I imagine that little girl, standing in the fields smelling bunches of clover and summer and smiles. The wind is blowing a gentle breeze, and it feels refreshing. At 2 years old, I feel grateful for it, but I don't know why. Some time later, I feel I will know why, and if I don't, there isn't a why. A few skips forward, and I am sure that asking "why" is a silly question to begin with.
My life was everything it was suppose to be. Today I am grateful for it, all of it. I don't have to understand why anymore, that is a big girl step forward.
Sometimes in times of anxiety, I could imagine my hair flowing straight back in the cool breeze, and soon the peace returned. As the years went on and things piled up high, the images seemed too far away and my imagination seemed to produce things gray and black. As alcohol rushed through my being and my spirit diminished in it's presence, I lost hope of ever smelling the clover fields again.
I could not answer the why's and the black was most endearing.
Finding this program has restored more than my imagination and done more than just give me hope for better days, it has given me a new life. A new love for my husband as I am able to love myself enough to give real love back to another person. My children have peaceful nights. Sometimes I am still silly but it's because I am excited to be their Mom, and a good Mom, not because I just swigged down a full glass of wine.
My neighbors stop over to chat, and my friends call to talk. Sometimes they even ask me for my opinion on this or that, or suggestions on how to handle conflict they are experiencing. Those are things I've never had happen before. My family and husband feel inclined to do the same here and there. Sometimes they even thank me. Sometimes my presence inspires others, and they let me know it. Sometimes I am inspired by them, and I am able to say it now. I am able to show affection and give hugs to people I love, something I hadn't done for years. Not even my own family, not even my husband - only my kids and they are so much more now.
My jobs are easier, my life is easier. My mind doesn't have to dwell on how others aren't "doing it right" you know... life.
My heart is full, my peace has returned, and I can remember again - my hair straight back in the wind when I was 2, and know everything is going to be alright... and that's why.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Wish I could express myself so clearly as you do ... 'One big girl step forward' ... wow, I love it ... and the 'feelings' we get today ARE almost overwhelming aren't they ... the feelings of 'satisfaction and peace' I mean ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tasha, I too love the way you express yourself! I have been feeling not so able to lately...probably just the season. This too shall pass. Sounds so lovely the way you put it! Thank you for your shares!
This is an amazing message. This has been the first Christmas that I have been sober in 30 yrs., and I owe it to this program. I feel like my life has been given back to me and I have a second chance. I feel as if I have been part of a miracle!! I have had more great times with my three children in the past 4 months, how could I have been such a fool!!! There are so many positive things happening in my life now and it would be impossible without my higher power. I could not have done this by myself. Enough about me, this is a well written thread and you should be very proud of yourself for your accomplisments, I am proud of you, and can relate to much of what you have said. God Bless!!
Great message of the promises starting to come true in our lives. The wind would have to be blowing pretty strong for my hair to go straight back, but I can relate to the other things :)
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
