When I first came to AA, I thought discussion of "Ism's" was about the stupidest and cheesiest things I'd heard. I thought it was some made up bullcrap from people who had gotten sober but were still looking for more stuff to harp on and "self-improve" on. I really could not grasp how you could be sober, be winning the "ultimate" battle that we came to AA for (seemingly) and still have these other problems.
Truth is, I'm often out of balance and it requires constant vigilance and effort to keep peace of mind. Multiple things tear me away from my serenity if I let them...Sometimes even the things I do to bring me serenity go overboard and become ISMs.
I was recently watching a movie and there was a recovering alcoholic depicted. The character was "Mr. AA" and when their son died in the movie, he couldn't share any feelings, couldn't talk to his wife, and started lecturing her to "live in the solution" when she was mourning and breaking down.
My immediate thought was "Oh my God!! I hope I don't ever act like that!" Then I thought "Oh my God! Sometimes I DO act like that!" Today, I will try and stay away from fanatacism, narcissism, knowitallism...
The longer I am sober the more I realize I'm not just recovering from alcoholism. I'm recovering from myself. I have stated before that my recovery has been a total transformation. HOWEVER, if I'm not careful, that transformation might not be into a good thing.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
You do it on 'auto-pilot' ... Tasha ... you can't expect every day to be sunshine and cherries ... you will never appreciate the times you feel good unless you have something to compare the bad days to ... I just barely managed to get through the last couple of days following a mild stroke, I am not a 100% by a long shot, but am feeling better enough to be grateful to still have most the control over my body ... well. maybe I just 'think' I do ... LOL
1st ... finish reading that book you keep promising to read ... I've heard it said ... "Change your attitude, change your day" ... or something like that ...
Love Ya, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
That sounds like a growth spurt Pink!! sounds even more different than your normal shares...sounds humbling...which I was taught was about being teachable. Keep on Keeping on. Yay!!
I've been going to an oldtimer's meeting every Wednesday. It's starting to depress me though cuz those guys are still arguing with each other and have these weird idiosyncrasies after all going to the same meeting for 25 years. I'm like ...WTF! by 25 years, I want my AA halo to be shining brightly and folks who all have that much time in the same room should be emanating rainbows and butterflies, not arguing like crotchety old bastards. Then I realize that AA makes us human and not dead...it's doesn't make us perfect. Sigh. I guess I do want what those old guys have....lol.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Aaaaah yes, ... the 'crotchy old guy' syndrome ...
Ya know, that used to bug me to no end ... then I figured out I was one of them ... Lol then I found out they do that shit on purpose mostly ... it does make some people pay more attention to them ... ergo ... mission accomplished ...
(it's worse when they only have one day a week to 'fuss' ... LOL)(some days I think I'm turning back into a 5 y.o. ... ;)
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
When I first came to AA, I thought discussion of "Ism's" was about the stupidest and cheesiest things I'd heard. I thought it was some made up bullcrap from people who had gotten sober but were still looking for more stuff to harp on and "self-improve" on. I really could not grasp how you could be sober, be winning the "ultimate" battle that we came to AA for (seemingly) and still have these other problems.
Truth is, I'm often out of balance and it requires constant vigilance and effort to keep peace of mind. Multiple things tear me away from my serenity if I let them...Sometimes even the things I do to bring me serenity go overboard and become ISMs.
I was recently watching a movie and there was a recovering alcoholic depicted. The character was "Mr. AA" and when their son died in the movie, he couldn't share any feelings, couldn't talk to his wife, and started lecturing her to "live in the solution" when she was mourning and breaking down.
My immediate thought was "Oh my God!! I hope I don't ever act like that!" Then I thought "Oh my God! Sometimes I DO act like that!" Today, I will try and stay away from fanatacism, narcissism, knowitallism...
The longer I am sober the more I realize I'm not just recovering from alcoholism. I'm recovering from myself. I have stated before that my recovery has been a total transformation. HOWEVER, if I'm not careful, that transformation might not be into a good thing.
Well said Mark, I can't believe how far you've come in just a few short years.
I think you"re beginning to move into "individuation", which is what I call the time when the principals move from your head to your heart, when you stop talking about the principals so much and begin living them, they become your "operating system" like "Mark 7" or something, and you continue to update but it becomes an individual journey, you may share about it but the journey is your own.
The truth is many in the rooms never make the transition, they blather about the principals and humility but don't live one and don't even have a nodding acquaintance with the other, we have some great examples of those who have made the shift, Dean, Jerry, Pappy, Toni (RIP) but you can tell from their posts they actually -live- this thing, not just talk about them, and frankly we have a great crop of newcomers coming up that are making the transition, it's a beautiful thing to watch.
The two things I try to remember are Buddha quotes:
My teachings are like a raft to get you across the stream, you don't need to carry the raft on your head after you cross
People with strong opinions just run around and bother other people
There was also a story about the sixth patriarch that referred to this, (he was a cook's assistant at the time) but the master was dying and he invited all his disciples to write a poem on the Temple walls and he would choose his successor based on the poem, The #1 student wrote:
The Body is the Bodhi tree, (the Bodhi tree is where Buddha achieved enlightenment)
The mind a mirror bright,
carefully we shine the mirror hour by hour,
and let no dust alight
the cook's second assistant was walking by, saw the poem and replied;
There is no Bodhi tree,
Nor no mirror bright,
If all is the great void,
where can the dust alight?"
When the master saw the second poem he called the cook's second assistant in and made him the new master, realizing he was the one who understood the master's teachings, he eventually became Buddha's sixth Patriarch (I'm not a Buddhist by the way, it's just these stories illustrate the point I am trying to make)
I thought about that story for well over ten years before I finally understood it, if we start worshipping our mind or body it becomes a liability, Like Siddhartha we become pride filled ballons who can't let God in while we are studying God because we are just too cool for school, we become sucked into spiritual materialism and it bites us in the ass, it's like trying to remove ego with ego, which can't be done, whereas if we "Let Go" all things come to us, just like every great master of any discipline does, we learn the rules then throw them away, it's subtle, yet take a look around at the rigid thinking of some of the old timers and the newish members, then look at the relaxed faces of some of the others, who preach love and tolerance, who appear at peace, who don't grasp at Dogma but simply live the principals.
You're like me, we like to take shortcuts and evolve early, so I'll tell you what I did maybe in hopes you don't do it, don't try to evolve into the wise man too early lol, my father told me once, "Son, you're not the wise man and you probably never will be", and today I'm OK with that.
Keep doing what you're doing, I'm VERY very proud of you Mark, and your growth is an absolute joy to watch.
-- Edited by LinBabaAgo-go on Thursday 25th of October 2012 07:19:20 PM
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Your post knocked me right off my 'auto-pilot' ... you made me think deeply for a moment (for me, no easy task) ...
The 'transition' you referred to, reminds me of what an old sponsor I once had, said ... When you know that you know, you'll never know ... But when you do what we tell you not to do and to do ... then you'll know that you don't know ... I said hell, you're crazy, he said, I know ...
when I came back the last time, I finally stopped trying to understand this program ... the 1st time I had wanted to learn what made it tick ... read all the history, all the books referred to in Dr. Bob & the Good Old Timers, Dr. Carl Jung's 'Modern Man in Search of a Soul' ... everything I could find ... I still went out and drank again ... I just didn't understand ... turns out, I didn't need to ...
I came back and went to meetings everyday ... as time passed, I found that those most happy in the program loved helping others ... they lived the program of recovery ... it had become who they were ... THAT'S what I wanted ... oh sure, I worked the program and the steps, but one day I woke up and just felt happy ... it wasn't 'work' anymore, It was a 'way of life' for me too, now ... this program is my life now ... Thank you Lord ...
As long as I go to meetings and maintain my spiritual connection to a God of my understanding, I can live without a drink ... today!
Love you guys, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
