I was at a meeting the other night...There were a few newcomers there. And a guy shared he was talking with an AA friend that had 38 years sober in AA....And the guy told him he worked an easier softer program of AA. Take what you want...But that didn't include the steps. I thought it was such an odd message to carry...I seem to remember...Half measures availed us nothing...and Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path....I shared how those steps changed me....And gave me a design for living...The steps are the easier softer way. I was just curious if you've ever run into this message in meetings before....I know I didn't read Take what you want in the literature. It may apply to meetings...But I see no place for that in the suggested program of recovery. Thoughts?
I too, have had similar experiences and found that they are simply the words of someone else's opinion ... if what they are doing works for them, good for them ... but I've tried some of these easier softer ways and for me?, nothing short of following the entire program works ... I think new comers come to realize early, that there is a solution here, and that others who split off in different directions are much less likely to experience satisfying sobriety ...
I have come across those too, who have stayed sober for years on a frickin' resentment ... not ideal, but if that's the power greater than yourself and it keeps you sober, fine (but those are the types that always seem 'grumpy' for some reason ... sober?, yes ... happy ... not so much, or at least not very often) ... but I rather have the sobriety the book teaches ... it's a lot more gratifying and enjoyable ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I know. I've tried. No doubt wilful me will convince myself the my way is the better way and I'll try again - and I'll start running rough again.
It seems that every six months or so my idiot brain convinces me that some of the stuff in the Big Book and the Steps aren't really that important and we can let up on them for a little bit, and life promptly gives me a wrap over the knuckles. So while I don't always do what I am s'posed to, I know damn well that I'm only fooling myself when I don't.
(AA's version, characteristically, incorporates a bit more desperation)
The idea is, we help each other in meetings by sharing from our personal experience ,who knows about alcoholism and addiction better than those who have experienced it, or have lived with it?
From what I've heard over the years, the AA version is said less often in AA than the AlAnon version is said in AlAnon. Why? I think its because in AA, the feeling is, were trying to save our lives, and in order to do that, we've gotta do as we are bloody well told. We feel like we cant afford to give people the idea that we can pick and choose anything. I have also heard "take what you need and leave the rest until you are ready for it" There are many sayings and words I've heard at meetings that weren't in the Big Book and I have also listened to many who supposedly had recovery but talked of things that wouldn't have helped me andly not in any book. Just,because we stop drinking and began recovery don't mean we still ain't sick...The general statement I believe is more about sharing AND NOT THE PROGRAM.. I have also heard "Take what you need and leave the rest until your ready for it..This statement is more based in the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous, CHAP. 5 relating that , that program won't work if people try to adapt it in their lives when they should really be adapting their lives into the program. It says people seek solutions not problems and try to apply what they have learned on an experimental basis thru spiritual principles which are the best guarantee against relapse. I have defintely heard statements by people who speak of recovery that definitely wouldn;t have helped me thru their sharing. WE are responsible for our recoveries and not everything shared at meetings is Gospel..From the statement made by the oldtimer I would personally have found that not condusive for me as I believe the Steps applied in my life has been the Solution for me and my daily work on my journey of freedom and God centeredness... My first Sponsor,35 years in sobriety,mid 80 year old man,also didnt work steps with me but did everything else.(A sponsors basic goal to help work the STEPS??) :) A hardcore,live under the bridge,black out type of individual.God rest him in Peace..Anyway little history of one of the many "talking points ' we hear IN AND SOMETIMES EVEN OUT OF THE ROOMS(keep it on me anyway)..Thanks for sharing your feelings its how we work things out..
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Perhaps your long-timer friend was dancing with a newcomer? When we fear newcomers being too frightened, the message MAY be softened temporarily, in order to real 'em back in? There are many layers of purpose in long time sobriety (long time sobriety is NEVER a fluke! I dont know ANY longtimers who dont live inside of the steps) and appearance (aka self-seeking) must become less important, with service to the newbies as the ONLY real thing that matters.
Usually folks that don't have sponsors and don't work steps and only go to meetings do not brag about that. There are MANY of those around though. Some of them stay sober and some don't. I can't figure out why they don't give it their all and I can't figure out why some of them actually seem okay with just meetings (for now). I have resigned it's not my job to figure it out. That doesn't work for me.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Maybe this person of many years of sobriety tried taking the steps and they failed to produce results. Remember, it's "RARELY have we seen a person fail...", not "Never have we seen a person fail...". There are many elements in the program that just don't work for me, but I keep comin' back because if I don't, I WILL GO BACK OUT! I am... the Most Boring man in the World. Stay sober, my friends.
Maybe this person of many years of sobriety tried taking the steps and they failed to produce results. Remember, it's "RARELY have we seen a person fail...", not "Never have we seen a person fail...". There are many elements in the program that just don't work for me, but I keep comin' back because if I don't, I WILL GO BACK OUT! I am... the Most Boring man in the World. Stay sober, my friends.
It's funny because Bill W. wanted to use Never in How It Works....But they were afraid someone would fail just to prove them wrong...I can honestly say I haven't seen anyone that took the steps fearlessly and honestly fail yet. Dr. Bob wasn't afraid to use never in his story in the first edition.
If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you. If you still think you are strong enough to beat the game alone, that is your affair. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all, and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails, if you go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when you were getting another drink.
The Doctor's Nightmare
I think the guy just got sober going to meetings...Maybe he wasn't the type of alcoholic they describe in the book....Who knows?....All I know is...I was...I thought that book was about me...I needed recovery...More than just fellowship...I needed the steps.
There is a women in one of my meetings who is now about 20 years sober but she shared that when she first came to AA she could not wrap her mind around NEVER drinking again. She told herself that when she was 65 she could have a drink. Now she is getting closer to that age and has accepted that she can not do that but in the beginning it was what she had to tell herself to remain in recovery.
I don't have an opinion on if it is right or wrong but it did work for her.
