Today I went to Quaker meditation service with my sponsor. It is/was basically a silent 1 hour meditation/reflection time. I have not done enough work on step 11. I pray, but I have not learned meditation or even given it its proper due. My sponsor is heavily suggesting me learning how to meditate as I complain to him that, even after 4 years sober, my mind is whirling all the time and I feel like my best method of staying sober STILL at 4 freakin years is just to stay busy all the time. While this has an upside in that I now get tons of crap done and have done better with my job and exercising, keeping a cleaner house etc...I have lost the ability to chill the heck out. I still cannot sit still and be comfortable in my own skin. Even when I went to Alaska last year with my partner, I was looking at the most beautiful scenery and still couldn't stay put...was like "ok...what's next." It took 2 years sober before I could even sit still enough to read a book again. I felt like I was crawling inside my body...so uncomfortable in my own skin. Now, my mind is much more at peace, but it is not STILL. I want to achieve a still mind and be able to get to the point at desired times. I also want to have that still mind so that I can even hear what my HP might want of me. If I am all busy running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I could miss the message totally if you get what I mean.
Sometimes I wonder if I am too wound, anxious, or neurotic to get this meditation thing. Either way, I'm going to try. Wish me luck.
I would also like to hear how you guys work step 11 on a daily basis.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Pink if you go after it like you've just done now you will find it or learn it. I had the same tools that you have...the program and all of its tools and my sponsors and all of their tools and my HP who was willing to take part because my HP also wanted that part of the relationship. It takes time. I don't believe I've every met anyone..at anytime..who got it over night. Quiet openmindedness was one of the first lessons learned, just after doing what you have done here..."asking for help". The responses to that question were numerous as the fellowship is so wide. Quietness, Openmindedness...trust and faith that I would be responded to and patience. I started to learn. My sponsor and I went nose to nose on the lessons. He asked me "What do you know of meditation?" and I told him. He asked me "Do you believe it can be done different or better?" "I asked him what do you mean?" (I believed that I needed a certain amount of time and a deep spiritual believe to fixate on for that period of time)...He responded "Could you find a simple spiritual truth that you could carry with you in meditation 24/7 no matter what else was going on around you?" I responded "that is not how I was taught. Can I think about it?" He told me to reconnect on the subject two weeks later and we parted. For two weeks with an open mind I visited what I learned in the past, what became of it, what I was learning now in the program, and how should I change my practices if I should. I did the work and in two weeks my sponsor and I got back together and he asked "How did the investigation come out for you?"..."I doubted that it could be done like you suggested Don...and I found a spiritual truth that is so simple that I can keep it in me 24/7 no matter what else is going on around me. In fact I have been carrying it ever since I arrived at it and I am holding it now as we speak". He asked me what the spiritual truth was and I told him; "God is". Once I arrived at that truth I have never let it go and better still I have never wanted to. "God is" is the core meditation and I am perfectly aware of it and centered on it even now. When things are quiet the meditation hums and sings along. When things are loud and energized, it is louder still...a louder beautiful awareness...GOD IS....at the same time I am. I am abided with 24/7.
Someone gave me a book not long ago the title of which was "When man listens....God speaks". The criterior being listening. Practice listening Pink. You already know how to talk a bunch, and do abunch, and think abunch and be busy abunch. Be still abunch and when you reach stillness...listen abunch. It is in the listening. One of my home group members once remarked on the subject of responding rather than reacting that it was within the small period of time between what triggers us and how we respond that that was where God is. Think about that statement over and over for a couple of days. Get quiet...get still and listen so that God can talk to you. By the way that book originated before the insception of AA and within the Oxford Group. It has a connection to us who live with the life threatening disease of alcoholism.
I shut off everything and lay in my bed after dark. I learned to be okay with my quiet wandering mind and self while rocking my son to sleep as a baby. It took almost forty five minutes twice per day and was the first time i ever had to sit still nd be quiet and focused on calm. I had to do it then... learned to love it but stopped after i started drinking again and he was over a yr old and i no longer had to rock him to sleep. Now i do it again on purpose several times per week. I have used guidance... but mostly just let my mind focus on the dat and then let it go where it will. Its fun!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I can truly identify with the mind ramble and periods of not being able to sit still. Like all WE do, it takes a daily effort and practice.When we look at this Step we are aware that we already have a conscious contact with the God of our understanding and that we are "seeking to improve" that relationship first of all. We have been developing our spirituallity since early in our work..We kind of developed our own frame of reference in our previous 10 Steps..we are constantly changing and so is our spirituality..WE may have even changed our concept of our Higher Power as we arrive here? I know my early experiences, even with the same "God" I have always had has changed immensely from one of fear and guilt and discipline to a Power of love and care(my stuff)in my life. We often talk of prayer as talking with your God and meditation as listening to God(to the best of our abilities) The basic idea of a moment of silence for the still sick and suffering in and out of the rooms that we do is a basic form of meditation. For me, the first thing ,as my eyes are opened in the morning, before my feet hit the ground I meditate(pray either out loud or in my mind)a simple prayer of surrender that I have been saying since I asked that Power into my life decades ago, I wont recite the whole thing but the jist is"God, I have been living my life my own way and now I want to live it your way,I need you and I am now willing for you to come into my life. The beginning of my first conscious contact of the day, and spend some time here, next is an immediate verbal,mental and spiritual reflection on our 3rd and 11th Steps, where I also spend some time(while im stretching the kinks out of my body (and mind)From there I actually spend my day in "conversation"with my Higher Power for each thing I get into often taking a moment as different situations occur(better some days than others) .Our conscious contact is really no more than our awareness of contact with a Power greater than us. For us we realize we are looking and seeking and we acknowledge that our Higher Power is active in our lives, based on previous evidence(grace and mercy to have recovery daily just for starters) As far as being aware of what Gods will for us is, for me, I sometimes revert to knowing what Gods will is not for me.. .I truly believe that Gods will for me is to be all God intended me to be but the details are left up to me. I believe that is not Gods will for me to relapse so I follow a path and do the work that keeps me from that daily.The Power to carry out Gods will is part of our spiritual principles that we instill in all areas of our lives, humility,compassion ,honesty ,integrity ability to persevere and be patient even, and most of all ,when it seems things just aint working. For me,I have found a sense of humor and application of Rule 62 help me daily...We come to trust the qualities we need to carry out Gods will for us will be provided ,similar to trusting in our 7th Step, where WE humbly asked our shortcomings to be removed, realizing God knows better than us what really needs to go and what doesnt and we trust in that......When we admit and acknowledge we don't always know whats best for us of for anyone else as a matter of fact we are allowing the CARE OF (3RD) to guide us. Our Faith is what allows us to carry out Gods will for us.Through our practice we may realize that we now listen more intently in meetings, in life situations and in general(I have always been a horrible listener but I practice to get better)The deeper we get the more satisfaction we find in our lives. I used to spend more time thinking of what I was going to say at meetings rather than listening to what was being said..Some days when I make an attempt to quiet my mind and just pray deeply I find within seconds I m off on another planet, drifting and losing focus,it takes practice..I know that there may be a major distraction going on inside and I just relax and get back to focusing on my Higher Power,my gratitude and quieting the best I can...As with all,some days much better than others but all days trying to improve my conscious contact,praying for knowledge of Gods will and that Power to carry that out is a blessing in itself..As our heads hit the pillow(may have once been a concrete floor,or a rack hanging from the wall or in a blackout somewhere?)we look back at the day we just spent and know we have worked this particular part of our journey to the best of our abilities for this 24, certainly helps me to rest compared to times of just hours of unconsciousness that I spent in the grip.... I always remember from the movie THE SHINING where Jack wrote incessently' ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.WE need rest physical,mental and spiritual for our recoveries(not the mouse on a spinwheel scenario,I can surely identify there)..Good job sharing Mark,I LIFT YOU UP IN PRAYER as you seek that downtime you need to "chill" and BE STILL one thing WE know for sure is More is always revealed Peace man........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Maybe it's just me getting older, I don't know for sure, but since living the AA 'way of life', I've learned to sit alone for a while every morning with my coffee, usually outside, where I can listen to the birds greet God and the new day with song ... sometimes I let my mind wander to the things that need my attention for the day and at other times, I reflect on the things I am grateful for ... but the ONE thing I've learned from all this is that I can only do 'so much' ... so after this 'meditation period, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me and the strength and power to carry that out for today ...
By going through this process, I have slowed way down from the 'hustle and bustle' of my past life ... It seems I have come naturally to a point where I savor life and the things around me ... I take longer to eat, because I want to savor the food now, not just gobble it down ... I have found I do not need to 'RUSH' to go do anything ... I have recognized that there was a whole lot to life that I was completely missing by not slowing down to enjoy the journey .... I pray you may find the peace and tranquility of slowing down too ... there's just so much more to life than pushing one's self to accomplish as much as you possibly can ... some people work themselves to death without ever really slowing down enough to enjoy the ride ...
Sometimes we just have to convince ourselves that 'today' we did enough, that there's no reason to be anxious about all the other things we could have done ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I probably think I'm different in this regard but I am not: I was such a lazy alcoholic. 90 percent of my time off work was drinking or sleeping off hangovers. I have shifted into being a much more dynamic person. It's wonderful. But I don't need to be dynamic all the time. Make sense? I need to slow down when it's appropriate. I thought I needed to eradicate the ability to "do nothing." Nope. At times it is pretty nice and approriate to just "do nothing."
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"The Relaxation Response" by a Harvard Professor, tells you why you need to meditate and gives you simple guidelines how to and takes out the dogma.
Meditating taught me how to let my thoughts go by like the New York Stock Exchange and not take them down and make them my own, it changed my life.
Literally, it changed my reality, the difference between me and a newcomer is I don't believe 99.99999% of what my mind tells me now, I just watch it go by, I "have" hunger, not "I am hungry", I have anger, not "I am angry", the stories go by as they always do, I just don't buy the product they are selling, I learned how to do that by learning how to meditate.
I can't convey the vastness of the difference in my reality after learning how to meditate
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
