I have no patience, I never have. For as long as I can remember my philosophy has been if something wasn't worth making happen right now then it wasn't worth waiting for. I find this character trait frustrating when it comes to my recovery. I want to be fixed now, not after years of torturous step work and introspection. And I don't want to wait or have to do painstaking work to enjoy the benefits and promises! Gimmie gimmie gimmie!
I honestly believe that this selfish, self centred, impatient mentality is one of my biggest obstacles to being a healthier person. But I don't know how to overcome it. How does someone change the involuntary way his brain works? If you have the answers I'd like to hear them. Right goddamn now :)
Just like you don't take a drink. You don't act upon it. Instead you pause, don't make that decision right that second based on feelings and pray on it for dicernment. It takes time.
LOL ... ... ... ... If my sponsor heard me say that, I know exactly what he would say ... ... ... "Do you realize just how 'childish' you sound right now?" ... ... ... Patience? ... yep, that's something that most people grow into as time passes ...
Me? ... I don't think I knew much of patience until I was 55 and sober ... alcohol kept me from developing emotionally so much so that I continued to be the impatient child for a long time ... and I must say that coming to AA and learning to stay sober was an extreme test of 'patience' ... BUT, one of the things that helped me a lot was repeating the 'Serenity Prayer' over and over daily ... that, did more to help me with patience than any one other thing ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
An alcoholic that has instant gratification issues? Nah.
OK the good news is that it is 'fixable' - at least in my experience. It seems to be part of the daily reprieve deal though. If my spirit is in a good place then I don't want what I do not have. I'm happy and content with my lot in life. I enjoy the journey for what it is not what I want it to be. When my spirit is not in good health I get restless, irritable and discontent. Then I want things to change. I want what I want, and I want it now.
Seems to be the case with everything in this program. Get your spirit right for that day and not much is going to bother you at all. Have it running a bit rough and suddenly every thing else runs rough with it, and all the isms we have come out to play. So what it is you are really chasing is peace of mind, and you get that by accepting things for what they are and just letting go of your choke hold over it all. Easy to think about but murder to do sometimes, but it's the only prize really worth chasing in this life.
Oh boy.. I definetly feel ya on that McHappy. I remember being not yet 30 days sober and very disheartened and frustrated that I didn't feel or think the way that I thought I should. I had read the BB, listened intently at meetings, read the Promises over and over! Why wasn't I better? Cured? Patience is something I've had to teach myself (still learning). I'm now halfway through the steps, and I think I should be beyond where I'm at. It's certainly not easy. It really is one day at a time. Prayer, learning to ACCEPT things as they are.. These did not happen overnight but they ARE happening in my life. Hang in there would be my 'advice'. I've learned to be patient with life circumstances ( though not ideal) and myself.. But that took time. I had a strong faith and hope for myself and the Promises of AA, and I try to not lose sight of that, even though my immature side demands "MORE NOW!!". You sound as though you have a healthy sense of introspection, that's encouraging.
McHappy - Anything worth having is worth putting effort into. The good news is that you will have elements of the promises coming true throughout your time in recovery (even in the first year before working all the steps). There will be those "pink cloud" days. I remember you writing about a trip to the lake or something you took one time (a post you made years ago) where you had these great spiritual moments. You will still have those. Early sobriety it trying and difficult, but not every minute of it sucks. Mostly, it's a good process even though it involves being vulnerable and unsure where you are headed to.
My grandsponsor was a table pounding little italian dude that did not pull punches. He often said to me "Why do you want what I have right now before you have done what I have done!?" My response...after ducking behind the chair...."Um I dunno. I just do." Then I would get busy working on myself again.
Take a serious look at what is good in your life. You do have much to be grateful for RIGHT NOW. When you look at it that way, the scale tips to sobriety and doing the work needed to keep it. The days keep stacking up.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I have no patience, I honestly believe that this selfish, self centred, impatient mentality is one of my biggest obstacles to being a healthier person. But I don't know how to overcome it. How does someone change the involuntary way his brain works? If you have the answers I'd like to hear them. Right goddamn now :)
The short answer is: God makes this possible. We are are powerless, we where insane and needed a power to restore us to sanity. Can we make a decision on the 3d step?
If not, and we don't believe in a power greater than oursleves. What power do we have? Are we still playing God? Has that worked in the past 7 years? If we are expecting us to change us, even though it has never worked before after years of trying? Would we consider that to be insanity? If so, repeat step 2 and then step 3 continue with the rest of the steps.
Start working the steps and your brain will change very quickly.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
McHappy, you've been a member of this board for 7 years, what's the hurry?
Ouch...lol. I found setting a routine up for myself early on was helpful....What meetings I was going to attend...Getting involved with a homegroup...Hanging around with people that were working thie program...And setting aside an hour a day...Sometimes two...For stepwork.....It doesn't have to take years.....But getting it now...Is pushing it. It works...If YOU work it.
McHappy, you've been a member of this board for 7 years, what's the hurry?
Ouch...lol. I found setting a routine up for myself early on was helpful....What meetings I was going to attend...Getting involved with a homegroup...Hanging around with people that were working thie program...And setting aside an hour a day...Sometimes two...For stepwork.....It doesn't have to take years.....But getting it now...Is pushing it. It works...If YOU work it.
I agree with Stepchild, ... one of the biggest things that helped me early on was ...To plan my day around a meeting, every day ... then as the months turned to years, I backed off some of the meetings and increased my time at home getting involved with family ... (but my 1st year or so was all about me staying sober, no matter what ...)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Apologies Mchappy, we all want 10 years sobriety in the first year, but in reality we don't want to be 10 years older. I'd settle for 5 years Right Now lol, It'd be great to be 34 again. What we really want is real happiness, joy, contentment, peace, tranquility, love... and we can find that at whatever place we are at in our recovery if we accept ourselves and our place in life today and look for as much gratitude for what we have (and don't have) Now. Like you, I was getting sober with a young child, and when I was able to "get out of myself" I had a ball living vicariously through my 2 year old son's fascination with the world. I missed my childhood, to a great extent and I was granted a second chance when he came around. We were best friends and got into as much shananagans as possible.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 22nd of January 2013 07:42:50 AM
That first year is a job...For me that job was saving my life.
Yep. I was told to treat the first year as if I was recovering from a serious accident. Look after myself and don't take on anything other than recovery. Good advice IMO.
