I have found that I'm drawn to the spirit, or what's inside of people now... and age doesn's seem to matter much. I thought it did at one time, I thought people had to have the same interests as me, the same social status, be stay at home moms or teachers like me... all these requirements... but it was only self centeredness that made me think so.
The people I become close to now, reveal their true self to me, and I to them, and then nothing else matters.
You know that saying "just be yourself" that your Mom or teacher possibly tried telling you at one time? Well... I found out that as it turns out, it's pretty loaded after all... however, easier said than done : )
It took practice in the program for me to get real with myself... and I had to work the steps, work with my sponsor, and follow her suggestions even when I didn't want to, to eventually "find myself". Only until I found myself, could I be myself.
Your sponsor is doing the best she knows how for you, so usually it's best to just try it and see if it feels right for you. She is not "in charge" of you, but taking actions you normally wouldn't, allow you to see if doing different things work for you and feel right with you and your HP. I got stuck in a rut, doing the same things, expecting different results. Never worked. I must take different actions to become different than the drunk I can be if I don't give this program an honest effort every single day.
Glad you're here - keep us posted!
Tasha
-- Edited by justadrunk on Sunday 9th of December 2012 01:25:37 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I have a problem. I just started going to meetings 2 1/2 months ago and started out from the bat talking to the older women and my sponser wants me to start talking to people my age (22). I am afraid of cliques and I know alot of people my age are like that. How do I go about making friends that are my age?
There are very few ppl my age in the meetings, so when I found someone closer to my age who also had sobriety I made the effort to exchange numbers. It's scary for me to talk to other women my age because I am actually afraid of creating friendships. I am afraid of committment. I am afraid of healthy relationships. I realize that I do need people who are at a similar developmental stage. I'm realizing that if I'm avoiding something uncomfortable, but it's something that others with sobriety are guiding me to do, then I probably need to do it. Maybe you can start here. Develop relationships with women your age on MIP and see how that goes. Just an idea. Glad you are here.
I got sober at 18 and just celebrated 10 years this past July. It can be done!
Your sponsor has some good points. At the same time, I learned a lot more about working a good program from the older people in AA than I did from those my age.
That said, the fun I had with people my age when I first came in showed me that I could actually have more fun sober than getting loaded, and ultimately helped keep me in the rooms.
I'm not sure if that helps, but if you have any questions, I'd be happy to help if I can. Hang in there!
Welcome Brittany and 449 Recovery! Gald to have you here with us. For me, it was and still can be a matter of getting out of my comfort zone. If I want a friend, I have to be a friend. The Fellowship can be a great asset to lifes. It's just difficult sometimes reaching out. Sometimes it a matter of engaging in conversation at meetings with those around me- even if I don't want too. Acting my way into good thinking. Facing my fears.
As far as finding and working with people your own age, I really like what Tasha said ... age really isn't an issue when working the program ... alcoholism basically effects us all in pretty much the same way, it destroys who we are, young or old, black or white, man or woman ... look for the similarities in what others share and you'll come to 'identify' with them ...
Gob Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Hey, Thanks for all the good advice, I have been attending meetings and talking to some people my age but not as well as the people with time on them. I am going to try and take my sponsors suggestion but I am also not going to worry so much about it. She obviously has a reason behind her suggestion but I guess that will come out in time. If God wants people in my life he will put them there when he wants them and I will help a little I guess too haha. I do like people's spirits as well and honestly that does attract me more to people.
Thanks for the update, Britney. You can make connections with people on this board too, hopefully. I'm not sure of everyone's age, but I'm sure we must have folks in their 20s.
For me, it was and still can be a matter of getting out of my comfort zone. If I want a friend, I have to be a friend. The Fellowship can be a great asset to lifes. It's just difficult sometimes reaching out. Sometimes it a matter of engaging in conversation at meetings with those around me- even if I don't want too. Acting my way into good thinking. Facing my fears.