Most of the meetings I have been to have been 11th step or meditation meetings. A topic is chosen, there is time to meditate, read, pray, and then everyone shares their thoughts. I am having a VERY hard time with this. I feel like I am taking a test I have not studied for.
I don't know if it is that I am out of practice when it comes to being left alone with my thoughts or fear of saying something "dumb" or what. The topics thus far have always seemed very vague to me also. Like I question I don't understand. Maybe because I haven't done the steps yet?
Any tips or insight would be appreciated. Thank you!
In early AA meditation meetings were an important part of AA activity. They also held beginners meetings and speaker meetings but not open discussion meetings. They came much later. The beginners meetings took you through the steps, the speaker meetings were where invited speakers who had taken the steps shared their experience, and meditation meetings are about living the program. The combination was very successful but taking just meditation in isolation would have its problems. It would be like starting the calculus section of a maths text book without first having learned to add and subtract in the first part of the book.
The AA program is about connecting you with a power greater than yourself that will solve your problems, and this happens as THE result of the steps. While step 11 can be practiced in a most basic way as we work through the steps, trying to do it while having taken none of the steps would be something like talking into a telephone hand piece before it is connected to the exchange. Find a sponsor who will take you through the steps, and it will all make sense.
Yes, I'm not even looking at steps beyond 1-3 at the moment! I haven't heard of a meditation meeting in my area. I have been going to discussion meetings and Big Book Study meetings.
I agree with Mike ... if you continue to go to that particular meeting, just sit and observe and listen ... no harm in that ... There's still lots to learn just by being there ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There is another thought here and that could be based on your early understanding of a Higher Power, if any at all. And yes Step 11 without its groundwork(our foundation 1/2 and explicitly step 3 but other steps could leave us in a void.For me, seeking to "improve" our conscious contact and praying only for "knowledge of Gods will for us" has long been part of my personal faith beliefs as well as totally reenforced thru the Step program. God's will will become evident as we go thru the Steps with a good basic application of our 3rd step early in our recovery..Early we may not know what God's will is for us but WE can be sure it includes remaining free from active addiction thru application of the spiritual principles applied in our lives.We dont formally focus on seeking Gods will until the 11th but we make an early "decision" in Step 3. I know early for me I thought it was some Cosmic Union I had to have with God ,but with time and daily work I came to realize I just have a conscious awareness of a link to my Higher Power.I began to notice the awareness and the prescence of that Power and how it worked and helped me in my life. I certainly knew early on what "wasn't God's will" for my life(continued using,dishonesty,closemindedness,self centeredness,and on and on)WE carry that will for us through just the opposite practice of ,humility,compassion,integrity.perserverance and patience(still struggle here for me) etc..I can only suggest you continue to listen to learn,seek your Higher Powers guidance(working thru the Steps and application of in all areas of you life)and the rote saying is More will be revealed!! That I truly believe.Thanks for sharing and the help today.......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
There are 3 11th step meetings a week here and it just turns out I have been to all three. I do get something from listening and it isn't as though I am forced to share.
Finally got my books yesterday. I am sure reading will help get started an the work also.
ChristineG, one 11th step meeting per week is a splendid idea, as long as you're attending beginners, step study, big book study, women's meetings... Learning to meditate is like building new muscle or acquiring any other new skill. It takes regular practice. Set a little time aside right after you wake up and try blocking out all of your thoughts for a couple minutes (I'm sure you've heard this) just focus on breathing. I limit my thinking to breathing in the positive and exhaling the negative. Then I pray to my HP to help me to stay sober and have a peaceful day. Don't give up, just get into it. It's well worth the effort.
