Hey Britney, ... Welcome to MIP ... glad you're here ...
You have a lot of great shares already on this post ... A great sponsor is not necessarily a 'hard-ass' ... they are someone who will call your bluff when they see it ... those of us who are living the program have experienced doing the same to our sponsors ... It's time to throw away your excuses ... either you want sobriety or no ... and if you think someone is going to drop 3 years of sobriety in your lap, you're in the wrong program ...
Sobriety takes a lot of work but it gets easier with time ... we work the steps because we need to earn our 'chips' so to speak ... anything worth having is going to also be worth working for ... you say you're still on step 1 ... so you're not convinced that you're handling life like you want to ... don't want to rock your boat, but step 2 requires you to be convinced that a 'higher power' is there for you so that you can start and grow a spiritual connection here ...
Okay, so life isn't all 'peaches & ice cream' ... are you dealing with life okay or has it become 'unmanageable' yet ??? ... can you limit your drinking when and if you want to ??? ... Do you feel you have to have a drink to get through any particular situation ??? ... If you are 'honest' with yourself, you'll have completed step one before you finish reading this post ... That is a beginning ...
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 28th of October 2012 06:50:51 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hi Britney and welcome to MIP. I'm assuming by "hard ass sponsor" you mean someone who will tell you the truth, even if it hurts your feelings?
Well the truth is not pleasant. You are dying... of a progressive illness and if you are like me, no human power can save your bacon. It will just get worse until one day you won't be able to come back. You are gonna have to get off step one. Knowin what the problem is never got anyone sober. Here's what the book tells us about step two:
"If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort."
The truth is no human power can relieve our alcoholism. The sponsor hasn't been born that can fix your problems. What your sponsor can do is show you how to get connected to a power greater than yourself, through the steps, that will solve your problem. It's a God job, though you are free to choose your own conception of God, (as long as it's not you or your sponsor) whatever makes sense to you.
Willingness is the key. Are you willing to make the effort?
God bless,
MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Sunday 28th of October 2012 08:51:12 PM
Hello! I have been in the program for aoubt 18 months - trying to get sober for 3 years. I have yet to put together more then 30 days at a time; I will have a slip - that always end as one glass of wine and ends in drinking at work - driving - lying - and eventually me deathly ill to get back on it. One thing I do is keep coming back. I have many good friends in the program and great support. I know I can reach out to any of them at anytime and they would be there... It's like I'm self sabotaging. I feel so much better and healthier when sober and get in such a good positive place...then I think I'm in such a good mood I'll have a drink. I know that is complete irrational thinking. I have a sponser; but she lets me get away with missing meetings...etc. I haven't got off step one. I think I'm going to ask another person who I know will stay on top of me and tell me like it is. My current sponser will always be my friend; but I need more of a "hard ass". Anyway...just looking for some feeback and words of wisdom. I WANT SOBRIETY and a good life w/ my friends and family...this cycle is no way to live.
Hi Britney, Welcome to MIP. Sounds to me like you have the insanity part of this disease down pretty well. I can remember the same thinking. "I'm doing so well staying sober, I think I'll celebrate. With a drink....." Yep. Insanity alright. Also sounds like you need a sponsor who is going to give you clear cut directions and guidelines, AND hold you to them. It's great to have your sponsor be your friend, but sometimes we need a sponsor who is going to be that "hard ass" and give us deadlines and assignments and consequences if we don't follow through. The bottom line, however, is that in the end, your sobriety is your responsibility. A sponsor can help us get to where we need to go, but we are the ones who need to do the work. Whatever you do, don't stop trying. This disease wants to take you down, and it will, in one way or another if it is allowed to. Thanks for stopping by, hope you stick around. Keep trying..... Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
If you want a "hard ass" sponsor, then don't cry and fire them when that is what you get. A hard ass sponsor will fire you as soon as you start slacking. A "hard ass' sponsor wont put the willingness into you either. You have to want to be sober so badly that you will do anything. It's not "like" you are self-sabotaging. You ARE self sabotaging. What's the fear of success? My fear was that, if I really got sober, I would have to grow up and be responsible. Turns out, that was what I wanted anyhow even though I was afraid of it. You will go through some harsh growing pains, but it's much better than being in the cycle of repeated relapse. I cried, called people, called strangers, wrote my sick thoughts here on this board, begged for help, took help....I did it because I wanted sobriety more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life. I hope you can get to that spot too. If you really trust in AA and believe it can work, then start actually working the program and don't play games with your life.
You are brave to come here and post. Dig deep and put forth a full surrender this time. No going back. Do not drink, no matter what. There are many many many choices and things to do other than to drink. You do not have to drink even if you want to.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
You have heard im sure,that WE may not be responsible for our illness,but WE are responsible for our recovery.Glad you made it back,many of my posse never did.You seemed to know the drill so I only say 'WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO DIFFERENT THIS TIME! I can only suggest looking inside and asking yourself are you ready to totally surrender and come to the emotional acceptance of utter defeat? If you truly WANT SOBRIETY, then putting the substance(alcohol) down is the beginning of the healing,the rest takes the work,daily, guided by a Power Greater than yourself(whatever that may be for you)and remaining in that fit spiritual condition.No one can make you go to meetings,do step work,share and give back that will be something for you to work on.As long as you don't pick up,you wont get high(on alcohol)and the road forward can lead you to a life better than you have ever known.Thanks for helping me today,stick around WE need you........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Welcome to the MIP board, hope you keep coming back!. A lot of good things said here. Given your situation it is possible in might be best to work with another sponsor (not that your current sponsor really is doing anything wrong).
As someone who has sponsored many people, I have learned only to sponsor someone based us both agreeing first that they are willing to work the steps and do the other necessary things to stay sober. I'm not doing anyone any favors if I am their "sponsor" and they are not willing to do the work. I will always be friendly and helpful as possible in either case.
It basically states in the "working with others" chapter, not to spend a lot of time working with others if they are unwilling to accept our solution We can go to a treatment center and pay 30k or more and they will do their best to force you to stay sober and work on yourself. but if you are not doing it for yourself the results will still be nil.
Hope you hang in there and keep praying for willingness. We all have different paths to recovery. If you make recovery your first priority in life, you will be well rewarded. I also had relapses when I started feeling better. I had to start getting alright with everything being alright.
Hope this can help.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Aloha Britney you have just heard what I heard when I first got her...these are the hard asses and for me the hard asses where the ones that walked the walked and talked the talk and I had to understand that my walk and talk was going to have to look the same also. At first it wasn't...one of my character defects was/is oppositional definance. I don't use that now to tell myself "they're wrong I can drink and I can drink better than them". I had to leard to turn the defiance around on myself and to understand that I could not by myself keep myself sober...I didn't know about alcoholism and I didn't know that I didn't know...I needed others and at first I attempted to to that while looking like I didn't...trying to save face when it was my ass that was getting whupped.
You can come here for support and that will never look like anyone is carrying you. The membership here can and will hold up their ESH (Experience Strength and Hope) out in front of you just like any sponsor will however in the end the consequences you get and are getting are your responsibility alone. I know and agree with everything that has been handed out in front of you just now because that is what I grabbed for after I surrendered my self will and ego. I accepted that the fellowship of AA and now the MIP fellowship are tools from my Higher Power to get and keep me sober because both that HP and I need me sober. All of my former sponsorship sounded like these guys and gals...because they loved me and knew that what they knew worked for them and would work for me if I only work it like they did.
Scroll back on the prior posts...you will be walking thru a diamond mine of recovery. I am in support and I wish you well just like the rest of this family. We cannot make or keep you sober...that's your job and hopefully your dream.
