"Aloha Kakahiaka...I'm Jerry and I am alcoholic..." that is how I identify in my home group of 18 years on the Big Island of Hawaii. It is family and home for me and I am attentive. I listen deeply and I give back. I listen mostly with my eyes because I am hearing disabled and have been for years...Of course I've got aids...new ones and so when things are quiet and still I can hear with my ears too.
What I heard with my ears was a member of AA with long sobriety share like a new comer or someone just about to go back out or someone who had just come back in. "He was "f"ing every other phrase and double and triple "f"ing much of the rest. I had no comment then...my former sponsors lessons on "Sticks and stone can break your bones but words can never hurt you...unless YOU want them too" ran thru my mind. What tripped me was he referenced a piece of literature another member was using to move him toward his recovery who then moved on to the Big Book of AA. Our member was on a rant about there only being one "book" available to the recovering Alcoholic and again my former Sponsor's lessons arose to the occasion. "Find and use everything available to you to gain and maintain your sobriety". I bless him for that because my recovery has come from not only the Big Book but more sources of recovery which HP has put in my way. The book he mentioned in his rant which he was seemingly criticizing is also one of the largest sources of healing I have used even before coming into recovery. I am still using it because it incorporates my mind and spirituality to keep my body in the perception and attitude of healing. As you know I was assaulted by the Police last November of 2011 and they did with this 69 year body something a head-on accident did when I was 22. My body was younger then and under a huge prescription drug load and the inevitable surgery however I had a neuro-surgeon who pulled me off of the drug load (I am chemically tollerant so the prescriptions were near over-dose value) and refused ot cut because the fear of making it all worse. When I asked "So what the hell do I do about the pain"? he responded "You're going to have to learn how to live with it" and I heard "You're going to have to make it your brother". HP thru another person presented me with the book this member was degrading and I listened knowing better. HP...not solely AA is the real holder of the lantern. I know that for me...the other story however told is another story and from growing up in recovery I was taught to never get inbetween or in the way between another man and recovery. I don't dispose of other journeys especially if we all find ourselves at the same place. I had a sponsee with me and told him what I am saying now, he is also hearing impaired and reminded me that he had learned it earlier in our relationship. Done
Before the meeting I noticed a young woman entering the cabana (our groups are held outside in seaside cabanas just off the Pacific) she was dressed in Irish Green and after the meeting I asked her "are you irish?" She took the question and in 5 minutes I knew about her family...Yes by the way she is Irish and another European race...and yes her family is addicted...and she is not. She can control it, she attends meetings and still drinks from time to time and not to the level of other folks and so on and so on. I asked her "So why AA meetings? what do you get from hanging our with us? and then the rest of the story...I'm here because the court ordered me to them...and I still drink a bit"..."why did the court think you need to be here"? "Oh because I got a DUI but it wasn't that bad, I wasn't that drunk". "So what you're saying is that you didn't crash into something and kill yourself and or someone else"...and she said "Yah". She also mentioned all of the other analytical justifications I use to use and I compared notes with her. No I didn't call her an alcoholic or an alcoholic like me...she doesn't sound like she is the chemically tollerant type the type that slips into toxic shock overdoes without warning. She sounds like a person who needs more information, less deinal and more acceptance without self depreciation because drinking alcohol is causing her real life problems and for some that might mean we are alcoholic.
I like the color green...especially Irish Green...yellowish green use to be the color of my skin tone until 5 years after I stopped drinking that is.
Great share Jerry. You have a lot of 'experiences' for such a young guy and very intelligence too. I hope those experiences are more pleasant today than before, as they should be. Thanks again.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 6th of November 2012 02:50:54 AM
Mahalo for your openmindedness Tasha...That is the type of member I like to stand next to and just listen to because of course they taught and mentored me into "considering" other perceptions outside of my own narrow ones. I spent 9 years alcohol free before taking an honest assessment; one where I had no fear or prejudice or reason to not to anymore. All of the defenses were down and laid aside. Behaviorally I am oppositional defiant and it took 9 years and the grace and leadership of my higher power to take down an uncompleted assessment form, which I used to qualify and quantify my patients (I'm a former substance abuse/alcoholism therapist) and to fill it out myself). I kept it anonymous and still the response to it from the head nurse on the adult inpatient section was, "Whoever belongs to this assessment needs to be in inpatient therapy or the next time they drink they die". When I arrived at the honesty of it with her she reminded me that we had the same 9 years of relationship in the program and I knew what to do next. My first AA meeting was in the corner, in the dark like muchh of my drinking experience. Was I supposed to be there? I knew almost everyone in that room because I counseled most of them at one time or another and their families and their marriages and their children and when the identifications came around the room to me I could not speak. My fearful ego was in depression and...they held up the meeting until I identified. We sat in quiet while they waited for me to hear what they had already known for a long time even though they had never seen me drink.
I am grateful to tears that in God's own way, God's own will has come to pass and I have yet another persepective to use as a tool to staying sober and clean and holding the lantern for those who question. If we arrive at I am not alcoholic...great!! If we arrive at I am alcoholic it is still great because you are in the most right place to save your life.
(((((MIP)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 5th of November 2012 12:24:20 PM
Interesting points - I thought a lot about the idea that there may be a lot of non-alcoholics sitting among us - court ordered to be there and such. I never really considered that before. I wonder if the spiritual way of life has ever so appealed to someone that they stayed - even though they weren't alcoholic.
The share is moving, and there is something very interesting and real about the way you put it all into words. Thanks : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
YOUR DUCKY! Thanks for the post - and for the reminder in your avatar of that other moving post... wonderful day! So lucky to be a part of this, and to be alive... and in love with recovery!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks for sharing. A lot of subjects there. 1. first tradition, our common welfare comes first seemed to be at stake with your member throwing all the F-bombs. I think someone needs to take him out for coffee.
2. I was sober in NE Ohio for 17 years and I never heard the term conference approved etc, till I moved to GA, we read the 24 hr book at every meeting and there where a lot of local books and pamplets AA's had written over the years. There was actually a lot of anti=BB sentiment among some of the "real" local oldtimers from the 40's and 50's. The book was a great vehicle to spread the AA message, but left out some of the early concepts they used.
We seemed to take the approach of stepwork, absolutes, sharing ESH, gratitude and spiritual growth using various books and aids.
People need to realize that there where meetings and people working the steps and staying sober before there was a BBook What did they read or learn from?
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Interesting points - I thought a lot about the idea that there may be a lot of non-alcoholics sitting among us - court ordered to be there and such. I never really considered that before. I wonder if the spiritual way of life has ever so appealed to someone that they stayed - even though they weren't alcoholic.
The share is moving, and there is something very interesting and real about the way you put it all into words. Thanks : )
A lot of the younger AA's where I got sober used hang out at a local resturant/coffee shop. There was a non AA guy (kind of a lonely sole) who always hung out there and of course became friends with all the AA's, so he becomes a alcoholic and starts going to meetings. I'm not to judge, but I'm pretty sure he joined just to be part of the group.
I guess if you hang out at the diner long enough, at some point your going to go to an AA meeting LOL. It did make me realize how fortunate we are to have our wonderful fellowship!
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I was just thinking of Jerry's post above with regard to the guy sharing and using all of the 'f' words here and there ...
I saw a sign in an AA room while traveling one time that I'll never forget ... It said : ... Using foul language is not a sign of 'Spiritual Progress' I will never forget that ... Yet another reason to go to meetings no matter where you go ... there is always something to learn ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What did they read or learn from?