Sometimes we do make a really huge deal out of getting a sponsor don't we! LOL
I sure did at least. It feels like this really huge thing, and really it's not. We are not marrying this person... but we take it that seriously sometimes! As if it must be the one and only, and we can never move on. We're scared yes... of course we are. If we were about to get chemo therapy treatments, we'd be scared too... but we'd do it! We wouldn't say: uh... no thanks, I'm too scared... I guess I'll just go die now, thanks anyway.
Getting a sponsor is part of our treatment in my opinion. It's one of the things we NEED to do to be sober... and live.
BUT... we have a disease that tells us we don't have a disease, so we think we wont die. Thing is... we WILL either end up dead or in prison if we don't take certain steps. It's as black and white as that... but our disease makes us believe it isn't.
In my opinion, we also make a big deal out of the sponsor thing because we see all these people speak, and they always refer to these sponsors they've had forever and a day who've saved their life and are the greatest people on earth etc.
In reality, our HP saves our life. We will do what it takes to be sober and extract the info to do so from a rock if it is our destiny to live. I bounced from person to person, trying to find a good fit... and that's perfectly okay. Currently I have 2 sponsors, I went back to my original with many years - and a lady with only a bit more sobriety than me. However, when I proceed through the steps again, I think I will do it with only one so they can follow along easily.
At this point, I am not so judgmental anymore. I don't expect people to be perfect anymore and I know the questions I need to ask, the things I need to talk about, and it makes it easier. I could get along just fine with almost anyone I expect... the only thing that would keep me from being able to work with someone is if they weren't living a spiritual life, or at least trying as hard as I am LOL - not that I expect anyone or myself to be doing this all perfectly!!!
What is so awesome about my husband these days... what I love about him the most is not that he is doing everything better... but he's trying really hard. He's really really trying. He still messes up all the time like me, but we are both trying so hard, and it really means a lot to me. I really admire him.
Anyway... when I would move on from a sponsor, I would just tell the person it was a privilege to share in their sobriety, and thanked them for everything. I didn't go on and on with the why's or whatever, because if they are working an admirable program in MY opinion - they will not be the least bit offended and only wish me the best. I try and tell my sponsee regularly to never be afraid to move on if she feels she needs to... it's her program and my privilege to be working with her. Not a second of time is wasted for me, because I learn so much, enjoy it thoroughly, and know that her allowing me to work with her is keeping me alive : ) I believe it's called service, because I am serving her, and ultimately my HP and myself.
So remember, these are just thoughts on sponsorship from someone with only 7 months of sobriety - so I'm posting it here in hopes I can hear some other people's thoughts - and learn.
Hope this makes sense, and very best wishes to you,
Tasha
-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 19th of November 2012 10:59:27 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I think Tashia is pretty much right on the money. Early on, make sure you get a lot of contacts and go back to the same meetings so people get to know you. Showing up early is great also.
Different people seem to have different strengths in AA, some people who are great at sharing on a topic my not be a great sponsor. A sponsor should have worked the 12 steps, be connected with others, attend meetings reguarly and be commited to the AA program. I asked the people who seemed to be interested in me. That always seemed better than just walking up to someone out of the blue, just because you liked their comments etc.
Like Tashia, I had two sponsors, one who I asked and the other who adopted me (this is frowned upon in a lot of areas). One I asked had 18 months and the other 3 years, God was watching over me, niether of them where experienced sponsors, but they showed up at meeting and tried.
The main purpose of having a sponsor is to get you connected with others and help you in attaining a spiritual experience and a result of the steps/ help you find a power greater than yourself that will help you solve your problem.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Good thoughts Pappy - thanks. You have told me: if we think we have a problem with alcohol... we usually do. People who don't, don't think about it.
Also Chaya - AA can't hurt you. Just keep on the path as an insurance policy. I truly believe anyone could benefit from this program. So why not keep at it just in case. I do lots of things just in case: Wear a seat belt; take a multivitamin and probiotics; put on hand sanitizer after pumping gas; carry life insurance; chew gum during a meeting; change my towels every day... etc etc etc
And most of those things aren't any fun - AA is - don't you ALWAYS feel better after you've attended a meeting? I do. Even when old guys get in my face.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 19th of November 2012 02:20:07 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
It has been my observation through the years, that those MOST likely to stay sober, come to meetings early and stay a little while after the meeting ... too often I see the same people come in two minutes before the start of a meeting and leaving quickly after the closing prayer ... they usually don't stick around very long ...
Those that come a little early and stay a little late seem much more likely to become part of the 'AA family' ... and they tend to stick around a while ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thank you for all of your posts. They are extremely helpful to me. Although I have someone to work with right now who offered to assist me temporarily as a sponsor, something feels disconnected. I don't know if it's my gut telling me something isn't right of my total lack in trust of others. I don't trust my own decision making ability at all. I'm not all in right now. I'd like to think I am, but I'm struggling with step one. Here I come again trying to manage, trying to control, thinking I can do it on my own. I started thinking of drinking again this weekend. No wonder. I'm only one foot in.
I don't know that this is something possibly causing you indecision right now or not, but the holidays were, at one time, especially stressful for me ... I saw everyone else enjoying themselves and felt I could not without a drink or twenty ... it was like I was whisked to a dimension in time where nothing was real ... It seemed I could not discern reality from fantasy ...
Staying vigilant in the AA program helped return me to sanity slowly ... it took a good while for me to ever become comfortable in my own skin again ... I found it hard to trust myself, but with continued practice, it all became easier ... turning 'off' the stinkin' thinkin' was easier said than done ... but again, with practice, the promises became real for me ... I realized finally that I, in fact, wanted sobriety above all else ...
Life is grand!
Love Ya and take Care, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
And most of those things aren't any fun - AA is - don't you ALWAYS feel better after you've attended a meeting? I do. Even when old guys get in my face.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 19th of November 2012 02:20:07 PM
Hey, Hey, ... ... I resemble that remark!!! ... careful 'Doodle-bug' ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Made a call to sponsor and didn't pretend and do my nicey nice smiley routine. Told her how overwhelmed I am. Thursday is my dads birthday. It'll be two years since he's passed. I know it's back there in my head and I'm ignoring it. Had a little temper tantrum on my own today. Cried with self pity that it's not fair. Meeting in 15 min. I just need to put one foot in front of the other. If I want things to start happening for me it's time to let go. Here's something funny...when I picked up my little one from school today I asked her how her day was. She told me it was G-O-D. I know she meant good but it was a nice little reminder for me. It put a smile on my face and helped me to relax and let go of the day.
Great Chaya!! Your self aware - and willing (GREAT MIX)! And boy do I ever remember the nicey nicey smiley face thing. (Still do it sometimes). I think we do that as woman, and mothers especially because we have to put on a nice face for our kids and the world so often. I had to actually consciously say to myself -God help me... be honest - be real - be authentic, before I would knock on the door at my sponsors house.
Keep us posted : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
