I've been debating with that statement in my head for a long time now, and tonight I finally went to my first meeting...and I can't wait to go back!! I listened and spoke to some pretty amazing people tonight. I received some free literature (big book, 12 steps and traditions, twenty-four hours a day), quite a few phone numbers, encouragement, and best of all...understanding. I guess thats why I felt so comfortable in there, knowing that these people have lived through, are living through, what I'm going through too. Amazing. I feel great right now, but I know that possibly won't last through the night, which is why I'm here now!
Glad you found us ... Just wanted to say that coming to terms with step 1 wasn't too hard for me ... steps 2 & 3 were a different story ... as an alcoholic whose next step was death, I did come to believe in a higher power that could, in fact, restore me to sanity ... and that is where life began for me in recovery ... it's a wonderful life ... stick around and we'll be here for you through each and every stage of your recovery... you will find new and 'life-long' friends here ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Last Monday, on my way home from work I stopped by the bar where my friend works to visit. Not true, to have a couple of drinks. Then proceeded to go to the store to pick up more, which I took home and finished. Why can't I get beers from the store, drink a few, and leave the rest? Cause I have a problem.
My car is gone now, and I need to figure out a way to a meeting tonight. I hate asking for help.
Glad you're here, Bethany. AA is a great journey, even after the pink cloud!
Asking for help gets easier with practice. The thing that helped me with that was the realization that none of us ever did anything by ourselves. I used to tell people that I learned to cook all by myself. But that is not true because I depended on cookbooks and manufacturers of cooking products and farmers, etc. Just walking into a meeting and listening is a way of asking for help...so basically you have already asked. Now all you have to do is be open to suggestions. Some people are more than willing to pick up for a meeting and some will offer a free bike to ride or a bus pass. It's all a matter of what you are open and willing to do. And of course there is always MIP...giggle...but f2f is always better for a newbie, in my humble opinion. Plus it is wise to remember that AA's need service work to stay sober...so don't ever deprive an alkie of a chance to do service work!
Also wanted to say that saying I am an alcoholic does not infer that I was an alcoholic or that I could be an alcoholic..."AM" exists in today and is a reminder that the disease is still lurking. I feel it's important to remember that I AM an alcoholic...because as the big book says....when I put alcohol in I have an adverse reaction (allergy). There is an old joke that goes: What happens when you put alcohol into an alcoholic? You get ic. Alcohol + ic = alcoholic.
I know this, I just have to try to swallow my pride and do it. Easier said than done.
Pappy, where you said the first step was easy for you...it was easy for me, in my head. But when someone accused me of having a problem...deny, deny, deny. I don't know how the rest will go, we'll just have to wait and see. I was thinking a lot last night about the second step, trying to figure out how to go about accomplishing this. My head was fuzzy this morning on my way to work, same route I take every day, but I came to a stoplight and there was a work van in front of me with the bumper sticker that read "Smile! You now chose life!". Interesting, that came out of nowhere.
Hey BR, ... there's a non-AA book titled 'The Shack' ... this book made believing in AA for me possible ... I saw spirituality in a different light and came to believe after reading this book ... it's in paperback and affordable ... the 1st 1/2 of the book is just what sometimes happens in life, depressing ... the 2nd half is the grand prize of enlightenment, or it was for me ... for me it was a book of untold wisdom ... I am sober today because of this book ... it made AA's way of life easy to swallow, so to speak ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I've been reading the big book and things are clicking in my head and i can relate with basically every line I read. BUT I'm having these thoughts, too, that I am not THAT bad off. I mean sure, in the last 5 years I've lost a great job, totaled a car, lost an apartment, ruined some relationships, lost some friends, been arrested, become completely broke, and more recently had my car taken away, and watched my mother almost walk out on my father over MY drinking....
So really, these thoughts of, "I'm not THAT bad"...crazy right?
After typing that out, it seems a bit crazy to me haha. I think I need to keep reading...
I too have spent quite some time denying, I'm just really trying to fix this, I actually have the desire to now. Sometimes my brain can spit out a somewhat normal response! Thanks
The desire to stop drinking is the only requirement for membership in AA ; )
Keep coming back! When I look at my track record, it's littered with things such as you describe above. Then the little marker that says "started AA" begins a completely new track record of things getting better, relationships mended, parents at ease finally, family in general happier - me happier & productive - I bet even that guy down at the mini mart is happy for the loss of his liquor sale to me each day. It must have been rough watching me stumble in for more day after day ; )
You're doing the right thing. Read the Big book - think about it for a while. Look for the similarities, not the differences. Remember you WILL get worse - never better, so if you don't identify with some of the horror stories now, you will if you continue drinking. I didn't have to lose everything and be living under a bridge, and you don't either. No one does.
Keep posting and sharing - it helps us, and soon enough, you'll be enjoying meetings, sobriety and life!
Lots of love and support, Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I can remember admitting it in high school. Yep John your a drunk. It wasn't untill I became willing that anything changed. I need willingness with my honesty or how do I know I'm not lying to myself again??? Sick with the winners and Good Luck.-John L.
I too have spent quite some time denying, I'm just really trying to fix this, I actually have the desire to now. Sometimes my brain can spit out a somewhat normal response! Thanks
Hey BR, ... I know you're trying to get your life back on the right path ... but don't forget, it will take help from others and your HP ... We/I learned early on that we ourselves were indeed 'powerless' over this disease ... so please get your fellow AA'rs there to help you along, and don't forget, they have been in your shoe before too ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I believe you, Pappy, most of all will be happy to hear about the big big chunk of pride I just swallowed! I didn't go to a meeting last night because I didn't have a ride - aka too proud to call any of the people who told me to call them for a ride - and instead locked myself up and buried myself in my free literature. But I just called one of the ladies I met the other night, and amazingly enough she was ecstatic to hear from me! Craziness. I'm really just kind of in awe right now, most of the people that I've known in my life would never think of being even half as considerate as this girl...and I've met her ONCE. So anyway I will be joining her tonight at her home group, and she said she wants to introduce me to her sponsor as well. Let's seeeee
Fantastic ... You go Bethany ... this is a great start and I pray you like the lady's sponsor as well ...
You need to understand that those of us who've been around a while are 'changed' people ... we love to help others where possible and I'm glad you got a sample of that tonight ... you may not understand it just yet, but the only way we can keep our sobriety's gift of 'peace and serenity' is to give it away ... so as we become less selfish, we also begin to do more for others, it's part of the recovery process ...
It won't take long, you'll be amazed at the results ... just keep going to meetings for now and work on the suggestions your sponsor gives you ... and if you can, read that book I suggested, all the way through, it'll be a life changer ... in a good way ...
Love You and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
This meeting was even better than the first. We talked the whole ride there and the whole way back, so much understanding and similarities between us, which was awesome. Her sponsor was a very nice woman, didn't bother to shake my hand, just hugs (what is this about haha I'm not used to it). I didn't get to talk to her much but WHEN I go back I hopefully will.
I'm going to pick up a white chip tomorrow.
Also, I'm thinking about asking my mother to come and listen. She's asked a million times "why do you drink?" And after running out of BS excuses, my best answer is "I don't know". Do you think this will help her understand a bit better?
Get used to the hugs ... LOL ... just keep going to as many meetings as you possibly can right now ... I think it's great that you intend to get a white chip as a show of your desire to try this way of life ... if you put 1/2 as much effort into AA as you did with your drinking, you'll be amazed at your progress in no time at all ...
As for your Mom, I suggest she check out the Al-Anon meetings rather than accompany you to AA meetings ... Al-Anon is a similar program for those who live with alcoholics and need their own recovery program ... If you do bring your Mom to an AA meeting, just be sure it's designated as an 'open' meeting ... your friend can explain ... But you have to understand that if you happen to share during group discussions, and are 'totally honest' with your share, it may not be something that should be said in front of Mom ... it's one reason we stay 'anonymous' ...
In a few days and a few meetings, you'll come to see why it works best this way ... Kudos for your first meetings ... as you can readily see, nothing happens unless we take action to get well ... you are doing great and I pray for your continued progress ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm learning about the hugging haha. Thanks for the prayers and support. I'm definitely not ready for sharing yet, hah I have a hard enough time introducing myself to the new group, and that's just saying my name! Maybe one day. I want her to come and listen to someone who is an alcoholic so she can get a better understanding of where I am. Not just from someone who lives with a person like me. Does that make sense?
Yes, ... it makes perfect sense ... and what she hears may help her to know the helplessness and hopelessness of our situation without a solution such as AA has to offer ... but it has been my experience that no other human can totally understand an alcoholic like another alcoholic ...
I know that your intentions are noble, but just keep in mind that to understand an alcoholic, one almost definitely has to be one ... what doesn't hurt anything is your Mom coming to know that you are serious about your sobriety and that you must put that before anything else ... and her participation in Al-Anon will go a long way to helping her understand just what it is you're going through ...
Hope this helps ...
Love Ya, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yes, ... it makes perfect sense ... and what she hears may help her to know the helplessness and hopelessness of our situation without a solution such as AA has to offer ... but it has been my experience that no other human can totally understand an alcoholic like another alcoholic ...
I know that your intentions are noble, but just keep in mind that to understand an alcoholic, one almost definitely has to be one ...
Aye. My mum and dad (bless them) really tried to understand where I'm at and what makes me tick. I've tried explaining things but I may as well say it in Swahili. It doesn't matter though. They've seen the change and that's all that matters to them these days. As long as I understand and am doing something about it then they're happy.
Your mum won't care either once she sees you first start to recover, then get happy and sane, and finally to start to glow (it'll happen if you stick around). She still won't understand but by then it won't matter.
My husband said it's been more beneficial to go to open speaker AA meetings in understanding alcoholism, than alanon meetings - and that he takes away a lot more stuff he can use in his own life too. That's just one GUYS experience though. Not saying it's better for your family or right.
He has been to only 2 alanon meetings, and maybe ten aa open speaker meetings because he likes it better.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
