So I'm sitting at home, relaxing and doing step work, when I get this text. From an old friend-mostly drinking buddy who I haven't heard from in over a year. This is a girl who drank like I drank- towards oblivion and insanity. She was actually one of those people I used to like to drink with because while I was the quiet, brooding drunk, she was the loud and angry drunk. I could always look to her to settle my questions of whether or not I had a drinking problem- because I "wasnt THAT bad"- horrible, but true. So I get this text, and she's updating me on her life and mentions she's at a concert and 'tipsy'- memories come rushing back. I can taste the vodka tonic extra lime. Out of nowhere this urge comes. I've been blessed with few urges to drink- but this one was like a ton of bricks. Perhaps I should go to that meeting in 40 minutes. We must always be on guard.
Excellent message! You're so right. I think by you posting it here, you've taking away a lot of the power already. Going to the meeting and calling your sponsor to tell her about it is an excellent move too. I had just posted yesterday about my desire to drink being removed... went out for a fish fry which happened to be just a bar and we didn't know it going in... was all cocky and proud of myself at how I could sit there and be totally unaffected, and then all at once, the urge came. I didn't have to race outta there, but it was kind of ironic how my cocky karma came full blast at me lol.
Thanks for the post Col
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Eternal vigilence; daily reprieve based on spiritual condition. Always true, every single day, the days and months with never-ever a thought about drinking or the disease, and the minutes it comes out of the blue like a ton of bricks, or twitches in the brain in the middle of a dream, or sneaks up in the grocery aisle with the wine sample lady. Eternal vigilence; daily reprieve; spiitually fit.
. . .- memories come rushing back. I can taste the vodka tonic extra lime. Out of nowhere this urge comes. I've been blessed with few urges to drink- but this one was like a ton of bricks. Perhaps I should go to that meeting in 40 minutes. We must always be on guard.
Urges or thoughts of drinking are not unusual in early sobriety. I am reminded that Dr. Bob, an AA founder hadnthoughts of drinking scotch for 2 1/2 years after getting sober. He was going to only one meeting a week back then, but he worked with other drunks constantly.
The thoughts/urges may come even if they are unwanted. It is what we do with them that counts. Meeting, prayer, phone call, sponsor contact, helping another alkie, reviewing your last drunk, bowl of ice cream, etc., are all potential aids to handle the urge.
Amen Colleen. Maybe that meeting is a good idea, for the both of us. You're not the only victim here, and probably won't be the last either. That's why your support is so vital. It helps us get through these cravings together. Thanks again for keeping it green. Onward.
But what wouldn't have happened several months ago is that you recognized that thought as disturbing and then your next thought was to get to share here/get to a meeting. Our first thought is often a sick one Colleen. The following ones are the ones that show how healthy our program really is.
When I hear someone talking about "Oh I got a buzz and I'm at a concert," that just strikes me as sad. My automatic thought now is...how sad she probably wont be able to fully enjoy the concert if she's drunk. That's how much my HP, the fellowship, and the program changed my thoughts on drinking.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks, Col...and I hope you text her back this morning telling her "I hope you had a great time! I went to an AA meeting and WOW my life is great and I feel great today!!!" LOL...sorry couldn't resist. I had a friend like that in early sobriety and I felt envious for a time and then started doing that back at him and he finally came to AA for help. My sponsor tells me to see it from another angle, one of opportunity. It was amazing because I never figured he'd make it. I haven't seen him in years but he was 6 years sober when he moved away. You never know who you might influence by being the only copy of the big book they can see at the moment. Hope your meeting was inspiring!
This reminds me that I have to exercise my AA program to keep my 'reflexes' sharp ... you know, to jump back from alcohol as if from a 'hot flame' ... Our different 'senses' are very powerful and King Alcohol will use them to his best benefit to get us to return to drinking ... The subliminal thought of a certain smell, a certain taste, a certain song, a certain sight, all can work on our defenses to not drink ... Like Leeu said, we must stay in 'fit spiritual condition' to ward off the temptations that will come ... great post ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Aloha Col...you're wide awake and have a sense for your HP's direction....hmmmm just love to watch that happen. Keeping an open mind almost always rewarded me the same way.
I'd be tempted to buy my friend a drink...diet Pepsi or something...out of gratitude and tell them how their phone call touched me for which I am grateful. It's a 12th step thing. Mahalo for the sober share.
