Not much luck finding a sponsor... definitely need one

Col · MIP Old Timer

Not much luck finding a sponsor... definitely need one

s_lukin · Veteran Member

Well I made a fine mess this weekend. And by "fine mess" I mean I relapsed & nothing happened other than I pissed off my family & now I feel like a loser YET AGAIN. Basically I just sat on my couch, watched TV, nothing else happened which I think is the worst thing that could ever happen. Anyway...

I'm having a really hard time getting a sponsor where I live. I'm looking for some suggestions from people on this board. I hear things at the meetings I go to about how when some people were newbies they found it easier to keep in touch with someone online until they felt really comfortable at their usual meetings.

I hear a lot of stories about how people at meetings get other people who just walk up to them & say "I'll be your sponsor." I WISH! So far the few people I have asked have either not called me back or we've not been able to coordinate schedules or I just plain don't feel comfortable with them. This is not me making an excuse, I have a hard enough time going up to total strangers and asking for help without reaching out to them & having them not be there. I do have a halfway decent network of people I can call, and I do call them when I need help but I just don't feel like I'm going to make any headway in my recovery without a dedicated sponsor.

Maybe I just needed to vent, but if anyone has any suggestions I sure could use one or two. Or a thousand.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

There a zillion threads on this board where people (including me) have come on here and posted what you just wrote - almost identically.

You can search for them with the search button - maybe just type in sponsor - and you'll come up with LOTS of answers.

The short of it is - having an online sponsor is not recommended. People don't typically ever get people coming up to them asking to be their sponsor. At least not around here. This is your responsibility. You will have to decide if you really want to do this thing and are willing to step outside your comfort zone a bit or not. Yes it's hard - and most of us were really apprehensive like you, but we did it, survived it and thrived because of it, and are glad we did it. You will be too. Having someone help you understand how to do the steps is crucial to your program in my opinion.

With that said - feel free to post questions/concerns you have here on this message board while you take action by going to lots of meetings so you can meet lots of people (potential sponsors). There is a lot of long term sobriety here, and many regulars who can offer valuable support for this tender time in your recovery.

Lastly - Lots of people relapse - that doesn't mean it's okay. It's time to go all in, take some suggestions and learn how to live a healthier life... however, beating yourself up over this is completely worthless to your recovery. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and make this your last fresh start. It's a great day to start your journey : ) You can do it. Millions have and you are no different - worse or better - you're just one of us, and there is recovery for you too.

Best wishes,
Tasha

s_lukin · Veteran Member

Thank you thank you thank you.... I'm definitely not looking to have only an online sponsor but I'm in desperate need of as much help as I can get. Thinking maybe I should change up my meetings a little- maybe get to some that are mostly or only women?

I definitely do beat myself up. In fact sometimes I think that's ALL I do. Thanks for your kind words about not doing that.

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Welcome,blessings of this day!

When I came around in '84 ,I did have an 84 year old offer to sponsor me.I had no idea what a sponsor was all I knew I had to stop and stay stopped or I would die.It is also a guideline of our program to help sponsor newcomomers and there are many unwritten situations included in sponsorship. I do believe that those who get the most out of the program value sponsorship...I would suggest continuing to announce who you are and state you are looking for a sponsor,maybe trying different meetings. At minimum check out our pamphlet P-15 - Questions and Answers on Sponsorship S / AT www.aa.org for more information and guidelines. And Just For Today you dont have to use alcohol,don't beat yourself up,pick yourself up,dust yourself off and move forward in a processs of recovery. smile

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP s lukin, ... ... ...

I think Tasha covered it pretty well ... I will say that an 'on-line' sponsor should be the last resort ... a 'better than nothin' situation ... but a 'face-to-face' sponsor from your home group is the best scenario ... they tend to call you out when you're not quite truthful with them ... and facial expressions can be worth a thousand words, or excuses ... I know most of us are here to help the best way we can, but having a local person you can call and go meet to have coffee with is invaluable ... was to me anyway ...

Sounds like you're on day one or day two of not having a drink ... right now? ... just don't drink and go to meetings, and then more meetings ...

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

You live in a major metro area and can't find a sponsor? Just go to big meeting, raise your hand and ask for one.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Welcome S. Lukin! Glad to have you here with us! A Sponsor was and is a vital part of my recovery. I hope you hook up with one soon. I'm a firm believer when the Student is ready, the Teacher will appear. The area you're from is traditional very strong in Sponsorship and has lots of large meetings. If you're ready, go to one of those large meetings and announce you're new and need a Sponsor. The rest will become part of your story. smile

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

There is another active member here from Boston. She probably knows what meetings you could hit to find a good sponsor.

Gleek22 · Veteran Member

When I was looking for a sponser I picked one out I didn't like and called her my temporary sponser. Then I got to know some of the ladies and talked activly with another woman that is now my sponser. An old timer told me though if you want to be sponsered you have to make yourself availible and give up your stubborness. Hope I helped.

ChristineG · Senior Member

I went to a different meeting tonight because one of the guys I usually see at meetings said there were a few women there who are willing to sponsor and have a decent amount of sobriety. A woman sat next to me and as we were chatting before the meeting I said I needed to find a sponsor. She volunteered and we traded numbers. I don't know yet how it will work out but I am relieved to have one even if temporary.

Keep trying! And good luck!

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Great job Christine ... ... ... you're 'willingness' to work the program is truly an inspiration to us all ...

ChristineG · Senior Member

Thanks Pappy. I'm willing but still somewhat lost! LOL! A sponsor should help.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Christine, nice! A Sponsor is a guide and mentor. It's like going on a trip to unchartered territory. Much more likely to have a success with a guide. A guide to show you the way, because they've been there before. wink

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Good job Christine! Let this sponsor know that you want to get going on the steps, and ask her how often that you should call her (and when of course). I'd try and make a plan with her to get through to step 5 asap. Getting there greatly increases your chances of long term sobriety.

Sober McHappy · Veteran Member

I found my sponser by volunteering to share, telling a little about how I was struggling and asking for help. For some strange reason asking from the podium was less difficult for me than walking up to someone and asking for help one on one. But anyway you slice it you have to seek out help.