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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Sponsoring a spouse
Post Info TOPIC: Sponsoring a spouse
Rob84


MIP Old Timer

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Sponsoring a spouse
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Hi Newhope,

Welcome to the MIP board!

Probably a good question for your sponsor.

I'm sure you could do a great job helping him fill out his 4th step inventory :))





-- Edited by Rob84 on Monday 22nd of October 2012 12:21:00 AM

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Rob

"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
newhope


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Could I be my husband's AA sponsor? Thanks for any advice.



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newhope
Pythonpappy


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Welcome to MIP 'newhope' ...

Sponsoring a spouse
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Could I be my husband's AA sponsor? Thanks for any advice.



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newhope


To answer your question above, my answer is an emphatic 'NO' ... ... ...

In working the AA steps, we look to a sponsor as a guide to doing them properly and thoroughly ... during this very process
we must be totally honest with everything we say and do ... the steps take us through a 'housecleaning' process that can
reveal some very honest and severe defects we have ... some of those may hurt the ones we love and for them to become
aware of them may irreparably damage any relationship we have with them ...

So I repeat ... NO spouse as a sponsor ... EXCEPT in some few and rare situations ... (usually where the couple met late in
life and are totally comfortable with each others past, no matter what ...)


Just an opinion from an old drunk ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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StPeteDean


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I can't help but laugh at this one. Pappy you forgot the link to Al-Anon.

http://alanon.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727



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Pythonpappy


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Thanks Dean ... glad you have my back ...



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Zoomtopz


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G'Day NewHope.

                          As an older , as in both , ?? , I am 6 years older as in 'bellybutton' &

a bit over 6 yrs in sobriety . I met Bee @ th 50th aniversary of AA in Aussie . We have been

 together 17yrs , she had been sober 3yrs me 9 . I would Not reccomend it , Actual sponsorship .

I do believe though , we , 'bounce off each other' , like , if something 'she' is doing annoys me .

WHAT is In Me , that ??? When I get My answer , it was Not her , twas moi . I learn my lesson .

I have said to her Often over the years , How Much she helps me , because of th above .

So , experiencially , as an example , you are a unspoken sponsor anyway . Showing by example .

We are SO different , but so much th same - I'm Aussie , she Yank , i'm a long distant semi-trucker,

she is a Librarian , I dropped out of school , she has a Uni degree & Grad Dip Library science . But ,

we were doing All th same 'spiritual things'. As it says in "chapter 5" 'if you want what we have' .

To me does not mean We all do th same thing . I met a 'world famous' man , when I went back

driving , at one of his regular meetings . I did not want his type of sobriety or lifestyle or job.

What I did get from meeting him , was . What I wanted , Was , Out there? for me . If he could

do it , so could I . Just being an Example .

Rick.



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
Pythonpappy


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Thanks for your post Rick ... I love stories like this ...

G'day mate



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Pythonpappy


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Oh man Rob ... you know how to twist the ... ummmm ... ... wrench don't you ... I had to laugh ... it gave me a mental picture of ... okay Hon, you forgot about ***************


Oh wow, I can see it like a 'time bomb' ... ready to explode at any moment ... ... ... LOL



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Mr_David


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I agree with Dean dear, Al-Anon is a better fit for you. Welcome, though.



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Jerry F


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My alcoholic/addict wife once came home from an AA meeting and asked me if I thought she was an alcoholic. For many many unknown by then reasons I said "No" and she promptly went back out on another 5 year or so run.  Usually at one level or another the "spouse" is likely to be more of the problem than the solution.  Sponsors are solution oriented without the same attachment and they have experience about the disease.  On the outside also it is suggested that men sponsor men and women; women.  Are you an AA member?   (((hugs))) smile



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Dan B 76


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Run don't walk. To keep the marriage and sobriety another man is the answer for your husbands sponsor. As mentioned in other posts there are things in our past that are better not shared with a spouse. Speaking for myself I don't always agree with what my wife tells/suggests and it can turn into a heated discussion, something I don't have with sponsors or sponsees.

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chris


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omg, i couldn't imagine anything more horrible then going through the steps with my husband as my sponsor. there are one or two things that i can simply never tell him, things that would do more harm than good. it was an unbelievable relief to tell those things to a sponsor though.

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Angell


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My wife and I sponsor each other and have never had a problem.

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Pythonpappy


MIP Old Timer

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Hi Angell, ... ... ... YOU are the one person that came to my mind when I posted the "EXCEPT" part of my post above ...

I knew it worked for you and I knew the reason why ... ... ... I'm glad you can offer us this example ...


Love Ya man and God Bless,
Pappy



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