Drinking as much as we did and for as long as we did leaves us with a lot of social issues and codependency issues usually. When I tried to make friends and have relationships after just getting sober, people would ask "So, tell me about yourself..." and "What do you like to do." I never had to answer those questions before. We would already be partying and those were dumb questions when I was a drunk. What did I like? Drinking....duh. Or the answer was "I like whatever you like." I had to go live life and try new things for quite some time before I got a sense of my sober identity.
It's like going through an awkward adolescence again and you have to figure out what you like and how to socialize all over again. On the other hand, it's sort of exciting and it feels like a huge miracle and gift (and it actually is) when this happens for you so keep at it and I promise it will happen.
You will get to know what makes you tick. You will feel comfortable in your own skin. Those things have happened for me. A lot happened for me. Your identity will shift in various life areas once you rid yourself of self-centered fears. Here's what's in store:
THE A.A. PROMISES If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 15th of December 2012 04:16:25 PM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
We were talking about fear in a meeting yesterday, and I started thinking about identity.
The first time I ever got drunk when I was fourteen I couldn't believe how much I loved it. All of a sudden I wasn't nervous or quiet, I felt like I was the person I really was, the person I was supposed to be. I gradually built my reputation around drinking and being a party girl. In my 30s I feel like I drank in order to be who I thought I should be. A little more gregarious, a little louder, a little wilder (except of course for the times I tipped over to the other side and was lights on no one home. In other words, I liked myself more until I downright hated myself).
This program helps us to discover just that, Ruby. We're on a fact finding mission, but it takes time. My sponsor had me look up the words value and ideals and to distinguish between the two. Then you can move forward and decide where your ideals are and set your values. The 12 steps gave me a set of values and principles to live by. There is a principle behind each step. Then I started using the word "am"...I am a member of AA...I am in acceptance of my disease...I am a good person...I am grateful. Repetition strengthens and confirms and faith follows naturally. You are my friend! Hope that helps some!
Instead of the word "am" I like to think in terms of what I "have" and "get to". It makes me grateful for it.
- I "have" good qualities. I also have bad ones so "get to" be exceptionally grateful for the good. - I "get to" be a part of AA. - I "get to" be in a recovery program because I "have" a disease. - I "get to" know gratitude. It's all because I "have" a HP who has graced me and I "get to" learn & grow another day.
Not trying tear you apart Robin - but just offering how I think of it and I respect how you do it too very much.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I was like exactly like you Ruby, I thought alcohcol was a God-send when I started in my early teens, then went to a big party college.
I liked what Robin said, we have to give time, time. I just filled in the extra time with meetings and recovery at first. We slowly get develop a new identity and get used to our sober selves. Most people will like us better sober and drinking had long turned into more of a "anti social" thing rather than a "social thing".
We will develp new interests and realize that drinking isn't a life, it was the very thing that kept us from having a real life.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
We can establish just about anything in recovery, including a new sober identity for ourselves. That's just one of the perks about being in recovery you know: It allows us to do what's 'possible' today now that our lives have become manageable again. How high we're willing to take that, though, is for us to decide.
I decided to set a new standard for myself after about 5 years clean. Creating something extraordinary, though, requires more than a set of lofty ideas: It requires passion among other things. And that's why I enjoy writing so much: It's something I'm passionate about. It allows me to 'create' something out of nothing, kind of like our new sober identity. All we really need is a desire and a dream, the rest we can work on along the way. I hope you can find your passion too.
