Good Morning MIP Family.  I am facing a real crisis right now and could use some guidance.  A friend of mine invited me to stay with her about sixty miles from where I work.  She offered the use of a vehicle as well as the provision of childcare while I went to work.  The day she picked me up, the loaner vehicle broke down. I have to return to work by Sunday and I don't know what to do.  She is acting like I should just pick up and get a job in her area but it will be very difficult for me to get a home of my own come tax time if I don't have some history at a job.  And I'm finding that her attitude towards my child doesnot make me at all confortable with the prospect of her watching her while I work anywhere.

     I am feeling pretty devastated.  Add to this that my stepfather died seven days ago.  We were very close.  And on top of that, my daughters fathers mother took three hundred dollars from me for February rent knowing that I would not be there in February. She pushed me for this money right after my dads death and I was in shock that she would do such a thing when I was so emotionally compromised. Not a word of condolence, just alot of truly fowl text messages, some name calling and relieving me of desparately needed money.

     I am hurting. I am very unclear about what direction to take and I could really use some prayers and suggestions.  I feel so trapped.

And I'm so sorry about your stepfather....Prayers to you and those that loved him.

I think that's a great plan...And you are right...There is no problem you can have in the universe....That alcohol can't make worse. This too shall pass....We have to have faith in that.

Listen to your gut... then your heart... then your head.

Your gut is telling you that you're not comfortable where you are, and they aren't comfortable either. Okay - everyone made a mistake with the decision, fine - we do not have to take any of it personally when that happens... everyone makes mistakes. Your daughter can watch you walk calmly through this, letting go of what can not be changed, and having the courage to change what we can. She will revel and adore living with a Mother who can exemplify the serenity we can achieve through our HP and our program.

So - you got it all out in words. As stepchild said - all the answers have been written, you just need to peel off the outer surfaces of drama now and get down to where your gut and your heart are waiting for you with spiritual answers. Turn those into actions as you have told me to do many times : ) And I cherish your love and strength and example here on MIP - thank you for sharing this here with us today.

Having a place to live and an income to support it are REAL scary challenges. I guess if it were me, I would spread the words gently and respectfully in AA that I'm looking for temporary help. I might consider being a live in Nanny, or offer elderly care for room and board. I don't have any friends I'd want to live with and have watch my kids unfortunately either... or family members. If I think of other idea's I will PM you : )

I'm so sorry for the loss of your loved one (((beautiful soul))) take care of you - be gentle to you xxxx

Sorry you are going through such a rough time.  We all have our moments of something similar we have and will experience as a part of life.  Don't let it rattle you so hard.

Remember, that making any hasty, emotionally charged decision can leave out a lot of vital information that could guide you to a better decision and thus at better place.

Breath... in and out!

Pause and ask God for guidence and direction...

Put one foot in front of the other and keep trying to do the next right thing....

and you know what will happen?

The next right thing!

Trust yourself, trust God, and Trust that this is just a stage of development.... its not the whole picture.

Most importantly, hug your daughter, and thus get a hug in return.

I will send up a prayer for you, your friends and your daughter today.

John

I think that the most important thing was getting out of his mothers house, once and for all and that has certainly been accomplished. The mistake I made in coming here just made me see that much more clearly where I need to be and that is in the city where my sponsors and sponsees are and where my church, job, and fellowship is.
To answer some questions, her dad intends to give me money on Sunday. His mother pushed me out of three hundred dollars for February rent when she knew I would not be there in February. This happened right after my dad died so I was emotionally raw.
The friend that I came to stay with has been my friend since we were fourteen. But I am finding that some of her fourteen year old behaviors have not changed. My daughter was fussing the first day and my friend imitated the fuss in such an exaggerated way as to turn it into a scream. My daughter just stared at her. The look on my friends face was ugly. The sound she made was ugly and the action itself did not help the situation at all. My gut feeling is that I do not want my daughter exposed to more of the same while I am off working sixty miles away.
My father, not the one who just passed, once called me his gypsy child. Since my home of origin is in Solano County, I came up with SolanoGypsy and it just kind of stuck.
Also, I have two sponsors, one in AA and the other a member of several twelve step groups who, incidentally, used to be my attorney and has become my friend. One sponsor was supportive of the move, the other had mixed feelings. Both felt my life and my daughters would be better if we were not living with her dad and both were correct.
This morning, I began making calls to a couple of women from church, one who may be willing to rent a room, the other may be willing to provide childcare. I immediately began to feel peace. (Perhaps the result of putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing.)
It is difficult to convey how grateful I am that I can come here and post what is true in my life. Thank you guys for the help. As ever, I am open to any more suggestions you all might have.

i take them "gut feelings" as my Hp telling me something.

SolanoGypsy wrote:

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    You know what guys?  I am convinced that God is even more concerned with the outcome than I am, and that his plans are not to harm me but to prosper me and give me a hope and a future.  I am very eager to see where he is trying to take me and with that, there is also some fear.  But y hope is that in the same way that he enabled me to push past the fear and go to rehab, he will also enable me to push through this and come out victorious.

     I am so grateful for the support and love I am receiving here as well as through my "in the flesh" fellowship.  God in you all is good all the time.  Thank you.

you got that right! God doesnt do harm to us. prolly my favorite reading from the daily reflection:

 

APRIL 17

LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES

All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own

right.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49

"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was

there." I don't know to whom this quote should be

attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is

an illusion. I create the illusion myself.

I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly

thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I

didn't know that one of the definitions of "courage" is "the

willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear." Courage,

then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.

During the times I didn't have love in my life I most

assuredly had fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In

looking back, I realize that, during the times I feared God

most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to fear

God, I also learned to experience joy.

 

 

 

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-- Edited by tomsteve on Saturday 2nd of February 2013 01:18:17 AM

You're in my prayers SG.

      I just want to thank my MIP family from the fulness of my heart.  A new turn of events has transpired.  Out of the blue, one sister in sobriety said, "my place is uber small but you guys are welcome here."  Then another friend of many years, upon hearing that I left my daughters father said, "Life helps those who help themselves.  I will do whatever I can whenever I can to help you.  What are your hours and when do you need me to watch your daughter?"

     When God delivers, God delivers!  As I read and reread all of your responses, I find myself very grateful that you guys took the time to respond to my concerns and took the time to thoughtfully respond to my concerns. Strikes me that some folks here must be led of a Higher Power. :)

     Love and appreciate you, Victoria.

Ditto what Stepchild said ...

YEAH!

Thanks for posting SG, ... it's nice to know how our prayers are answered sometimes ... this is one of those great times ... thanks for keeping us updated ...

 

P.S.   Keeping your Dad in our prayers as well !!!