I have a less than excellent experience in sponsorship - but I will say what I've learned: Sponsorship is not marriage, however, if you take half as seriously as most people take their marriages - you'll do just fine : )
Respect, Honesty, Willingness to keep trying through the good, the bad, in sickness and in health etc... just remember, it doesn't mean you're in it all the rest of your days with one person. Your HP will guide you ultimately : )
-- Edited by justadrunk on Sunday 16th of December 2012 04:03:39 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
As soon as I realised how important it was to have a sponsor, and after I had enquired as to what a sponsor is and how to get one, I asked a man who seemed to have what I wanted and seemed to have a gift in saying things in a way that I could understand. I guess that took about a month.
Fyne Spirit said it well ... I too, took a few weeks to see who had what I wanted in sobriety, then also someone who showed up to most all the meetings, someone who was committed to the program, someone who spoke with authority, someone who was known for not taking any BS ... I needed the guidance ... and Tasha is also correct, sponsorship is not a marriage, it's merely a friendship that can become 'long-term' or perhaps just a short 'trial' relationship ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I had a sponsor by day 6 of my sobriety. It was so crucial to my journey I cannot even express it. I would not have made it without sponsorship. I asked one person and they said no because they had too many sponsees already or something and I then I went around saying "I need a sponsor" to a bunch of folks until someone said "Ok, call me...Lets work together." That was it. I called him every day from that point on and worked the steps.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I had a woman offer to be a temp sponsor on my third day in the program. That became my first day of sobriety. She really helped me by being accountable to her on a daily basis. After a couple of weeks some other women took interest in my sobriety and reached out. After exploring my options of several women I decided to ask one to be my sponsor. I had called all of them and made my decision based on those phone calls (if they even answered or called back), how they seem to work their program, their shares, length of sibriety, how they interact with others, and even their work schedule. I am certain that the sponsor I chose is the right person for me at this point in my sobriety. I am very grateful for her. I'm excited to be working on my first step with her. She is kind and loving, yet structured and very clear in her expectations of the relationship. Good luck on your journey to find a sponsor. It's really worth it.
At first I procrastinated and just kept eyes and ears open...then after they suggested men on men and women on women I did the most appropriate thing as a man...I asked a woman and then after she decided I wasn't serious she cut me loose and after I wandered in the desert for a while bumping into spiney cactus I asked a guy and then another guy and they another guy...all of which took up helping me and I changed when for one reason or another the earlier sponsor left. I've had marvelous, awesome sponsorship, hand picked by my HP. I've survived all of my earlier sponsors and am one of two of the longest oldtimers in my area and so today my sponsor has great program and lest time and a sponsee older than he with more time who doesn't fail to or is afraid to ask for his ear and feedback. Thats it for me. Great thread. (((hugs)))
Finding a sponsor shouldn't be that difficult. All it requires is a little effort on our part. Take my situation for example: I've been through 3 sponsors over the span of 11+ years. The first one died unexpectedly; the second one stopped attending meetings altogether, and my current sponsor has been a God sent for over 6 years now. I met him at a step meeting, surprisingly. His approach to working the steps made a lot of sense, so I asked him to sponsor me.
How would I go about finding a sponsor? I usually find people who have what I want, like my first sponsor. He had a lot of health issues, but he remained at peace throughout his ordeal. I guess that tranquil spirit was convincing enough; that's why I asked him to sponsor me.
My second sponsor was a fill-in for my first. I knew him even before we attended A.A. Our time together was less than fulfilling -even though he did steer me in the right direction, I must say. We remain friends till this day.
My current sponsor led me in a totally different direction. It was through his teaching that I re-connected with the God of my understanding. He's been a tireless advocate for over 6 years now, and I hope that friendship continues. Onward.
I was first "picked up" by a mid 80 year old man who offered to take me to meetings and show me the early ropes(1984).We didnt work steps or have a relationship other than him bringing me to meetings,yelling at my beligerance and role modeling his life in sobriety ,an old school alcoholic who brought the message into the prisons in New York.I wasnt very receptive and he died few years later and I mistakenly thought self-sponsoring would work..WAY ,WAY WRONG,I was the sickest non drinking alcoholic and substance abuser I knew.I came back to meetings and 'LISTENED ' for a sponsor after being free from active using but riddled with the illness.I wanted a sponsor that was spiritual in their actions,was married,had children and had many of the same things I wanted.(not necessary for all,but what I needed at that period)After application of Steps,traditions and even Concepts from Area work) my life really began to change THE SOLUTION...I believe it is important to get a sponsor as soon as possible but being ready to do the work is very important in a successful relationship.(one where the other just helps you thru the Steps)I may not be responsible for my illness but I am responsible for my recovery..In order to be completely honest and getting into the 'EXACT NATURE" of whats going on with you it is important to be able to share that with someone you trust. More is always revealed......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thanks for the input, all. I'm currently keeping my eyes and ears out at the meetings I'm going to and I do have one person in mind to approach. She has great shares and an awesome sense of humour, which seems important!
I got my first sponser a week after I began hitting aa meetings. That was one of my biggest mistakes, I chose someone with years on her and didn't watch her in and outside of the rooms. Lets just say that didn't last long. I began looking around the rooms checking everyone out and chose a lady who I could relate to and has some pretty darn good sobriety :) Look for someone who is good in and outside of the meetings and if you believe they have some good sobriety and says and does the same things then go up and ask. If they say no then don't be discouraged try again.
Thanks for the input, all. I'm currently keeping my eyes and ears out at the meetings I'm going to and I do have one person in mind to approach. She has great shares and an awesome sense of humour, which seems important!
I think I got a sponsor after going to meetings a few weeks. I would suggest considering someone you feel you can communicate with and takes a interest in you. Maybe the lady above is a great choice, but different people have different strengths in AA.
Just saying, some people may give great shares, but you may not connect with one-on-one. i'm sure the right person will come along.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I just wanted to say thank you for your excellent advice. Last night I went to a meeting I hadn't been to before and a woman came up to talk to me afterwards. She gave me her number and said she'd love to chat with me more. She seemed really great, so I'm going to give her a call and meet up and see how that goes. I'm also meeting up for coffee with a woman I met at a meeting last week. Reaching out feels very foreign to me, but I'm hoping it will be a good thing!
Reaching out is absolutely foreign to me, too, Ruby. I've learned that it must be done. In terms of getting a sponser, I'm so glad you're finding good prospects. My own sponsers reaching out to me saved me from leaving the fellowship, I believe. She's been really a blessing. I was totally lost before I began working with her... Come to think of it I'm still a bit lost haha.. But I always have her to turn to, to tell me it's ok to feel that way. Working the steps with someone is very difficult at times, but I've seen a drastic change in myself for the better since I began. I truly hope one of these ladies will be a great fit for you:)
