 'gaps' in time ... Only 'drinkin' was harder for me to stop ... and since my spiritual recovery allowed me to recover from alcohol, I'm using it also to help with the smokes ... ... ... and it does help ... that's for sure ...
BUT THE BIGGEST REALIZATION I'VE COME TO ... ..... .... ????? .... .... YOU REALLY GOT TO WANT TO QUIT!!! ... (and I am still struggling with that ... you know ... do I have too??? ... do I want to ??? ... do I want to end up like the last few of my sober friends that I buried recently???)(you know the ones, the ones that could not 'catch' their breath no matter how hard they tried ...)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I know what you mean - I LOVED Smoking! I loved drinking too for that matter... but they are both just slow death in their own disgusting way, and for me, I have to keep the mental pictures of my grandpa gasping for air in my mind... my disease tells me... hey he lived to 80 even with the smokes... but still... it's just not worth it. I remember getting done with my work out at the Y and immediately lighting up a cig afterward... just couldn't wait. I knew I was a lunatic - but, that never stopped me. The only thing that keeps me stopped now is that I wanna die of something else other than gasping for air like my grandpa...
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Yep! I drink way too much coffee, eat like a pig, and smoke like Godzilla. My active job keeps me from being a 2-ton tommy. I've been trying to quit smoking for years, but everytime I fail these days I think to myself,"Well, at least this doesn't turn me into a jackass like drinking alcohol!" Hang In There!
((((Room))))....Ahhh...that trickey "Desire to stop".........I am a blind woman.....in a darkened room.....with no night light....not even a hint....of the T R U T H....when it comes to my addictions! Why...when suffering the horrific consequences of my addictions...I was obsessed with the strongest desire to stop forever...NOTHING else mattered to me..."If only I could STOP this...I could be happy and live & live well!!!"....then that Truth dissipates, like vapor....and then "Poof"! Its gone, and I cannot locate it!!! And whats worse...I no longer believe it......Did the Truth change??? NO! NEVER! The Truth is the Truth whether I believe it or not! Our Book explained it to me......"the Alcoholic (addict, smoker, etc) is unable to bring into our conciousness, with sufficient FORCE, the MEMORY of the suffering and humiliation, of a week or a month ago....we are without DEFENSE against the first drink (drug, smoke, etc...etc...etc...) THIS is why I repeated that desperate experiment with the first drink (drug, smoke, etc) again and again and again! I have a sort of amnesia....and if reality rears its ugly head....it is "vague...and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea, that THIS time we shall behave like other men" (and CONTROL it!!!)......When my first step hits...true POWERLESSNESS...its like the cosmic two by four.....T R U T H...that somehow, someway I MUST die of my own hand...(slowly or quickly)...it is so terrifying...AHA ...and the beginning of LIBERATION! Everybody thinks I am crazy...but when I go to the first step each day....I admit....OH GOD!!! I am GONNA pick up the first drink, drug, cigarette, nicotine...blah..blah..blah...TODAY!!!! ( And that is with 28 years of continous drug-free...and now smoke/nicotine free sobriety!) During my addictions my mantra was ," I CANT drink/drug/smoke!!!!!" and in recovery that "cant' became " MUST"!!! I MUST drink/drug/smoke.......I started to see, it really is against my own will...and THAT is the MOST terrifying experience of my life........AHA and sigh.....THAT is the beginning ....of my Peace and Recovery ( the Truth will set you Free! ).......But...I never once, went to jail or tried to kill anyone else or myself...smoking!!!! Ooooo.....Pappy....I still miss it....... but these were real Keys of the Kingdom for me...that maybe...just MAYBE...I (yes..brilliant HA Lisa).....did not KNOW what I wanted,and even when I KNEW...I was not capable of doing it myself! Egads!!!!LOL! Love ya Pappy! Rootin and hopin and prayin for ya!!! You are doin' awesome....OOO and p.s. I saw your puppies face! He would give up all of his biscuits for you! Love, Lady Eli
Ladi Eli - I'm am currently trying to memorize that so I can pass it along at the noon meeting lol. I don't even know if I could have comprehended these FACTS not that long ago - and I'm so grateful that today I get to SEE something I want in YOU!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Ahhhh yes Lady Eli, ... that 'Desire to stop' ... that ever powerful "WILLINGNESS" ... ... ... Great point!!!
Oh, my dog's name is 'Rose' ... ... ... and she'll be 4 in about a month ... (the pic was a year and a half ago) ... r.e. her biscuits??? ... the ONLY time she's willing to give up her biscuit, is in trade to go for a ride in the car ... LOL ...
Today? ... no smokes yet ... not since Jan 5th ... I know the power of prayer is behind me right now, but the main thing is I pray for the 'Willingness' to stay stopped ... like Rose, there are times I'll throw the biscuits out the window for a ride ... LOL
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
((((Room))) I missed you all yesterday (Wed.s my 3 f2f A.A. day).... Oh dear Pappy...dont toss the biscuits!!! Light 'em! Light 'em! Light 'em and inhale the sweet bone meal, chicken bi-product goodness.....ahhhhhhhh......;)!!! I love you guys...but I got more bad news........sorry....dont shoot the messenger......pleeeassse!!! I dont get to stop...when I want!!!! Its that FIRST one.....my last "first" drink...lasted 5 MORE YEARS!!!! I HATE THAT!!! My cigarettes are the same....just "one more"..and I am gonna get to be the girl, with the oxygen tubes (not a good look for me....especially when "wheelchair" is ALREADY a difficult look to glamorize LOL)...I DONT want "A" cigarette.....I WANT A pack...nooo: a carton.....nooooooo: 10 cartons......NOOOOOO: a truckload......NOOOOOO...JUST ONE LOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGG cigarette to wrap around the whole wide world...mmmm...yummmmmmmy...and STILL i would run out......... D A M N !!!!!!!"Have you a sufficient substitute??????? (for booze/drugs YES!!!).....for cigarettes....NOOOO!!! I am still searchin'....I pray, but its just not as good as....ahhhhh.....lighting up......sigh....... There MUST be a God....I am NOT keeping myself sober/clean...and JEEPERS.....I am NOT keeping myself off cigarettes!!!!! PROMISE!!! Oh Pappy!!! If you smoke again...who am I gonna p r e a c h at??????hahahahahhahaha???? No pressure dear...but...YOU might be my "sufficient substitute...just realized that..wow! Thanks for tolerating my long winded rants.....(you should hear me in meetings lol) And...as greater proof of God...I am shutting up now!!!! ;) Thanks guys!! Love, Lady Eli
oh heck...theres more....Thank you dear lil Justa......I cannot take credit....and.....I cannot remember (its that pesky amnesia!!) it either...except in prayer...one day at a time!!!! (((hugs))) and blessings! Love, Lady Eli
RESTART!
