I have to say that I was "lurking" around the board yesterday and realized that I have a lot of the same struggles with alcohol. So, I decided to join and push myself to check-in daily. This isn't the first time I have searched the internet for support. Ugh!
My recent struggles with alcohol have been within the last 4 years (I am 42). From 21 - 38 I was able to control my drinking. For many years I could tell people that I had never had a hangover, but it's a different story now. What happened? I am not sure. But, now I cannot seem to stop drinking when I start. I constantly hide it from my family. I am one of those who is constantly looking for different hiding places for the bottle. When I realize my "stash" is low, I rack my brain trying to figure out what different stores to purchase my alcohol. I don't want to visit the same place too often. However, I am tired (and sick) of feeling the dependency of alcohol. I haven't had a major traumatic event, but what has recently bothered me was my 13-year-old son telling my husband, "Mom is getting very forgetful." Well, I know it's the alcohol.
I had no alcohol yesterday and feel fabulous. I love how wonderful I feel in the morning, instead of dragging myself out of bed due to a pounding headache.
I didn't think I was going post anything this quickly, so thank you for the "Welcome!" I appreciate it.
Sorry Nikki, but I had to chuckle a little ... well, a lot actually ... it's not you, it's me ... when I read your post, i just knew I had written that exact same thing, word for word, just a few years ago ...
For 20 some odd years, I never got hangovers either ... but then I noticed I started getting these little shakes in the morning, no headache still, but the shakes were a little unnerving ... no problem, I'd just have a beer or a shot, and everything would be okay ... then I noticed my kid and the people at work mentioning things I'd forgotten ... at first I thought they were the ones with the problem, but later, I found out it was indeed, me with the problem ...
By that time, I'd learned to hide my bottles and beer all over the place (kept finding them years after my last drink ... LOL) ... and my drinking was now all day long ... every morning, I'd look in the mirror and say never again, today will be different, but I'd be drunk as a skunk by night-fall ... and I too, went out of my way to purchase liquor and beer from different places, yes, I was getting embarrassed to be buying a week's supply every other day ...
Sounds like you're in the right place ... we can help you if and when you decide to help yourself ... stick with us, we are the winners ... we'll show you how to be one too ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Your story is my story....Right down to the different liquor stores...Even hiding it from the clerks...How insane is that?....Good news is there is a way out....Glad you found the place....I tried for years to quit....I got good at quitting....I just couldn't stay quit. AA is the only thing that worked for me....19 months next week without a drink....Amazing. Glad you stopped lurking and checked in.
I got so tired of seeing the same guy at the gas station, and being mortified that he knew how much alcohol that I was buying - that I bought a home making wine kit... but ugh... you have to wait a long time for the wine... I was always going to quit WAY before that would ever be finished.... LOLOLOL
I totally relate to everything you wrote too. Glad you're here! Hope you can get to a live meeting - this is no replacement for the live thing, however... I love this board and all of the regulars here just like my live AA family... hugs are good though : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
