Tried to get to a meeting tonight because it turned out that even without having alcohol in the house I still wanted it. So, I get the courage to go and it was a men's meeting! But now it's time for bed so even the time I spent getting ready for the meeting, driving over there, and driving home took up time and got me out of the house. I spent the rest of the evening at my mom's which was another reminder of the importance of addressing my drinking. The combination of chemotherapy and lack of alcohol after treatments leads to her unpredictability. It has become easier to be with her when she is drinking. During an ACOA meeting last weekend, the reading referenced a parent that was like scotch and soda. It really hit me. I never Know what I'm going to get from my mom-the scotch or the soda. Same with me, though. I feel more like scotch than soda a lot of the time. At this point my alanon sponsor has asked me to stop my 4th step work and deal with the drinking issue, but so many of my defects seem to be so much like the alcoholics in my life. Even before I drank I behaved like a dry drunk. I have everything in line to allow this disease to take over. I'm not the exception; I know that. I've been playing with fire here for a while and I'm lucky that I haven't gone up in flames. Not yet anyway.
Thanks for letting me share.
Chaya
-- Edited by Chaya on Thursday 25th of October 2012 11:02:28 PM
Sorry to hear of the mix-up on the meeting ... keep trying ...
Try not be too down on your Mom ... it may be the chemicals doing the talking ... or at the very least, making it hard for her to see clearly through the sickness ... some of us are sicker than others ... so be the best you know how ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Wow Chaya...the lessons are coming and you sound wide awake!! Keep on keeping on (trudging) and of course don't take that first drink. You're share here is right out from my own story. We're never alone.
I've been a little in the dumps lately. Not sure if it's the many gloomy days, PMS, or trying to address other issues in my life other than my own drinking. I think I'm best off focusing on one thing at a time, so I'm going to try getting back on track by just getting me figured out for a while longer.
Best wishes to you Chaya - thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hey Tasha, ... Cheer up ... I know I've been a little down this week too 'cause of Alex ... I'm not obsessing about it, but I just can't be totally rid of the thoughts ...
It reminds me of something and old timer told me, after we lost a young person a long time ago ... if you stick around long enough and live long enough in this program, you're going to experience the pain of losing someone you love in these rooms ... Rule #1 Alcoholics die ... ... ... Rule #2 Recovering alcoholics cannot change Rule #1 ...
I know that Alex would want for us to remember her as an example of just how deadly this disease is and to use her for breaking through to that next alcoholic that walks through the door ... we can become better at helping others by citing personal experience ... I think she would like to be the source of help for others by example ...
Together we can miss her, love her, and pray we get to see her in the next life ... the one free of tears ...
Love Ya'll, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What's to worry about? ... afraid someone will find out you think you may have a drinking problem? ... LOL ... SORRY ... Hell, most everybody at the meeting is there regarding their drinking problem ... you have to see it for what it is ... 'A bunch of people trying to learn to live sober by helping each other' ...
And you don't have to share openly ... if you want to just sit and listen, by all means do just that ... if you want to talk with another lady you seem to like, wait til after the meeting and strike up a conversation ...
WE DON'T BITE .... well, there is this one guy .... nope, never mind ... hadn't seen him in years ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I used to make sure I got the right location by watching the people go into a building. Scoping out locations only tells you where the recovery is. Going inside gives us recovery.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Congrats Chaya ... I love it when a plan comes together ... hope you found something at the meeting that you could use ... mostly I hope you came away with some phone #'s ...
(#'s of women of course ... LOL) ... be sure to call someone if you get edgy ... (there's also a 24 hr Hot Line ... in most places)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I was at a women's meeting once and a desperate looking man came in not realizing what kind of meeting it was. We took a quick vote and let him stay. Most drunks really do want to help no matter what.
Ha! ... the very same thing (exactly) happens to our 'ladies' meeting on rare occasions ... They have a quick show of hands and the guy is welcome to stay ...
Well that, of course, depends on how many times the same guy confuses the same schedule ... LOL
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Women's meetings, men's meetings???????? Let me get this right now, if there is an AA meeting going on and I don't fit the profile (Women's meeting, LGBT Meeting, Rock Stars in rehab Meeting etc.) are you suggesting that they need to take a vote as to whether or not I can attend that meeting that night?
Hey Excuse me, either it's an AA meeting or it isn't. If it's an AA meeting then the ONLY requirement is a desire to stop drinking.......trust me it'd take more than a disapproving look to stop me walking through the door.
If there are other requirements (Have to be a woman, a man, LGBT, Rockstar in rehab, biker mice from mars etc.) then guess what - it's not an AA meeting and should not be branded as one, should not be in any where to find.............
Thankfully I have never been turned away from a named meeting for being of the wrong person profile......I've been to a women's meeting in Inverness (just the once, there wasn't another meeting that night for 20 miles) and LGBT in Glasgow several times........I wasn't questioned in either place (OK it's obvious that I'm not a woman, even though I have boobs) but as for LGBT - well you can't tell by looking can you? But I qualified for entry through tradition 3.
Now sure I take the point pappy, that a guy who regularly attends a womens meeting just for the hell of it should perhaps be viewed with a measure of distrust, but if it's an AA meeting, who is to deny his access?
I also am sensitive to the perceived needs of closed user groups - Rockstars in rehab ( a made up name ) might attract people for the wrong reason (Star chasers) women's meetings the same (13th Steppers) also some closed user groups may feel more cofortable and able to share in greater depth during open sharing........but then again, we shared in general terms what it was like and how it is now.....or as we say up here, in broad terms in the meeting, in depth with your sponsor........so maybe that doesn't stand up......
well anyway, congrats to Chaya for getting to the first two meetings of her recovery
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
LMAO BB ... ... ... don't b'lieve I'd have brought up my 'man boobs' ... you're crazy ...
Okay, I agree with you 100% ... however, there are those (newer to the program perhaps), that feel that a 'men's' or a 'women's' meeting is more conducive to getting the timid ones to share freely ... sure, I believe that anyone with a desire to stop drinking should be welcome ... but I guess there are times when they wish things to be a little more private, more so than one-on-one with a sponsor ... for instance, where rape or violence may be an issue ...
Good one BB
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I thought the idea of a womans meeting rocked not that long ago. I was pumped. I thought it was going to be all about recovery for sure... no dating scene people etc. But in reality, when I stopped listening to the people who wanted to gossip, were more interested in dating or whatever things other than recovery, and basically stopped being open to anything but what was on my own paper - it magically stopped happening : ) In other words, it was me that changed... surely that stuff didn't stop happening, but I just don't see/hear it anymore because I use the program to do the program lol.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
