I hear what your saying Adam. It does seem a bit surreal given our real life encounters and everything. It's still has an ironic 'twist' whether we agree or not, even for alcoholics like myself. Let's face it, though: From the not so dubious distinction of being called an 'alcoholic' to the numerous debates worldwide, alcoholics everywhere can create quite a stir even in recovery. Whether it still hinges on the 'moderation' premise or not is beyond me.
So, what are we to do? Can we actually drink responsibly or as the alcoholic says 'in moderation' or are we just fooling ourselves? For me, it doesn't seem logical given my unique condition and all. In fact, I'm so convinced of my own alcoholism that I've resigned from debating that topic any further. Let's face it Adam; any debate that plunges our alcoholism into a totally different light is not worth challenging. So why even go there. I'd rather stay true to my original assessment, and do so by remaining sober. It's the only remedy that seems to work.
Well, look at it this way Adam; you had a great day off, and so did I. I'm allowed to work at home, though, so it doesn't affect me all that much. My wife, however, thought otherwise. She had the day off as well, being a teacher and all. She spent her whole day grading papers, though, while I just slept. When the snoring got too loud she would retreat to her 'women's cave' and type, sometimes even louder. It's funny how that happens. Jeez honey...how did that clip get on my nose? Talk about living dangerously...
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 2nd of November 2012 04:25:53 AM
Tonight I was sitting on my couch watching American Horror Story (great show, by the way) and had a thought that made me laugh:
I started wishing DESPERATELY that I could be a "moderate" drinker who didn't enjoy drinking so much. I was thinking about how I wish so much that I could have just one or two drinks, and really relish in the warm and fuzzy alcoholic "buzz" without the need to plunge into a full on drunken binge. My wife is capable of it, and the way she describes it is very serene.
What made me laugh was how ironic this is. I know that I am an alcoholic and therefore cannot drink if I am going to maintain my physical health and sanity. I am incapable of being moderate, and one drink ALWAYS turns into hours of binging. But the idea of wishing desperately that I didn't love being drunk so much... so that I could continue getting drunk... is ridiculous. The absurdity of the situation made me shake my head and further confirmed why sobriety is so important. Needless to say, I didn't drink tonight.
Aside from that, the day was good. I didn't see much of the storm, despite living in the vicinity (thankfully). I did, however, get the day off of work. And that was just one of countless blessings to be thankful for :D
-Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
What this made me think of Adam, is the times early in sobriety when I was at a meeting and I would give an author's type description of having a drink ... from the cooler/freezer to downing the drink ... I'd look up from sharing and there'd literally be four or five members starting to drool ... even to the point of wiping their shirt sleeve across their mouths ...
That only happened a couple of times before some women and men came and told me to lay off the description ... they said to stop 'romancing the drink' ... I admit, that can drive you ape-shit ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Great advice, Pappy. It can be difficult for me, too, because what initially drew me to alcohol abuse was the romantic aspect of it. After discovering that alcohol is a monster and has wreaked havoc on my life in so many ways, I feel like I was able to see it for what it really is. At the same time, one of my weaknesses has long been that infamous author's description. So, I appreciate the wisdom. As always!
-Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Hey Mr David, ... I'm beginning to think 'snoring' is a character defect ... LOL ... my wife got up the other night and went to our guest room ... said between my snoring and the dog yelping (our dog never barks, but she does 'yip and yelp' in her sleep ...), she couldn't get any sleep ...
Does this mean the 'romance' is gone ??? ... ... ... seems now we'd both rather have quality snooze time than doing 'other' stuff ... HeeHee ...
Praying that you are riding out the storm with few, if any, difficulties ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
The irony and futility typically comes right after "I wish..."
When I find myself going "I wish...I wish...." I try and remember:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
Hence, you are supposed to be a sober alcoholic. You are supposed to not understand how to drink normally. The awareness is awesome. Next comes a deeper level of acceptance. I stopped wishing I was different when I surrendered to the program and to the disease. I do not wish I could drink responsibly. That is like wishing I was purple. It's just not me.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I'm sure you have all heard this before but it always makes me laugh:
"I wish I could drink like a normal person that way I could do it all day every day."
I seems to me that one of the many things we have in common is a broken moderation button. I know I sure do. I've had the concept explained to me before but it doesn't make much sense. Why stop at four? Wouldn't five be better? And if five is better then six or seven would be great, and even if they aren't then eight, nine or ten will get the job done (with eleven and twelve as a backup plan).
It's nice that we can recognise the insanity of these thoughts these days. That's progress right there.
