Twas the Friday Before Christmas

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Twas the Friday Before Christmas

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Holiday Triggers

One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five years later, whenever I smell hand lotion, I immediately feel all the feelings I did that Christmas: the fear, the disappointment, the heartache, the helplessness, and an instinctive desire to control.
--Anonymous

There are many positive triggers that remind us of Christmas: snow, decorations, "Silent Night," "Jingle Bells," wrapped packages, a nativity scene, stockings hung on a fireplace. These "triggers" can evoke in us the warm, nostalgic feelings of the Christmas celebration.

There are other kinds of triggers, though, that may be less apparent and evoke different feelings and memories.

Our mind is like a powerful computer. It links sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste with feelings, thoughts, and memories. It links our senses - and we remember.

Sometimes the smallest, most innocuous incident can trigger memories. Not all our memories are pleasant, especially if we grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional setting.

We may not understand why we suddenly feel afraid, depressed, and anxious. We may not understand what has triggered our codependent coping behaviors - the low self worth, the need to control, the need to neglect ourselves. When that happens, we need to understand that some innocuous event may be triggering memories recorded deep within us.

If something, even something we don't understand, triggers painful memories, we can pull ourselves back into the present by self care: acknowledging our feelings, detaching, working the Steps, and affirming ourselves. We can take action to feel good. We can help ourselves feel better each Christmas. No matter what the past held, we can put it in perspective, and create a more pleasant holiday today.

Today, I will gently work through my memories of this holiday season. I will accept my feelings, even if I consider them different than what others are feeling this holiday. God, help me let go, heal from, and release the painful memories surrounding the holidays. Help me finish my business from the past, so I can create the holiday of my choice

Toni Baloney · MIP Old Timer

Good Morning Phil,

Do I remember those days, I remember wreaking the Holidays for everyone.

After having made a promise to myself, that I would control my drinking and enjoy the Holiday, so everyone else could. Swearing off for the morning and then having just one to get in the Spirit, and I was off and running.

i was always a real Friendly drunk, wanted to make everyone happy, and would end up making everyone SO UNHAPPY.

I have to memember those Holidays, that usually started around Holloween, and never really ended.

Have to remember all the manipulating, dishonesty, and deceit.

Good to know that I try to stay honest with others, and mostly with myself.

I have this big turkey in my Refrig, and think I will cook it, make some mashed potatoes and stuffing and gravy, and take it all to a local Alcothon that is about one mile away, wish me luck, not spilling or dropping anything , I still can be pretty clumsy, when I move things in and out of my car. Totally sober!!!!! HAHA

When my Christmas dinner was cancelled, I immediate thought of an alternative - how can I do someone for someone else. It has kept me completely away from being dissapointed. I love to cook, so I'll just cook, and find some people that like to eat turkey.

Thanks for that Reminder of Wreakage of the Past, and that incomphehevsible demoriazation.

Hope you have a good Holiday!

Toni

wagon · Senior Member

thanks phil i remember, all to well , the insanity, yep yep yep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god bless u merry christmas wagon