I've been on this website countless times trying to sober myself up. I read through some of my past post, I keep having the same old story.
I've lost realitionships because of my drinking, the love of my life. Which caused my life to take a more dramatic spiral (I thought the TV show californation was a documentry on my life when I first started watching it.)
I lost my licence because of drinking, and smashed my car which i'm still paying off.
I've missed work, work up in random girls houses, and have had random girls wake up in mine far to often. Just this past sunday, I asked "who are you?"
And last night I woke up on the bathroom floor of one of my girlfriends house, I don't have any idea how I got there, with no phone. I went to club no idea what happened but I spent 80$. I don't even remember going.
As much as drinking and partying has always been a part of my life, I am powerless towards alcohol. I crave it and I think about it all the time. And the past few times I've drank I've blacked out. Its like I'm always blacking out now, its scary. I'm going to wake up dead or in jail.
People keep telling me you need to quit , I quit i'm done, not even a drop. 2013 I will be sober!
I looked up famous teetotaller not everyone drink, and its normal.
Yeah I planned on having a sober new years it didn't happen. It started off with such a familiar story. I wont have more then 4 , then the shots come out .. then its light out for me, and I turn into some sort manic, I'm tried of seeing this side of me. I had to ask my friends if any one saw me last night because I have no idea what happened. My one friend joked about him seeing me making out with a ugly girl. I belived him, then he told me hes joking, he wasn't even there, I had no idea.
I gotta keep my mind focused on something else, we just live in a world that focus' too heavily on drinking. I'm going to make teetotal my thing, it sounds cool.
Your story is a big remember when for me at the end of my drinking. After 2 years of bouncing around meetings, in DESPERATION I got on my knees and prayed for help. It came with a great pressure being lifted and a wonderful more relaxed feeling. Then the work began with becoming active, USING a sponsor, and attending a meeting a day. It works if we work it! At the very beginning it was suggested to NOT think of drinking, think of something else, just about anything. It's worked for 30+ years so far and I still get to 5-7 meetings a week, some are sicker than others! BE WELL
-- Edited by visch1 on Wednesday 2nd of January 2013 06:39:23 AM
MandM, a lot of what you wrote is familiar. I used to go back and forth between wanting to ask someone what I did last night and not wanting to know. I used to think that when I blacked out it meant I'd passed out or gone to bed. I still remember the time (when I was 20 or so) that I realized when I blacked out I just carried on as normal, only I wasn't there for it! Horrifying.
Yeah the blacking out is very scary. People telling me that they saw me and I don't remember. My tolerance has changed drastically and I keep thinking I can drink the same amount I used too, but I really can't. Since I have no control when I drink I have to just stop.
Yep. I always found it was unpredictable. Some nights I would be 'fine', some nights I would be psychotic. I had no control over which way it turned out.
Sounds like you are powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable. You have to decide this for yourself, it is the first step to recovery in the AA program.
Most of the people in this forum, got sober via AA meetings, and working the 12 steps. This forum is just one tool, alone it won't get/keep you sober.
If you are not powerless, you will have not problem stopping when you want and will quit the crazy actions. Hope you can get ot some meetings in your area.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
WE have a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, Drop in..It is not a program to get you Sober, it is a program to help you live your life sucessfully and find happiness,even joy, once you get Sober.C'mon in,take a listen to learn,here the suggestions and start the work.The unmageability(externally) is showing and im sure the other part the internal is also wreaking havoc.You've made a statement,time to get to work? We are here for each other.The healing begins by putting down the poison(for us)and from there More is continually revealed.Keep comong back let us know how its going......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
As much as drinking and partying has always been a part of my life, I am powerless towards alcohol. I crave it and I think about it all the time. And the past few times I've drank I've blacked out. Its like I'm always blacking out now, its scary. I'm going to wake up dead or in jail.
People keep telling me you need to quit , I quit i'm done, not even a drop. 2013 I will be sober!
Sorry Johnny, you did mention you where powerless in the post, in this case you need to find a power greater than yourself that can help you with your problem....that is exactly what our book and the AA program is about....http://anonpress.org/bb/
I listened to the youtube video, I basically agree with the essence of what he is saying about taking responsibility for our actions and recovery. We don't blame others. People truly working a 12 step program don't complain about their life history etc.
Take responsibility and get to some meetings and into recovery. Hope this can help.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I forgot that video, yeah its kind of mean but its our own fault at the end of the day which sucks. Alcohol is just a liquid, thats all but for some reason its a poison for me, I started thinking about it I don't even like the taste of most of what I drink. I'm doing it to get drunk. Makes people more interesting. But I shouldn't be worried about finding people that art interesting at a club.
If you feel like the world is totally all about alcohol, that is because your alcoholism and you have shaped your world to be that way. You have selected people to hang out with that also are heavy drinkers and/or alcoholics. I know this was the case for me. I did need to fully immerse myself in AA to change this so that my perception of the world around me also changed. It seems like a scary proposition to stop drinking when all your friends drink and when everyone you know "goes to the club" every weekend. Through AA, you start living a more "normal" existence and after a while, you reintegrate into what the rest of society is actually doing which is going to movies, staying home, having dinner with friends, and rarely going out, but if they do go out to clubs, it's mostly to socialize for an hour or 2 then leave and go home. Right now, alcohol has you in it's grips and you perceive the world is full of drinkers. I suggest LOTS of AA and make your surroundings different, safer, less tempting, so that while you are developing some tools to resist the first drink, you don't feel like you are a pariah.
Not only is is normal to not drink at all for many people - It's normal for the great majority of the world to not live life surrounded by booze.
**I wanted to add that I do know alcohol is part of our culture and it's everywhere. BUT-after a good while sober, you will see the difference between what the world really is and what was due to your obsession and being slave to alcohol.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 2nd of January 2013 10:09:15 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yep, you reminded me of those horrible times too ... like RubyT, I used to call up someone to find out what I did the night before and be ready to apologize for something I could not bring to memory ... that's a really creepy feeling ...
If your 'resolve' to not drink today stays with you, then by all means get to a meeting or two ... you my not enjoy them now, but eventually you'll find them 'life-saving' ... and they will teach you a wonderful new way to live ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome John, Glad you made it back! I still remember those times well. When I turned 18 I blacked out with my mother and she wouldn't speak to me for a very long time. She never did say what I did or said, but she never took me out for a drink after that. I never had a problem stopping, it was the staying stopped that kept me whirling. My head lies to me and says things like, "this time it will be different", "just one or two won't hurt, I can control it", lies, all lies. I am an alcoholic and when I put any alcohol into this body it sets off an allergic reaction that I have no power over and I want more, more, more! Let your heart lead...laugh at your head. Good luck with the journey...it's quite a ride!
Welcome back!! I don't miss blacking out one bit!! Wondering what insanity took place and not knowing, was pretty much a living nightmare. I finally got tired of it and ended practicing my disease of alcoholism!! My disease is arrested as of today!! The days have added up to years and each day is special. I hope and pray you are able to become a miracle in progress like all of us here!! Happy New Year!! 2013 will be keen!!
Yeah I keep thinking of just the money I'll save as well and that excites me, I'll question buying a new pair of shoes but I have no problem blowing 250$ on a weekend. I am excited to not drink anymore. Day two I'm finding its not on my mind as much, but I still think about it.
They removed a stop sign down the road from me, and turned it into a round about. It took me a LOT longer than 2 days for my mind to adjust to my new surroundings.
After my son broke his arm and got his cast off, he kept thinking he had to use his left hand even when he could back to using his favored right hand. It took a few weeks just for his mind to quit sending him unnecessary signals.
The same goes for alcohol. The signals about alcohol you're getting are unnecessary, and this will be a critical time for you to get your but to lots of meetings and start figuring out how to make different, better choices for yourself. Take care of yourself, let people help you - look for the similarities - not the differences. Don't drink no matter what's on your mind.
Best wishes, Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
This has been a easier time for me to quit this time. I know its only day three. But I've tried to quit so many times, before I was a daily drinker, lately i've been a weekend drinker only, with the occassional day through out the week.
My proble is lately i've been blacking out, so I can't even risk drinking the first drink.
thats @justadrunk .. cool I actually had the thought to go grab a bottle of whiskey cuz I got the night off work.. instead I chose to catch up on walking dead season 3. And eating a ton, I figure I'd rather spend the money on food then on booze.. and its cheaper lol . but it feels like every 30 mins I want to eat something .. maybe its just have oral fixations, which i'm used to drinking .
I probably eat less now. Drinking made me hungry. I'm sure watching me eat when I was a hammered was not a pretty picture...just one more thing to look back on and cringe about.
really I have always been the opposite with drinking I found I didn't want to eat.. since three i've had 4 hotdogs with a plate of frys .. then 2 hamburgars with a plate of fry. I've had 3 bowls of cabbage soup. a bowl of cerial with a banana , and I just polished off a salad that could have fed a family of four. I did have breakfast and lunch too... I thought making the salad strong with vinger might curve it four me .. but i'm still jonesing for something maybe i'll do another soup ;p or some KD sounds good right about now . :) oh KD with hotdogs and ketchup and hot sauce! ( can you tell i'm a Bachelor:)
really I have always been the opposite with drinking I found I didn't want to eat.. since three i've had 4 hotdogs with a plate of frys .. then 2 hamburgars with a plate of fry. I've had 3 bowls of cabbage soup. a bowl of cerial with a banana , and I just polished off a salad that could have fed a family of four. I did have breakfast and lunch too... I thought making the salad strong with vinger might curve it four me .. but i'm still jonesing for something maybe i'll do another soup ;p or some KD sounds good right about now . :) oh KD with hotdogs and ketchup and hot sauce! ( can you tell i'm a Bachelor:)
I don't know if you have peeked at that other thread....be happy that combination won't be coming back up!!!:)
Hey mandm, ... glad to see you posting tonight ...
2 things ... Like you I didn't eat too much when drinking either ... I never wanted to ruin my buzz ...
#2 ... when we stop drinking, our bodies crave nutrients to the max ... many of us deprived ourselves of food and/or drank so much that food never was able to be absorbed into our systems ... now that our bodies are getting much needed food, we find it hard to stop eating ... well, that and our taste buds start coming back too, and everything tastes so much better ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
haha yeah, well at least its a normal thing :) I was worried .. everything does taste better. I realize i used to eat everything with so much hot sauce cuz my taste buds where gone :(
Well I'm happy i did it , I work as a chef. And usually I throw back a good half dozen pints on a friday and saturday night, all free of course. I was leaving and one of the girls was like your not having one.. I'm like nope just heading home.. .are you sick ? she goes.. i'm like nope just not in the mood. walking the 5 mins back to my house I thought maybe I should grab a six pack for being so good this week. Then I shock my head.. funny how our drunk brain gets!
thanks , so many night start off with 6 there then I grab six , next thing you know i'm at the Hess village which is a street of bars and clubs 5 mins from my house, next thing you only god knows where or with whom I wake up. I'm feel pretty good about myself :)
yeah .. I live in the heart of the city, its a huge party street. Lots of temptation. I want to eventually be able to go and not drink, I still need to hit on ladies :)
Hate to break it to you, but those types of ladies will likely not attract you once you have a healthier mind. Keep coming back - don't drink - go all in - keep us posted : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
lol thanks, I might not be attracted to them lol. I'm not too worried .. funny story. I was hitting on this girl recently and she goes hey your .... the artist guy .. i'm like yeah you've seen my work? she goes no you've hit on me before... lol I'm like at least i'm consistant. she goes well if you remember my name next time you can have my number. .. Next time I got the number :) and shes comming over for dinner next week lol
