Like Zoomtotopz said, the alcoholic is usually the last to know about their drinking problem. Anyone that knows you would be relieved to know that you were in recovery. The stigma just isn't there anymore. I have a business and customers ask me all the time if I would like a drink. I tell them that I had to give it up some time ago. They usually ask "was it a problem for you?" and I say "you could say that". I was one of those construction workers that was entitled to a 6 o12 pack a day after all that "hard work" lol. I get nothing but admiration for being sober. The greatest is when people say "I can't imagine you being drunk" As for seeing people you know at meetings, I was relieved to have a few people welcome me, and be my friend in the program. We're all family in here. Don't sweat it. You belong here and don't let anyone keep you out of a meeting.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 5th of October 2012 09:51:35 PM
I have only been to one meeting so far. I went yesterday, and noticed the car (big ole jeep with big ole tires, hard to miss) of a co-worker. He is very open about his issues, and has been sober for years. I didn't go in. I am not ready to let people know...very scared of the failure, and even when I do, this is the LAST guy I would open up in front of. Without the drink, I tend to be private by nature anyway. Then I remembered sometimes my bro-in-law, sober for 14 years, also comes to meetings here (about 30 minutes from his home) sometimes. Has anyone else ran into this? I know it is anonymous, and I really wouldn't worry about them talking to anyone else, but I don't feel comfortable about this. I guess I will have to find meetings in other parts of the city, I live in St. Louis, and I can easily go a bit out of my way. Has anyone else ran into this, and if so how did you handle it?
I had a scare Tues morning, woke up feeling like hell. My first thought was "why did I drink????" Then it hit me, I am just sick. I've never been so happy to have a cold! lol
On a good note, 10 days sober. Checked my checking account, only about 6 or so transactions. I thought there had to be some mistake...then I realized I didn't have many transactions b/c I wasn't buying alcohol everyday. Sometimes twice a day (when my "I'm not going to drink very much" delusion occurred, and then I had to get more). Only 10 days but I am realizing just how much alcohol affected my life. I am still very scared, and of course the weekend scares me the most. I guess my plan of action needs to be a meeting.
Yeah - I can totally relate to every single word. We're so used to stopping at that stop sign, and when they take it away and put a traffic light there - it takes forever to get used to it! Alcohol was sooooooooooooooooo many stop signs for me, that every move I made was all messed up. I forgot all about feeling like that... it's funny to think back on it now, cuz it seemed like it would ALWAYS be super prominent in my life... but then it wasn't one day.
Meetings - sponsor - steps - more meetings.
I saw one of my old neighbors at a meeting, and it was pretty uncomfortable. You've gotta find meetings where you can feel comfortable... that's for sure. It's worth it to go the distance if need be : ) Good luck!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Congrats!! I am Still in awe when I see how much $$ I actually have when not blowing it on booze!! For years, I thought I was 'broke' all the time not realizing just how much I spent in booze.. Great feeling. Also can identify with the coworker you described.. When I first began attending meetings I was in a similar situation with a coworker in the program. He really liked to discuss his program with coworkers and would often make mention of others in the program that we may know ( or customers.. We work in the service industry). I was very scared that he would take it upon himself to talk about my issues.. Guess what? He did, and a few of my coworkers have since approached me whether to encourage me, or discuss their own battles with alcohol. I've never said a word about my AA involvement- I guess he felt as though it were good fodder for gossip. Which is fine, because when people we both know want a TRUSTED confidant, or someone to ask about AA, or if it would help them or not they ask me, not him. Not that it's a comparison or competition.. But I would simply advise that you do what's best for you and try not to think about what he may or may not say. In the beginning I really had to force myself to do this. I hope this helps a bit:) and congrats!
Congrats on day 10. I had a hard time getting over the day10 jitters myself, but it didn't last very long. It seemed to subside after only a month or two. So hang in there as best you can. A.A. certainly has its moments -both good and bad, but it does beat the nausea of a bad hangover any day. All it takes is some willingness and a good support network. The rest you'll learn along the way.
I had the desire to change early on, but I didn't have the proper motivation at first. So I needed a push in the right direction -and that's where A.A. came in. After many years sober and many more years fighting just to stay alive, I finally came to grips with the past and my drinking. So can you. My suggestion; make sobriety your priority for today, which includes going to meetings. It's the only option worth striving for.
There seems to be a lot of confusion around A.A. meetings that some of us never seem to quantify. I guess it depends on who you talk too, though. Alcoholism affects everyone differently, and in ways that only few can fathom. It can even become an enigma of sorts if not addressed properly. For some people, it's not even a question anymore -a given I suppose, while for others it's become more of an ongoing mystery if anything. Like, it's shrouded in a sea of uncertainty or something. But for me it was abundantly clear; I had no other choice but to surrender. I had to stop circling the campfire of doubt with my usual 'alkie-logic' and focus instead on the obvious, my drinking. Only Then, could I make sobriety my utmost priority, all thanks to A.A.
So From the A.A. standpoint, it became rather obvious to me. There was no other choice for me, but to attend. That was 11+ years ago. How did A.A. start to evolve for me? Well, it's simple, really...by attending meetings. I was able to make some wise decisions but only after my initial admission, thanks to A.A. So with the help of a good support network, anyone can achieve what we call lasting sobriety, it's only a matter of time. If you're still unsure about where to attend, just grab a meeting list and explore other options, okay. A.A. has been a lifesaver for me, without question. So please...stick around, it can only get better from here. Onward..
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 6th of October 2012 09:18:33 PM
Hey Joy, Welcome to the website. You could look for another meeting, or you could do what the program will teach you later and have courage. I am sure that whoever you know in the meeting is there because they drink as well. Really it is up to you as long as you pick a meeting and go.
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
You cannot save your arse and your face at the same time. This is about your life and avoiding a horrible alcoholic death. Going to meetings is 1000 times more important than what you think your reputation might be. All the people in the rooms have the same problem. They will be glad for you to be living in the solution. Shame will allow alcohol to keep you prisoner. Please do not allow that to happen.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I have only been to one meeting so far. I went yesterday, and noticed the car (big ole jeep with big ole tires, hard to miss) of a co-worker. He is very open about his issues, and has been sober for years. I didn't go in. I am not ready to let people know...very scared of the failure, and even when I do, this is the LAST guy I would open up in front of. Without the drink, I tend to be private by nature anyway. Then I remembered sometimes my bro-in-law, sober for 14 years, also comes to meetings here (about 30 minutes from his home) sometimes. Has anyone else ran into this? I know it is anonymous, and I really wouldn't worry about them talking to anyone else, but I don't feel comfortable about this. I guess I will have to find meetings in other parts of the city, I live in St. Louis, and I can easily go a bit out of my way. Has anyone else ran into this, and if so how did you handle it?
Only 10 days but I am realizing just how much alcohol affected my life. I am still very scared, and of course the weekend scares me the most. I guess my plan of action needs to be a meeting.
Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!
Hey Joy, ...
Sorry I didn't respond earlier ... I think most of us are paranoid when we first come to seek help in AA ... our expectations AND our fears become huge obsticles ... so much so that they can actually prevent us from taking action ... We find that we must take action by going to meetings and working the program because if we don't, we wind up in mental institutions, jail, or worse, six feet under ground ...
I can say that my first few meetings were horrible for me ... I felt 'out-of-place' and uncomfortable ... but I soon realized that these folks were just like me even though I thought I was a special case ... So, I feel it critical for you to take action to attend meetings out of your zone for now ... I wouldn't allow the presence of friends or family stop me, but I wouldn't care for them to know my personal problems either ... if you have the option to go some place else for a while, that's what I'd recommend ... as time passes, you'll feel more at home in these meetings than I can possibly describe here ... There is NO requirement for you to speak or share, simply attend and take what is shared to heart for what you can use and relate to ...
In a short time, you'll be comfortable asking someone to sponsor you and then you'll be 'on track' toward recovery ... so you see, it's not necessary to 'open up' in front of everyone else ... if you have personal issues regarding the alcoholic life and how to recover, you can simply discuss these in private with your sponsor ... it's a great way to keep our private life private from others who are in recovery that you don't know if you can trust them yet or not ...
Congrats on your what, eleven days now? ... You have already shown that you're ready to do what's necessary to change your life for the better ... don't worry about the co-worker and your brother-in-law, go to a meeting outside your area for a while, then facing them eventually, won't be such a big deal any more ... Just don't drink today, and say the 'Serenity Prayer' as often as necessary throughout the day, and go to a meeting ... if you run into someone you know, then simply tell them you are there to see if you have a problem or not ... no other sharing is necessary, it's your business, not theirs ...
You must make this a ME program for now ... in a few months, then you can start thinking of how your experience can help others ... Just don't forget, you cannot help others unless you first help yourself ... we have to be 'selfish' our first few months ... then a world you cannot imagine right now, will open up before you ... living in recovery is a paradise compared to how we were living in the hell the bottle provided for us ...
PM me anytime you want ... that's why I'm here ... and my fingers have plenty of extra words just waiting to be used ... LOL
I pray that this has been of some small benefit to you and others ...
Love you and God Bless,
Pappy
P.S. In one of the rehabs I went to, they made us figure out what we had spent on booze and drugs over our lifetime ... WOW ... you don't want to do that ... it was VERY depressing to see that figure in front of me ... and the amount of extra cash I had in my pocket was extrodinary in recovery ... it was a new freedom I never expected ....
OH, ... and I loved what Wren had to share here ... thanks
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Saturday 6th of October 2012 08:45:26 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I don't know what to think after reading the responses. I am not worried about my reputation, or what others will say. And I certainly am not the last to know I am an alcoholic...I've known well before I ever met either of them. I saw people open up at the first meeting I went to...I don't know, maybe I am just being a coward? The co-worker, to put it mildly, is a jack ass. Nice one day, vindictive the next...he, in my opinion, is a ticking time bomb. I don't think he would ever, ever say anything to anyone...thats not the issue. My bet is that he would be the most supportive guy around. He is still a jack ass. I don't like being with him when I am being paid for it. I'm not ready to do that with my bro-in-law in the room either. I could go, sit and listen...and certainly that would be helpful, but I am only starting...and maybe it is cowardly, but I have not told anyone about me stopping drinking...I don't want my bro-in-law the first to know. I'm sure he would be supportive. He is a great guy. Yet I don't want to pour my heart out to anyone...and with him being in the room I think I would, no...I KNOW I would clam up. I guess what I take away from all of your responses, which I thank you for, is that I need to put myself first, trust my sober instincts, stop second guessing myself, and do what is right for me. Maybe you think it is cowardly of me, but I will not get what I need if either of them are in the room. I am just beginning this journey. Maybe some day it will be OK, but for now it is not. Thanks for responding and letting me work it out on the site.
Hi and welcome. I sobered up in a small town, and swore that every time I showed up for a meeting, I'd recognize a vehicle or two. I finally began my first few meetings in another small town near mine, where nobody knew me, I hadn't partied with any of them, and I wouldn't have to make eye contact with them at the local store, LOL. Gads. For me, trust was a big thing, and still is. But I believe that one of the issues I was dealing with was the dreaded "expectations". If someone knew I was trying to sober up, then they'd be all too aware if I didn't make it when I ran into them later. So, in trying to stay anonymous, as in, under the radar, I just skipped town for meetings. Eventually, I began going to the smaller meetings (which meant six instead of ten) in my town, and once I had a bit of a support system, I began 'spreading out' more. And heaven forbid, if I failed and had to see pity in someone's eyes.... The important thing is going to a meeting youre going to be comfortable speaking in at some point. I barely spoke a word my first year. Just listened. Now I don't shut up. You'll find your own comfort level. A meeting is a meeting, so just going is the most important issue. You'll know when youre ready to deal with relatives and co workers. I think it's great that you're willing to travel a bit further to go and aren't going to let this deter you from getting to other meetings. Keep it up. Chris
Just go. You don't have to pour out your feelings at the first few meetings. I found it was better to listen than to speak at the beginning anyway. Ask another woman if there are any women's meetings around and check out if there are beginner's meetings as well. You probably won't run into those people you speak of there. Just don't let your disease talk you out of going at all. There are solutions there. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
You are not being cowardly. You are showing more courage than most just admitting a problem. Just keep your mind open. If help winds up coming from your brother in law or annoying coworker, that is okay. Take it. If you feel better going to other meetings that is fine too. The main thing is to go...even if you don't feel like it.
Strangely, I have found that the people that annoyed me often wound up being massive supports to me. AA makes for strange bedfellows like that. You have to do the footwork here but let your HP decide the how, who, and when of the way this plays out. My main concern was you not going to any meetings because of wanting to avoid those two people. Both of them are better equipped to help you than you at this point. You are your own biggest obstacle at first in AA, so letting anyone keep you from meetings, fellowship, and getting a sponsor is delivering yourself back to the enemy. Sounds like you are willing to go to other meetings if it means being more comfortable. That is fine, just as long as you do it. You are no coward.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi sorrowfloats. I swear the door at my first meeting must have weighed a ton. Every instinct in my body was telling me to "run".
Of course, all my fears were unfounded. If I'd given in to my fears, I don't know where I would be today.
That said, if I met someone who said that they sprinted into their first AA meeting, rubbing their hands and with a big grin on their face at how happy they were to be there, I'd worry about them. I'd be concerned that they hadn't really appreciated just how important this new journey was to their life and why they were there. Fortunately, I have yet to meet that person.
As others have said, you don't need to go the meetings that your brother-in-law or co-worker go to. But, if you want the benefits of AA, just get to *a* meeting and keep going back.
For the record, when I first came in, I would have felt that meeting a co-worker in a meeting would have been the worse thing that could ever happen. I'm in a place now where I would love to meet a co-worker in the rooms. :)
Thanks for all the responses. They were needed, and they helped. Wren, you wrote every fear I have. I was like, WTF? Is this person standing behind me????lol
I broke down in sobs after reading all the responses. It felt good. Another surrender, and not feeling alone. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all.
