Not really. But then again I was just as bad, if not worse. My wife gave me an ultimatum; sober up or else. The else part came first, but recovery was a close second. Not close enough, though. It took me over 25 years before I got the first step, even then it was a stretch. I had to suffer more relapses than anticipated, but it was expected given my history and all. What I really needed was a 'kick in the pants', and a couple of more ultimatums. From there, it was all me.
It was a bit rough in the beginning, but it seemed to even out after that. I had a lot of anxiety issues that never seemed to go away, among other things. Once I got over that hurdle everything else fell into place, as it should. Just don't expect too much at first. My wife didn't; all she wanted was some piece of mind, and a few less headaches. She couldn't understand what had happened, and why everything turned out for the worse and not the better. After 6 months or so, she was finally singing a new tune; she saw the growth in me before I did. It was a blessing 20 years in the making. So as the say in the rooms; anything's still possible. All it takes is some willingness and a good program of recovery. The rest you'll learn along the way. Just remember one thing, though: Recovery is never a given, it's something we need to earn. And it's not an overnight process either; sometimes it takes longer than expected. But as the proverb says "it's better late than never".
I guess there comes a time when we need to let go, without question. Or as Dean would say "Run Forest Run". We can't force him into submitting, all we can do is make suggestions. I just hope he considers 'all' his options before he throws everything away. I hope he gives recovery one last chance. I hope the next drink will be his last. I hope he decides quickly rather than later. Whatever you have to do, though, do it for yourself and not others. You deserve that at least, if not more. I hope he gets sober; I hope you can works things out; and I hope the reunion is that much sweeter, I hope. Keep us posted.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 30th of November 2012 07:24:55 PM
I am a mother of 3 and married for 10 years. I can say the last 2 years of our lives have been devasting to say the least. My husband's drinking became unbearable. We seperated for 8 months then he decided to go to rehab. After much consideration we decided to have him back home once his 30 days was done. The first few weeks went better than I had expected. We each had our own rooms it gave us our own space to breath... A few months before rehab he got a second DUI so lost his temporay license. I am exhausted having to drive 3 kids and him everywhere.
The last 10 days have been more and more difficult.. 4 days ago another argument but this time we never recovered from it.. It spun out of control. Really saw his old self again.
Is this part of recovery at home?
Maybe it was a mistake to have him come home. I dont think I am a strong enough person to do this :(
You describe a difficult situation. Repairing the family situation can be a rocky road. Generally, I would say that things will get better over the long term as long as hubby stays sober and works some type of recovery program, AA or other.
In the short term, though? Can be tough. Most would say that you and family need help too. Such as counseling and/or Al-Anon.
I would suggest you pursue hat direction. There are online forums for Al-Anon, I know.
It took years for us(your husband) to get to the point we were hopeless ... and it'll take time for us to recover ... this may be a fairly long process, meaning it could take months or longer ... my wife was very tolerant, she didn't want to lose me to alcohol or anything else ... BUT there did come a time that she too said she'd had enough and gave me one more chance ... thank God and AA that I did, in fact, experience a miracle that changed my life and we are now happily living a sober life together ... it doesn't always turn out like that ... some burned bridges can never be rebuilt ... and it's best to move on in those cases ...
You must try and 'recover' yourself ... an Al-Anon program would help I think ... but you must evaluate your relationship with your husband and see how you feel about him ... is the 'love' still there? ... how far are you willing to go to help him and yourself recover? ... the quicker you decide your true feelings on this situation the quicker you can take action to bring about the life you really want to have ... in AA, we are asked if we are willing to go to any length to get and stay sober, you must ask yourself the same question regarding helping your husband ... is it worth it? ... only time will tell you that ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome to the forum. As Tanin mentioned, in person and online Al-anon forums and meetings are a good option.
Living with a alcoholic for a number of years makes you sick also, you will want to work on yourself and your recovery and get assistance from others who have been in your shoes.
Being out of control and angry can happen, I see it as part of the disease not recovery.
Here is a online link to the AA Big Book, it is good to read it all, but the "To Wives" and "family afterward" section will be especially useful.
