The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said, "Implants?"
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I don't approve of political jokes...I"ve seen too many of them get elected!
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade in value.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of grenades...now THAT'S a message!
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom"s wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
Here's my favorite: I have my own little world. But It's OK...they know me here.
Remember this: As long as you can laugh at yourself you will never cease to be amused."
Thanks for your time - Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
