I am so grateful that you all were so encouraging to me yesterday, I was shocked to hear that you are all the same as I, especially you Tasha. I hope that some day I can honestly & openly admit all of the things that are so shameful to say outloud. I have done just about all that you listed and more. I am trying to learn to forgive myself, but I guess that will probably only take time. I also want to break this cycle in my family, I am praying now that my children will not be like me or my Father and that AA is the key to our problems.
Because of you all....I did it. I went to my first AA meeting last night. I almost didn't get out of the car I was so scared. I walked in a few minutes before it was to start and have to admit that I have never been so scared in my life. I was an emotional wreck and that is totally unlike me. Turns out I was the only new person to the group but by the end of the night I had met 20 wonderful people who embraced me with open arms & love. Someone gave me a book and I got lots of phone numbers and names to call and they asked me to come back. Hearing their stories of how it works was encouraging. One of the ladies said that she was "made" to go to the AA meetings and that 1 year later she has gotten so much more than just sober, it has changed her life and she has joy back. That is exactly what I want. I have to be honest, I am grateful and shocked to find others who have done all the horrible things I have done, drank from sun up to sun down for a long time, hid it just like I did and were just as scared as I was to turn my life around, but it is so freeing at this same time. Starting the book now and planning to return to learn the 12 steps and learn how to work through them. (I got a silver chip!!) :)
Just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your love & support, asking for prayers and more support so that I can someday be who I am made to be and return the favor to someone else as broken as I. Sincerely appreciate you all!
Wonderful message of HOPE for all to see. WE do this together,a day at a time,guided by a Higher Power and working toward the Solution by the application of the STEPS incorporated in all areas of our lives,attitudes and behaviors. Keep coming back,WE need you......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
My heart sings for joy that you made a meeting last night ... it's a great start ... no matter what happens now, you'll know that the solution to our problems are inside the doors of AA and in the learning and practicing of the 12 steps ...
You are in my daily prayers, God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Finally I had to break a smile at some point and joke at my turn that I didn't think I was going to cry today - and everyone busted a gut including me LOL. Now I still get teary eyed sometimes, but it's mostly due to seeing other people like you come in and find a breath of peace... and it reminds me how lucky I am to have found recovery. I am so happy for yoU!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Well done,the first step is always the hardest but u did it! Just remember when u feel like your drowning,god is your lifeguard,he will help you every step of the way.
I have to be honest, I am grateful and shocked to find others who have done all the horrible things I have done,
I bet I could put you to shame...I'll tell you what....I didn't have a great day at work today...Your post just put a big smile on my face. Keep coming back....And use those numbers even it's just to call someone and say...I'm new and look forward to learning from you at the meetings. Nice going Mom2Samalways....Nice going.
Welcome to the board Mom, and great job making it to your first face to face meeting. That takes a lot of courage. This program, this board, and my home group have helped me to realize a life I didn't even know was possible. My constant companions guilt and shame have been replaced with hope and faith. Gradually, with the willingness to do what my sponsor guided me to do, I have been able to string together 19months, one day at a time. Hope you stick around and continue to allow us to share in your journey. (((hugs)))
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
You might want to get along to a doctor and let them give you the once over. The withdrawals can get nasty if they're not managed, but they are easy to manage properly. It won't hurt you to get a checkup anyway as we tend not to come into AA in great shape - I looked and felt like death warmed up.
Emotionally it'll take a while. It needs to. You are going to have to first clean up your system and then get to know who the real you is. You can't hurry that stuff but it is well worth the effort. Right now just concentrate on staying away from the first drink and getting along to meetings. Keep doing that and listening with an open mind and your life will begin to get better and better in ways you can't even imagine right now.
Oh, and don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing a wonderful thing. :)
-- Edited by Frodo on Thursday 24th of January 2013 10:33:38 AM
Thank you all. I have been so sick with headache, nausea, my hands are trembling and clammy and very anxious. My husband continues to tell me how proud of me he is and that is helping alot. I am grateful that this is the 6th Day I am sober and want to continue to fight, I am just praying that the sickness will let up soon. Thank you all for the advice, looking forward to seeing the AA group tonight face to face. I am sure you guys did, but did you all also have mixed emotions? joy about a possible new start/future and regret of missing bad habits and having to deal with reality sober? cause being this sick, having a bad day at work, and the realization that I've gained weight/let "myself go"/changed is hard. I don't k now why, but I pictured getting sober would automatically "fix" the hurt feelings, finances, etc. and I would get back to being the old me or better. quickly learning on Day 6 it is not as easy to repair the damage as it was to cause the damage. I know though if I stick to it and learn from you all and those at the meetings that it will get better, right?
Everyday you don't pick up...You'll get better....I don't think a check up is a bad idea either...Be totally honest with your doctor...No holding back. They might be able to help you make these early days easier. As far as life getting better without alcohol goes....I don't think any of us would be doing this if it didn't. How does better than you could ever imagine sound? Hang in there...And don't pick up the first drink...No matter what!
The weight from all the alcohol literally fell off of me in a couple of months. Not having an extra 2000 calories a day from wine made a huge difference in my waist line. I did eat a little more chocolate for a while - but no where near 2000 calories worth - and I made sure not to drink pop or any other sugary replacement instead of alcohol.
I still have weight to lose, but the weight from drinking is gone, and now I can stick to eating right and exercising or at least taking walks, because drinking doesn't ruin everything I do for my health. My motivations and goals can be achieved for the first time in my 34 yr life, because I'm not being held back by addiction.
Like everyone says - just don't drink - keep going to meetings and things WILL get better.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thank you so much for all the advice & support! I am 10 days Sober today and a work in progress. I am leaning on God as I am learning that I am completely powerless over my addiction. My family is being 100% supportive and I am feeling much better physically (although the cravings are still there). I did some cleaning this past weekend and found where I had hidden stashes (all empty of course..) and it just repulsed me to think about it. although when stress arises it is my first thought, but I am honestly trying to see the "big picture" of life and that although I may have a disease that I cannot control, God can. picking up 1 drink will not solve anything. Being open and honest to myself and to everyone around me for the first time in a long time, surely good can come of that...
thank you all for the support & I hope to be in your shoes and return it someday. "Every Day is a New Begininng"
Ok, kinda late to this party. I'm all goose bumpy over your excitement from your first meeting. That's awesome you found a lovely group and are raring to go.
Thank you so much for all the advice & support! I am 10 days Sober today and a work in progress. I am leaning on God as I am learning that I am completely powerless over my addiction. My family is being 100% supportive and I am feeling much better physically (although the cravings are still there). I did some cleaning this past weekend and found where I had hidden stashes (all empty of course..) and it just repulsed me to think about it. although when stress arises it is my first thought, but I am honestly trying to see the "big picture" of life and that although I may have a disease that I cannot control, God can. picking up 1 drink will not solve anything. Being open and honest to myself and to everyone around me for the first time in a long time, surely good can come of that...
thank you all for the support & I hope to be in your shoes and return it someday. "Every Day is a New Begininng"
J
Leaning on God and being honest with yourself and others....Not a bad foundation. You helped me today...Thanks for your post!
