I have found that I have much more energy to go about my job when I envision myself as working for my higher power as opposed to for money or for my boss. Money is not a bad thing, but nothing beats serenity and being closer alligned with my higher power in all my endeavors.
On the other hand, my higher power's plan for me is not always clear and I need to be careful not to act like I am a saintly servant of my HP in everything I do. I'm human and I make mistakes. I will act with self-gratification in mind at times. I'm pretty sure my HP did not want me to have that 2nd piece of chocolate cake the other night lol.
Today I can make choices and act through a set of moral ideals that I did not before. That is progress for me. I don't claim to always be doing my HP's will. We are not saints. I do love my HP...that took lots of time because when I came into AA, I didn't really know who or what my HP was. So...wherever anyone is on their spiritual journey, it's progress and not perfection.
If your higher power is the rooms of AA...you can check you motives by asking yourself what you think the group concious of your peers in AA would be before you act in any given way. Furthermore, self-esteem (God-esteem doesn't make sense to me but don't care if it does to someone else) will improve when you act in accordance with what you believe that collective conscience would be. Furthermore, you can also be a servant to your HP if your HP is "the group" in that you can always do service to AA and your home group.
I'm not disagreeing with Odat here, just pointing out that there all sorts of ways to define a higher power. The theme here is a good one and ODAT gives a very clear picture of how she works it in her program. Thankfully, the principles of AA transcend any one spiritual definition. Like I stated above, the principle of "checking that your motives are in line with your HP" is definitely one that is central to AA, though it can play out in different ways.
I do appreciate your example of how this works for you Odat. What I really got out of it is that you are not lost or without direction in this move because you do have a connection to your higher power. That's a great feeling right? Makes things a lot less scary and it's okay to say "I don't know." Wishing you a good move!! Let us know how it goes.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 10th of October 2012 09:58:35 AM
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welp, this is it...tomorrow I move back to the city...
"I Don't Know" are the most important words I can say today. I don't know what is next, who I will meet, how things will be.
All I know is if I take care of myself and my illness I'll do ok. God will bring me everything I need.
Self-care is important these days...it's a ruff world out there and we've got to take care of ourselves. Eating right, not smoking or guzzling down coffee...keeping trail mix in the car so I don't get too hungry and getting as much rest as possible...making sure I spend time in quiet with God in the morning asking for help with my problems so I'm not self-will run riot through the day, shopping for clothes, calling people I don't need to be calling, or looking for instant gratification.
Some of us are more dependent and some of us are more dominant. Neither extreme is good in recovery...Step 4 an the 12&12 says the dependent type never grows up until she stops leaning on stronger people, and the dominant type never enjoys healthy relationships until she stops demanding stuff from her fellows. Whatever type we have more of, it has to be worked on in order to recover.
This AA thing...this recovery thing...this God thing...it isn't about prestige or my status in AA or in life...it isn't about what others think of me...it isn't about money or romance...this is a journey through life where I eventually come to put my reliance on God and perform His work well in His world...my relationships with Him myself, and others is the deal here. But my motives must be right. I can't run around doing it so people and myself will think highly of me...I have to do it because I'm so in love with God that I want to be His worker.
But what about me?? What do I get?? Well I'll tell you what...the peace, God-esteem and the joy of living I've always wanted. Do i want it or not?
When I am my True Self there will be people who don't like me, that's life...if I'm trying to please everyone I lose myself. If some people like you and some don't, your probably being honest. It takes an awful lot of courage and strength and it's entirely possible...anything is with God.
When we moved to Florida from New York ,leaving our jobs and all we knew up there,WE also stepped out with faith that our journey(unemployment,little$$,and a daughter and new little baby also along)that our trust in the God of our understanding would guide us.We envisioned a much different scenario then what the realization turned out to be.Father in law totally now in full 24 hr care,mother in law with serious dementia ,just had stroke and heart attack friday night,financial struggles all of "life on lifes terms situations.My wife not able to work now as she has become full time self teaching nurse for her family and Social Security for me showing more month at the end of our money.I still awake each morning as God opens my eyes and give thanks,meditate 3rd/11th steps and know that as long as I dont use there is always much HOPE and joy in seeing how God works THE PLAN for our lives as long as we "be still" for a moment and listen.From a very strong core of 'SELF-CENTEREDNESS(yes the real sickness of our illness)each day I must work the principles that have been part of my daily life for many years now.Absolutely some days better than others,but all days not 'caught in the grip' are better than living in oblivion,only thru God's grace and some daily work.Yes Honesty is the antidote to our diseased thinking and its not always easy but in the long run it is rewarding because it is a mandatory part of out true recoveries. There is a line from my spiritual readings(im sure you know it) that tells us "do not be anxious in anything ,but in all things ,thru prayer and supplication,bring our petitions before God and a peace that surpasses all understanding will fill our hearts and minds thru God"As a true hard-head I have to really dig in somedays to follow thru and not just pay lip service..Good luck on your move back,the adventure continues,that is our blessing as we can look back and see those that didnt make it...Have a blessed and productive day
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I hope everything goes well in the city for you. Keep working the program like you said and taking care of yourself. Best of luck to you. You said at the end of your post when you are your true self there will be people who dont like you, and thats life... Thats a good comment, never worry about those people! Theyre always gonna be there...but dont let them bother you or make your life shitty, just live it good, the way you want, and never worry about it, its too good of a thing to let a few people who dont like you ruin everything...excellent post.
Thanks you guys...it's true what Closer said...Life is not a dress rehearsal! I joined some really cool groups in the city and I believe there will be some real nice spiritual seekers there...maybe even a few AAers. Peace :)
Hey I know this doesn't really apply to this post but I just realized today is day 40!! WOw It kinda went by fast and other times slow. I thinks its cool anyway.....
