I'm not so sure the fourth step is meant to be attempted alone. In my own case it was a practical impossibility as I completely lacked the necessary knowledge and understanding of what the fourth step is about. Fortunately I had a sponsor who spent a full day with me working through this and explaining things as we went. I have since discovered that back in the days when the Book was written, the sponsor not only helped with the 4th step but often did all the writing.
I also believe this was meant to be a simple process, though as you look around the fellowship there are many and varied approaches some of which look so daunting that few people ever get around to attempting it. For me to write something like the 50 page epic novel 4th steps of which I sometimes hear was so far beyond my ability as to be just plain ridiculous.
The 4th step is not a life story. It is an inventory (list) through which we can begin to discover what it is about us that causes our failure. We get down to "causes and conditions" and " put our fingers on some of our grosser handicaps"
The items you mention, resentments, fears, harms etc are the heading of that particular inventory. The columns go under the heading like so:
Starting with a page headed "resentments" we list the names of people and institutions with whom we are angry(1st col). Beside each name we look at why we are angry(second col), how we are affected (3rd col), why we feel that way(4th col) and what we should have done instead (5th col) The 5th column is useful in forming an understanding of what kind of amends might be required. It is not necessary to analyse every single resentment. After we have looked at a few, a pattern will emerge and we begin to understand what has been happening.
I feel a 4th step ought always be written in general terms with nothing incriminating or that would hurt the feelings of anyone who might inadvertently read it. It is a document that will be reuired for later steps, so it shouldn't be destroyed. It is not after all, a written 5th step. The 5th step is in a different chapter altogether.
Once we have our list, it forms the basis or is a prompter, for a long talk with our chosen confidante for the fifth step. In that talk we will get all the skeletons out of the closet, admit the exact nature of our wrongs and how our defects of character have lead us down this path.
Later (1 hour later as suggested in the Book) will will refer to this list for steps 6 and 7 asking God to remove our shortcomings (not much good asking Him to do this if we don't know what they are) and our list will also contain the names of those we need to make amends to, steps 8 and 9.
Beginning the fourth step is the solid proof that the third step has been taken. So much of our journey is on faith that what we have seen happen for others will happen for us if we do what they did. At step one we identified and accepted the problem. At step two we looked at the recovered alcoholics and considered what they told us about a higher power solving their problem. We could see that it had worked for them and became willing to believe that the same power could work for us too. Then we made a decision to pursue this solution (step 3), the first step of which is moral inventory. Willingness and honesty are the main requirements. Knowledge and understanding are not prequisites, they come after after we take the action.
That's my experience but if there is something I have written which you can't reconcile with the big book, just disregard it.
God bless, MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 7th of January 2013 03:15:33 PM
Getting ready to start this and I would reaally appreciate some advice?
My sponsor gave me four colomns - resentments - fears - harm to others - sexual conduct.
She alsoc told me to read chapter 5 in the big book, which i did, but I didnt get much out of it.
Mind you I don't have an awful horror story like those I've heard so i'm really just at a loss of what i'm supposed to write! Haha
Can't i just tell her my whole life story and write it together? Lol
I think that i think too much and i'm worried that i'll write too much (afterall it is a MORAL inventory), or worried that i'll just write the completely wrong things!
Yes there are many guidelines and suggestions on how to write our inventories or follow instructions of our sponsors but a couple things helped me before my first inventory.First ,WE know what searching means but what about FEARLESS? Going ahead despite our fear,having the courage to take action and be honest no matter how we feel about it,thats what it meant for me......Fearless is also about trusting our Higher Power to give us the quality ,honesty we need to walk thru this process. It is also important to stay here(at this Step) and not project to the 5TH where we will be sharing this inventory.It could be a drawback on our complete honesty if we think ahead of how the heck could I ever expose this mess.....WE also realize that any inventory means a change and if our inventory reveals any destructive patterns(hello!!) continuing those patterns will only produce even more pain(gotta continue working).It is okay to give ourselves permission to be afraid but it is part of being Fearless that helps us move forward. One more thing,for me, a Moral inventory was something I could use to discover my own individual morality,(my) our own values and principles,not those of others.Our guided journey thru the Steps with God and our sponsor lets us find these morals and values. Moral doesnt necessarily have anything to do with specific codes of behaviors,society's norms or any judgement by authority figures. For me, Moral sometimes conjured up visions of overly rigid behaviors that we were forced on me early in life to adhere to, I also entertained thoughts that people I ( we) consider Moral,, are better than. Personally I started rebelling early in Parochial school trying to adhere to others set of morals and guidelines and building early resentments(my stuff) Anyway YOU are at a wonderful place in your journey,just where you are supposed to be...Yup be searching,be Fearless ,WE identify the exact nature of our wrongs but also noting what we have done right or have had a positive impact on ourselves or others,this helps us to see a balance and to pursue the character traits and behaviors we would like more of in our lives.In prayer and support....
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
