I've been a bit quiet as of late. I'm totally overwhelmed with work right now and being pulled in eight million directions. I have been hitting my two meetings a week, but before I went back to work in January I was able to go to a lot more. I am going to make sure I add at least one more into the mix on busy weeks to bring it up to three, but aim to get to four or five. I am really feeling it.
I've been having an irritable pity party, but my overwhelming thought/feeling/whatever is still that none of this is anything that would be made better by a drink.
Lovely Ruby, and thank you for keeping us posted : )
I am amazed at people who can do it with so few meetings so early on. I proved to myself on day 40 that I could not - and had to drink for a few more weeks again - only to return with both feet in 10 months ago. I had to get to as many meetings as possible for 3 months, and I still go to 4 or 5 or 6 a week. When I only go to 2, I'm a puddle.
I hope you are able to find the strength and recovery you are looking for with so few meetings, and would encourage you to build that number up the rest of this year. I know a lot of people say that putting in the time during the 1st year is so important. I'm not there yet - and I'm glad! I like to go to lots of meetings!
And no one wants a puddle for a wife or mother I guess anyway LOLOLLOL ; )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Good for you RubyT, ... these are the kind of times I found the Serenity Prayer an invaluable tool ... it always helped me calm down and take a deep breath to get a good perspective on things ...
And ... ... ... you're absolutely correct that you will experience NO problem that a drink or a drug won't make worse ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
So true, Tasha. I was going to five meetings or so a week over the Christmas break, and that was perfect, I was starting to feel really good. I wasn't working regularly at that point, so it was easier, but I need to do it even when it's harder!
Pappy, thanks for the Serenity Prayer reminder. I need that one today!
Do you have a sponsor yet Ruby? At least calling your sponsor daily during these periods keeps you closer to the middle of the AA "boat" so to speak. It's harder to fall out when you are in the middle. If you get thoughts like "I should really go to more meetings." STOP and go to a meeting ASAP. This is what I have learned over time. THOSE are the thoughts we should pay attention to...not the next thought which states "Nah...just go to bed" or "Nah...too much other stuff to do today." The disease will make time to drink.
Not saying go to meetings 7 x a week (though at your stage, if you could do that it would be best) but at LEAST reach out to another alcoholic (via phone or in person) daily. You need to do that for yourself and for your sobriety. It's essential.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
RT, you're in a slippery place, going to a couple meetings a week with no sponsor. Time to get "in the middle" of the program. Think of your program having a chances of success meter calibrated to percentages. That puppy would be reading below half right about now. Get busy with this simple program and the rest of the stuff you got going on will take care of itself.
You're so right, Dean. At a meeting today, someone shared about the program being like a spinning wheel. When the crap hits the fan and the wheel starts going really fast, if you're in the centre of the program you will hang on. If you're on the edges, you'll fly off. I like that.
I forgot to mention that I have a home group now. Hurrah! I signed up last week. So I look forward to getting more involved in other aspects with my home group.
How do you sign up? Have I been missing something? I can't go too long without a meeting. I get too crazy. I have a hard time going more than 3 days. Btw, I'm on day two and its already rough. I hope you get a sponsor soon.
I just went up to the secretary after the meeting and told her I wanted to join. She gave me a members list and a list of possible duties. She also told me to come to business meetings (great!)
I just went up to the secretary after the meeting and told her I wanted to join. She gave me a members list and a list of possible duties. She also told me to come to business meetings (great!)
So, I went to two meetings today. I'm feeling better already. And, I am going to bite the bullet and phone this woman and ask her to be my sponsor. The only thing holding me back is a) fear that she'll say no and b) fear that she'll say yes and I'll have to do some work for this. I need to get on with it.
News Bulletin!!! ... RubyT ... 1st There's absolutely NO reason to have fear(we've done it, didn't want to, but wouldn't go back and change it for nothin' ...)(it set us FREE)
2nd You will have to do a little WORK ... ... ... but it will be a GREAT life changing experience, ask Tasha!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You'll bounce around a bit for a while. You've smothered your emotions in alcohol for a long while, and now the body is trying to remember how they are meant to work on their own. It's doing a bit of tweaking so sometimes it'll get it a bit wrong - too much, too little, wrong time etc. It's work it out sooner or later so just ride the waves right now and remember that it'll pass.
-- Edited by Frodo on Thursday 24th of January 2013 08:52:29 PM
Ruby - being afraid is okay and on your side. Walking through fear is part of the growing process you have already begun. The more you do things you normally wouldn't, the more you walk through fears big or small, the more you change and discover who you are... the more you get to grow into the person you were meant to be. That's the wonderful thing about this program... it's just full of possibilities... full of opportunities... full of the love and support many of us never got to experience growing up, but get to now know what it can feel like. Now we can begin to feel what life what meant to be like for us... full of love, inspiration, where people tell us we have nothing at all to be ashamed of... and appreciate it so much more because of the times we spent without that kind of support. Finally we can REALLY grow up! Maybe not taller - but the growth is finally free to happen inside! Take the hand extended to you as you would the hand of God - whatever that might be for you... and grow with Him.
You can do it Ruby!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Oh you guys, I feel like sh*t today. I don't even know why. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I'm no use to anything. I just wish I could hide away from everyone and everything. I don't know what I should do or where I belong. I feel so awkward and horrible and frustrated and sad. I just needed to get that out there I think.
I used to be expert at making a 'mountain' out of a 'mole hill' ... well, I still can, but ... why ... ? ... Ruby, take a few deep breaths often during the day and say the 'Serenity Prayer' ... There is absolutely nothing going on in your life today that some or all of us haven't already experienced ... guess what, we made it through the rough spots, so can you ... don't let these times get you depressed, you're right where you need to be ... you feel awkward? ... sure, we all did at one time ... that's normal ... 'cause we're in the process of dumping our 'old way of thinking' and learning a 'new way to think' ... it can be a little scary even ... but it's what we knew we needed to do ... else nothing changes ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I had terrible trouble with mood swings in the first 3 months. I came to realize (or was told) that I should try to calm myself on mood upswings as the higher the high, the lower the low. This is just our internal pendulum continuing to swing from all of the years was made ourselves a Yo-Yo by drinking and using even caffeine even. For me drugs that were stimulants to enable me to stay awake and drink more. Of course the next day or days, I was dead to the world, the following evening back on the roller coaster. It takes time to get off this "ride". Hang in there, it flattens out and boy is it ever a good feeling to feel continuously good.
naaahhh they're perfect... no shame in having a normal spectrum of feelings : )
I basically 'journaled out loud' here during the time I did my 90 meetings in 90 days. It was good for me to get feed back - and also good to remain committed to something no matter how I felt - no matter if I wanted to or not. I said I was going to do it, I did it, and it felt like a real accomplishment at the end! Since then I have stayed committed to posting here and trying to give back what was so freely given to me... and it has been AWESOME! I would highly highly recommend it!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I feel like my posts should be disregarded for a while due to unreliability!
Nah. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. I call it my 'head in a washing machine' time. It was a wild ride sometimes, and I wouldn't like to do it again, but I'm glad I did it once. It was a time of great learning for me. A time to get to know the real person who had been drowning under that alcohol for all those years.
And it passed just like they promised, and a new, happier person popped out the other side.
No doubt it's a roller coaster ride...Buckle up...Sponsor...Stepwork....Meetings....I was looking for that new freedom and new happiness they talked about in the promises....It's there.
you're doing great! I love that you signed up for your home group. I started a group recently that does that sort of thing though it is not the general practice over here (more's the pity). It's a great thing to BELONG, to be a part of, and finding a sponsor will be the icing on the cake.
On the mood swings, old man Wilson had some experience with this and he found a solution, one that works for me too..
" I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going".
Get busy with this simple program and the rest of the stuff you got going on will take care of itself. 
