Hi Sorrowfloats, sorry to hear your bad news. I have been through similar things in life, I Lost my wife, to would have been our 25th anniversary yesterday and right now my best friend and work mate has been given no more than 6 moths after a long battle. So I know what it's like and I have had a few opportunities to put this program to the test. let's see what our basic text has to say on the subject.
"My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that."
It talks about the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead. What this means is that bad things will happen to us, just as they do to everyone else. Further it tells us that if we haven't done the work and got ourselves connected to the power, we are going to turn to our old power when the bad thing happens. On the other hand, if we do the work and continue to practice these principles in all our affairs, we get taken to a different place, a place of neutrality, safe and protected. This is how the Big Book describes it.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
This describes my experience exactly. In everycase of personal misfortune and tragedy, alcohol has not presented itself as a solution, it has not come to mind at all. I have complete faith that no matter what happens, it will be ok. My first disaster was at obout 6 weeks sober when I lost my job. I was well into the steps and sobriety was my number one priority - the obsession never came back.
From you post I feel you have work to do and no time to waste. Get with your sponsor and get those steps done. And in between times, right now, find another alcoholic to work with, it might just save the day.
God bless, MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Thursday 25th of October 2012 02:14:01 PM
I got some very bad news today; a 46 year old friend of mine when into the ER Tues for back pain. She has cancer in her spine, it has spread everywhere. I want a drink so fucking bad I am shaking. My mouth is literally watering when I think about it. I thought that was just an expression. I didn't know it actually happens. I am going to a meeting at noon. But, I am scared toleave my house. I don't know that I can resist just stopping at a liquor store instead. Is this going to happen everytime I get bad news. I am so used to going straight for a drink.
Oh wow, ... sorry to hear this Joy ... but you know, just cause we don't pick up a drink doesn't mean that bad things won't happen to us anymore ... what our program does, is teach us how to deal with life on life's terms without the use of crippling alcohol ... and there is no situation that a drink or drug won't make worse ...
You need to be there for your friend ... not somewhere hiding in a bottle ...
Love Ya, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
SF, no that will not happen every time something bad happens. Eventually, after you just go through enough difficult things sober, you will recognize that you handled the situations better without drinking. It will then become more clear that drinking only makes a bad situation worse. This will only occur if you stay sober.
What is getting drunk going to do for you or your friend? Nothing but bad. It will make you unavailable to her. It is turning HER problem into your problem and it is hugely selfish. To be of true service to her, you need to stay sober.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Sorry for the sad news.Each time you reenforce"not taking a drink to cope" you strengthens that position.Stay close to your support,be available for your friend,remember life will keep coming at us,WE do learn to handle situations without drinking, a day at a time...You are not unique,We can truly identify and had to make the decision between life or death,you too can make that choice.Whatever your Higher Power may be,now is the time to seek that conscious contact,there you can find solace.....Let us know how it goes okay...
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Sorry to hear the tragic news Joy. My prayers sent your way for you and your friend. The others have outlined their E, S & Hope. My experience mirrors theirs. I hope you take their suggestions and throw The Program at this life event. That you trust the process and feel, deal and heal. You and your friend will be forever grateful if you do.
Thanks for sharing this sorrowfloats. Very sorry indeed to hear this.
I hope that you can draw support from the responses on here. In particular, I think that Fyne Spirit's post says as much about the program and sobriety as can be said. It's all in that post.
Glad to hear that you're making a meeting and if it were me, I'd get to as any meetings as I could, work the steps thoroughly and be there for my friend. And we'll be here too.
Sorrowfloats, in early sobriety, I had a very close friend OD and die. I saw him early friday evening and saturday morning he was gone. I was in pain over it. I thought about drinking and then I stopped myself. I decided that I was going to honor my friend by staying sober. In your case your friend is having to very strong in the face of the worst news. If anyone needed a drink it's her/him. Pull yourself together and be strong for your friend and yourself.
Surround yourself in the meetings with strong recovery people. And also be there for your friend. It's by giving it away that we keep it. You can't be a supportive person if your out drinking.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Very sorry to hear about your friend, I know it is a difficult thing to go through.
A lot of good things said here from ESH. We are programed to drink, that's why we our groups, steps and program. Keep with it and at some point in the near future drinking will not be your first impluse.
Bottom line, you did the right things.... you didn't drink and you came to the board for support, that's good progress for you. If you stay sober you will be able to be there for your friend and her family.
Take care,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Oh wow, ... sorry to hear this Joy ... but you know, just cause we don't pick up a drink doesn't mean that bad things won't happen to us anymore ... what our program does, is teach us how to deal with life on life's terms without the use of crippling alcohol ... and there is no situation that a drink or drug won't make worse ...
You need to be there for your friend ... not somewhere hiding in a bottle ...
Love Ya, Pappy
I agree Roger. There's nothing different about drinking this time around. It will only cause you more pain. It's a complicated thing, life I mean, but it can only get worse if we continue to drink. So please don't. Your friend needs you right now and that's the best place for you, by her side. So reach out to her as only a friend should; that's what she needs anyway -a good support network, just like M.I.P. We're always here to help.
Sorry to hear that : ( Reaching out here was a great move. I've been going to meetings every day, meeting with friends in the fellowship, and making lots of phone calls to my sponsor the past few days. I am so terrified of that first drink, I just have to reach out and stay connected as much as possible during times like this, when I'm feeling like crap and crappy things keep happening. I have been focusing on what's going right, and trying to remember what I'm grateful for. It's working so far... it's a fight for my life, and I feel the power of this disease. Always here to listen and support if you need it - and you're helping me right now. Thanks
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
