Alcohol has absolutely destroyed me! It has left permanent physical scars and brain damage and I am now worse off in life than ever before! I focus all of my stinking thinking toward alcohol now, and it takes my hatred and anger from myself and others because my hatred is justifiable! I hate alcohol more than anything I've ever hated and it feels great! Alcohol destroys! It brings tears and heartbreak! It's torture and murder! It's foul, lascivious, disgusting demon piss! When I go to good fellowship meetings, I rejoice because the great things I hear in those meetings fuels the fires of my righteous anger! This hatred, unlike past hatreds, actually benefits me! I get more energy, drive, and a can-do attitude that helps me carry the day! I don't feel the least bit guilty about this loathing, this contempt, this hatred for absolutely the most disgusting substance this world has ever seen and ever will see! A.A. helps keep this fire burning! I go to the meetings because the love in the room feeds my hate for the perverted venom that brought us forth in the first place! How easy is now to forgive myself and others! How simple it is to shrug off frustrations as I focus my hate where it truly belongs, that demonic key to living hell and horrible death, ALCOHOL!
welcome to the board. While it's good to focus on alcohol being especially bad for you, making alcohol the object of your dissatisfaction misses the underlying causes of your personal dissatisfaction, that will likely be transferred to something or somebody else (or yourself). Hating anything is not good, it releases strong internal chemicals in our brain and causes an imbalance to the same. In our recovery we seek acceptance of ourselves, others, the world, and our innability to drink safely. Ultimately we desire to be sober, happy, joyous, and free to love and be loved. Hate is a large road block or at least a formidable speed bump/detour in the recovery process. Keep coming back
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 23rd of January 2013 10:02:20 AM
I think your pereptions are working in your favor as far as sobriety is concerned so I would just roll with it. I had to think of alcohol that way too for almost a year. I still think it's a pretty lame and useless substance the the rest of society pays too much attention to but I don't think of it as demon piss anymore LOL.
It was necessary for me to think they way you do for a good long while though cuz that kept me out of bars and places where there was abundant alcohol during my most vulnerable periods when I was still building up my program.
For now, it works cuz all you really need for socialization, guidance, friendship...it's in AA basically. Later on when you get more used to your sobriety, yoiu will lose your anger some and recognize that alcohol is "evil" for you and for the rest of us alcoholics. Other than that...it's relatively benign to nonalcoholics. They will freak on you if you pull that "demon piss" think every time you see someone having a glass of wine at a restaurant or a beer during poker night...whatever. Normal drinkers can do that....we can't. I'm not angry about that anymore and I don't fool myself that some folks can do that and it's not wrong and evil. They can enjoy it. I can't. Not drinking allows me to enjoy life (to have a life actually). So...no biggie.
After a while you will see that justifiable anger is pointless too....and the big book states this. Besides, as you gain more sobriety time and work the actual program of AA through the steps, you'll need to take more personal responsibility. It is a disease. Alcoholism is terrible and it makes me angry too, but it was ME that made the choices I did. If you just blame alcohol 100 percent and leave yourself out and also leave your HP out...you won't have the type of change needed to stay sober in the long run.
In early sobriety...whatever it takes to get another day. It works for you now but be prepared for further growth and change. It's all good.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Good suggestions here. And another from our writings...Just For Today,you don't have to use alcohol. WE are here for each other.Keep doing the work and more is continually revealed!!
We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch burners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.
Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers will not stand for it.
After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!
Peace and serenity man!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Please forgive my seeming a bit fanatical. I am not a prohibitionist, don't hate people who drink or brew alcohol,(They know not what they do...) nor do I present my case publicly in such a foaming at the mouth, fire and brimstone fashion, and trust me, I know not to scare off newcomers, but alcohol has warped my brain to where I can't get an education, good job, etc. Sure, I drank the s@#t, but what did the damage? The vile alcohol. It ruined my life from the time I was 5 years old. YES, that's right! My drinking was but a symptom of the damage caused by that very first drink! Alcohol kills! One does not even need to be an alcoholic for the Devil's Urine to ruin them! One does not need to even have ever had a sip of that blasphemous brew to be destroyed by it! And as for hate causing chemical reactions and imbalance in the brain? I have that stigma PERMANENTLY! And as I said in my first post, I derive great joy from this hatred. Deep,deep inside, I feel stress-free and relaxed when I get my justifiable anger. THIS IS WHAT HELPS ME DEAL WITH LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS. I plead the third tradition. I love you all, and I hate alcohol!-AlcoHater
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Wednesday 23rd of January 2013 09:14:36 PM
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Wednesday 23rd of January 2013 11:13:00 PM
I never understood why I drank like I did....It took me till I was 52 years old to actually get my hands on a Big Book and read it with an open mind a heavy dose of desperation. When I read about the phenomenon of craving being something that made me different from normal drinkers....A physical allergy and a mental obsession....That was the first thing that ever made sense to me...Why was I a tornado tearing people's...Including mine...lives apart? I never had a clue. I don't think I ever hated alcohol....I sure didn't understand it.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Wednesday 23rd of January 2013 10:15:44 PM
Welcome to the MIP forum! Early on I went to a lot of speaker meetings, these mostly reinforced the negative concequences of alcohol. I do think these stories helped me to look at alcohol as a killer and not the long lost friend I wanted back.
I looked at the magazine ads and billboards that portrayed the glamour of alcohol differently. While not formally dicussed, I do think there is often a "cognative therapy" element to AA for some of us. This helped me early on with the mental obsession part of the disease.
Like Dean said, keep coming back and get into the steps and spiritual part of the program that involves working on ourseleves. We are spiritually sick and need to work on a spiritual solution.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I really don't know about basing my sobriety on anger or hatred ... like Dean said, that's a big 'roadblock' in the whole recovery process to me ...
Read page 66 in the Big Book ... maybe you'll catch on to what we're saying ...:
on pg. 66 ... It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
justadrunk-I took your posts as "Wow! Somebody's trying to HELP me!" and not as sarcasm on your part. I was just confused (still am) as to the reason for the content, that's all! I've read some of your other posts and am convinced that you're a very caring, loving person. So no worries! I take no offense to no offense! Now, back to what I DO BEST! ALCOHOL! That vile, sickening crap! That one-way ticket to living hell! That liquified succubus (for the men)! That incubus in a bottle(for the ladies)! The barf of Baphomet, the manure of Mephistopheles, that degrading, depraved...(etc., etc., etc....)
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Friday 25th of January 2013 11:59:43 PM
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Saturday 26th of January 2013 12:03:34 AM
EDUCATED?!!? ME? Guess you missed the part about brain damaged...look, folks, I'm just doing things the way that my DESTROYED brain (now, THAT'S a liability!) can muster! I KNOW I'm wrong, and I'm not asking anyone else to do what I do, but know this: if you don't hate alcohol, I'm MORE than happy to do it for you! PEACE!!!
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Saturday 26th of January 2013 12:49:16 AM
Alcohol hater - I have just recently got to experience life, minus the part where I THINK it SHOULD be something ELSE rather than what it is or has been... as if I'm God and I know everything.
That has been a great reward from doing the steps, and I love the promises... how about you?
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I was asking that question to you literally... not sarcastically or with any other mean or vindictive undertones. Just straight up recent experience, and joy for the program and that it really works... and a what about you at the end... as in "high five" - the promises do come true YEAH!
Sorry if it came across as something else.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
That's right, Frodo! Whatever works! And I smirked at your genuflect at the sight of the stuff comment! I got a good laugh out of that! Thank you for your positive reply. (And no, I'm NOT being sarcastic.) I love you all, and I hate alcohol!
Ahater, as time goes by (in sobriety) you'll think about alcohol less and less. To me, the disease resides inbetween my ears (not in the bottle) and it doesn't mater what the substance, or event it is. John Bradshaw wrote, what I think, is the perfect definition of addiction. "A pathological (love to, have to) relationship to a mood altering substance or event that has life damaging consequences". As recovering alcoholics (or practicing) we can and do switch addictions: eating, sex, control, anger, buying, hording, video games, and even spending time on the internet is definitely an addiction problem for me. It can damage my life if I don't work, eat, sleep, exercise, pay bills, socialize, get to meetings..... or spend time with my family when I should. Your "hate" for alcohol may be working for you now, but I assure that, moving forward in your recovery, that it's an intentional, or unintended distraction from the real deal, which is yourself. Trust me, been there and have a closet full of T-shirts.
