I had dinner with a friend last night and he asked if it would bother me if he had a glass of wine. (He's not in the program, and doesn't need to be.) I honestly answered him "no, I don't mind." He poured 1/2 a glass, took one sip, put the glass on the counter and went outside to check the food on the grill. I watched his glass and for a few seconds had a thought I could take a sip and no one would know. He brought the steaks in, we ate, he took another sip and got up and got himself a glass of pepsi. When the dishes were being done, he poured the wine down the sink and handed me the glass to wash. My thought again, I could have finished off his wine and started on the dishes and no one would know - What idiot would waste a perfectly good glass of wine!! It really wasn't an URGE that I wanted to drink, it was just those couple of thoughts of how easily I could. I'm thankful the thoughts were "fleeting" but here's what I want to know - do "fleeting" thoughts of drinking ever stop? I lost the urge a few months back and I'm praying I'll lose the thoughts also..........Thanks for letting me share.
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
I think that is why they made it a One day at a time program is because we get thoughts every now and then. I was at friends house eating dinner on Christmas Eve and they where serving some kind of alcholic frosty drink from the blender. Yum, I use to love those things! Only for a second I wanted to drink,but the program comes to mind in those times you need it. I don't think the thought of drinking will ever really pass,but the program teaches us what to do when they come up. I was with another sober alcoholic and I could leave at any time I wanted, I also went to see my sponcer before we went,so I had all my bases covered. I guess we made it through, right! It's perfectly normal to have thoughts of drinking exspecailly when your around alcohol.
I think it was very thoughtful of your friend to ask you, but then thoughtless of him to leave it like that. But that happens and we have to be ready. I had 15 years of sobriety before last Christmas. I do get cravings sometimes,, there are certain 'triggers' for me. I slipped last year, and now have one year of sobriety. So we can't take anything for granted. That's why we call this disease 'cunning', cuz it can lie in wait, and then sneak up on us.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Read your Post and felt for you. Just my thoughts on your thought about "I could, no one would know"
If I had a thought like that, it would Really Scare me, personally, it made me think of my drinking days, when say were were expecting company, I needed a social Lubricate to ease the feelings of nerveousness I felt, over being the Hostess, "did
everthing look o.k., did I look o.k., would the food be liked," on, and on and on,. Well Doll, I never had that thought without finding a place to have a couple of drinks, do the mouthwash thing, maybe a little perfume, or whatever, to cover up any hint of drinking. Afterall, no One would know, and they didn't, until everyone was on the second drink before dinner, and my behavior got a little squilley.
Then as the evening progressed, you know the rest. It reminds me of that story in the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous , about that guy sitting in a dining room, in a Hotel, he was traveling alone, and when after several years of Sobiety, he tells how, when the waiter asked him if he would like to have a cocktail, his thought was the same as yours, "no one will know", and with that he ordered a scotch. He explains how he told the waiter he wanted his scotch with milk, and that would not really be a drink, and he would have just one. That was the last thought he remembered. Woke up several days later in a strange town, did not have clue how he got there.
That story came to mind instantly when you talk about that thought. When after being a Relapser for over 10 years, I have a thousand memories, of 'Just one, know one will know' ending, with not maybe being in a strange town, but with one more duzzy of a hangover.
When by the Grace of God, I stayed sober, I live with some memories of what others have told me, sometimes, yelled at me, "You don't drink, NO Matter What" and "If your ass falls off, you don't drink"
Those 10 years of chronic drinking, the blackouts, that chronic emotion pain of being such a F------- Loser. (Excuse Me for the language), have Ironically turned into my Rock in Recovery, and because I really don't believe I had much to do with getting Sober, I give the credit to my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. Well, if I ever have a thougth like that, I would have to say to myself, maybe no human would know, But, because I feel my Recovery is between me and my Maker, He Certainly Would Know.
My love to you in Recovery, and god Bless,
Toni
There is a book called "Relapse Provention" by Gorsky, that is excellent, it goes into detail about those thoughts. Take care.
Thanks all. As usual, the replies are most helpful.
Cunning, baffling, powerful. I've heard it said, the disease is always in the parking lot of the AA building doing push ups.
Just to clarify, my thought was NOT even a craving, it was just that - a THOUGHT. And as for my friend, well, if I'd have told him the "thought" occured, he would have graciously poured it out, apologized and put the glass away.
ES&H from the best of the best.
Love and hugs,
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 15:48, 2005-12-28
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
We are all the same, I believe that, my disease took me to the basement where i hung out for a long time.
So for me I do not have any thoughts about, maybe I could have one, no one would know, maybe there are different catagories for us though.
I do not trust my own thinking, there was a saying in my home town area, "My mind is like a really bad neighborhood, you shouldn't go there alone." I could always identify with that one.
And I call it my "sleeping Guarilla" it woundn't take too much to wake him up.
I thank God everyday for my Sober life, and on the days I forget to thank him, Guaranteed not to a have real good day.
