Alcohol will anestethize the feelings for me and yet it is in knowing and facing them all with out the anesthesia makes it more real.  Don't have the next one because all the ones that preceeded it didn't work.  Keep coming back and thanks for the honesty.  

I think all of us, at one time or another, have been smitten with a desire to drink like we did back when. At times we feel compelled to drink simply because it is what we used to do; it was like our second nature. Sobriety, magnificent as it may be, may seem foreign to us, but for the alcoholic it's the land of endless possibilities. It's a place where meeting makers make it.

Sometimes, it's like that old saying: "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't". The misery of a bender was all I knew, and awful as that may be, I could handle that no problem. It was something I was well versed in. The only obstacle I had a hard time facing was the "Living life on Life's terms" concept. How on earth could I ever get through this world without the comfortable reassurance of another drink?

It was reassuring to know, I wasn't alone. Other people felt the same way when they became challenged for the first time; that's why A.A. was formed. There's strength in numbers, and with my A.A. connections I'm never alone in this battle. They are my eyes, ears and voice of reason when I need them the most. So when the maladjusted, angry, and alienated persona of my previous life starts to surface again, I remember what my first sponsor would have said: "The struggle to resist may be strong but the power of unity is much stronger". It's how we return to the familiar grounds of A.A. It's been my greatest comfort zone to date. Onward.