I just have to get this all out. My friend was diagnosed with lung cancer last week. She was given 6 months to live. She is in so much pain as much as I love her I wish it would end now. She is my best friend's sister This is someone I grew up with. Spent every holiday with. My immediate family is wonderful, but my extended family is not. I always spent the holidays with her and her family; no blood relation but they are my family.
She is a raging alcoholic. She has been for 30 years. We had some great times together in the early days. After that it was just 2 aging drunks. I stopped going out with her b/c she would get so drunk and always create a scene. Constantly get kicked out of bars. Start drinking in the morning. You know it is bad when another drunk (me) doesn't want to be around you when you are drinking. But I would drink with her at her house. While I hate to lose my friend, I am more upset b/c of the life she led. I don't know that she even led it. She endured it. She was sick. And she was lonely. She was trying desperately to fill the hole in her life with alcohol. Trying to self-medicate, as I have been doing. It was a sad way to live a life. That is why I picked the screen name. I've tried to drown my sorrows, but sorrow floats. She had tried AA, but she just could not kick it. I don't want to be like that. While I have to do this for myself...I know I have to be sober for myself. Last night I turned down a beer (a delicious Pumpkin Ale) and I thought of her. Rather than raise a toast to her, I am going to honor her with sobriety. And believe me, if I ever wanted a drink I want it now.
Amen ,in thought and prayer,you can be the best friend to your friend by remaining in sobriety and being there with her. Take that first one and all bets are off,it seems as if you are fully aware and that is truly a blessing.. There will be many temptations,I can only suggest toal surrender and getting into the process of recovery a day at a time.Seek and listen for a sponsor if you dont have one,make meetings and get into the 'SOLUTION"...I will lift you both up in prayer,I lost many to this devatating illnes..........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Sorry to hear you going through this ... it's a rough deal for anyone, drunk or sober ... Sober, at least you can be around to comfort her, Drunk, and you'll not even be conscious that she's there ... If she were to see you drunk, then she'll be thrown back in time when she perhaps wishes she could have lived life differently ... she may wish for you to become part of the AA family and go on to enjoy the benefits of sobriety that she won't get a chance to ...
There was an old TV show called 'Dragnet' I believe, and it always started with "The events you are about to witness are real. this is a true story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent." ... same thing we are experiencing today ... our stories are real ... and they have real realities ... Your friend does still have time to make peace with God or her 'higher power' ... may I suggest the two of you pursue doing just that ... I will not suggest any type of religion, but do highly suggest a search for spirituality, which is what we come to find in AA ...
Perhaps you can sit and read to her from the BB and the 12 & 12 or even the Bible so as to do something productive with the time she has left ... it certainly won't hurt anything and possibly do you both a great deal of good ... my prayers are with you and your friend ...
May God Grant you the Strength to see this through, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thank you both for your replies. Maybe you both already know this...but when someone replies, take the time to type, somehow I feel a little less alone.
Sorry to hear about your friend. It is always difficult losing someone you care for.
The best thing you can do is to continue to work on yourself staying sober so you can be of maximum service to God and others.
Thanks for sharing we are here for you in support.
I totally agree Rob. It's a difficult place to be in Joy, especially with your friend's illness and all. I can only imagine how you feeling at this very moment, not to mention your friend. So my advice to you would be simple really: 'remain strong and sober' despite those anxious feelings: It's the side of you she really needs right about now.
You allegiance proves one theory correct in my eyes, how invaluable friendships truly are -just like your connection here on M.I.P. That's why we're here for you Joy, as only we can.
Let's help you move forward together, and work on becoming the person your friend always wanted you to be: A sober example for others to follow. Lets do that in her memory, if only for today.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you Joy, especially during these difficult times -as they should.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 2nd of November 2012 01:43:33 PM
I see the program working for you. I see you teetering a bit and that makes me uncomfortable. (I know that's largely my issue). I did not think of alcohol as "delicious" in any way after beginning this journey. I didn't think "I could really use a drink now more than ever" because after step 1, it was clear to me how illogical that thinking was for me. I thought of alcohol as poison and was afraid of it for a good while.
I'm not perfect, but I can share what worked for me and point out little things that you might be thinking or doing that could risk your sobriety. You are right on with it being true that the best way to honor your friend is to stay sober. More than that though, the best way for you to do anything is to stay sober because if you think otherwise, you have not fully committed to the program.
Alcohol won't take your problems away. I was the same kind of self-medicating drunk that you describe as yourself and your friend. The longer I am sober the more I see that "my problems" were largely imagined, eggagerated, a product of my drinking, and they were all due to self-pity and fear.
I'm glad you told on yourself about the lingering thoughts/desires to drink. That's a good practice and a tool of the program.
If you are truly an alcoholic, keep surrendering and the obsession to drink will be lifted. It will become more apparent how it was your ruin and you will recoil when thoughts of drinking come rather than romanticize them and ponder whether or not to wallow in pity while drinking. You know that doesn't work for you any more.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
