After getting through Friday night, I was hit with another trigger. Saturday. And not necessarily night. And now Sunday football. So, I am trying to think of something that ISN'T (really hoping WASN'T) an occasion to drink...can't come up with anything. Sad, happy, celebrating, wallowing, being with friends, being alone: calls for a beer. I wanted to drink last night. Bad. It's what I've done on Saturday night for so many years, I can't remember the last one sober. I also think boredom had alot to do with it. It was such a long Saturday...I actually got up and moving at a normal hour b/c I wasn't hung-over. It was a wonderful day with a wonderful person. And I actually have energy today. WTH? I'm always a slug on Sunday. I had to recover from the cases of beer I had Fri and Sat. I read on here someone talking about so much time on his hands... I have to come up with some things to do. 95% of my "hobbies" center around drinking.
So I came on here and read for a couple of hours. I didn't read one post I couldn't relate with in some way. I really liked some of the poems, I printed one Pappy posted and put it in my purse. I have a feeling I will be pulling out that sucker often.
I am happy that this is the first weekend in at least 15 years that I didn't have a drink. I feel clearer than I have in a long time. But, as I encountered last night, this is not going to be easy.
My real name is Joy~ironic huh? lol...Why in the hell Daisy Duke popped into my head is a mystery. When I filled it out I thought I'd have to put my last name, and I didn't want to do that. Thanks for all the support. Have a great Sunday.
It gets easier Joy. The first several months are a challenge. I recall every holiday for the first year had me kind of on edge. I had to learn how to do life all over again. After a year, I knew there was no specific day on the calendar that had the power to make me drink.
I think Joy is a perfect name and that is exactly what your HP has cut out for you. You had to go through sorrow so you could really get to know Joy (and that works on multiple levels).
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I loved reading your post, your honesty will serve you well in sobriety ... You have described, very well I might add, the exact same thing I, and most of us, went through in early sobriety ... Time seems to be around in abundance all of a sudden ... I about went 'f...n' nuts ... so I started doing the things I had 'put off' and procrastinated on doing for a long time ... I started cleaning the house, sometimes past midnight till I was too exhausted to continue ... room by room, I cleaned and threw out stuff (some stuff I didn't even know I had) and scrubbed thing clean ... I've said it before, I must have had the cleanest house on the block ...
I read all the AA material I could get my hands on, and I went to 8 to 10 meetings a week ... I did anything I could find to do ... anything to keep my 'THINKING' off alcohol ... it wasn't easy either, just like you said above, I used to do everything while drinking ... All I can say is when you've hit bottom and can't live with alcohol or without it, then we have to take action to change our habits ... it's not easy, but it can be done ... trust me, it gets easier and easier week by week ...
You're doing great, just don't quit before the miracle happens ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You wanted a drink bad. Well - that's to be expected if you've just admitted you're an alcoholic, and you haven't had the the joy in finding a new way of thinking through the big book and the steps. As you share here about it, we'll get to identify with you... and you with us, and it can help take away some of the power alcohol has on us, but not all. Only until you get to work on the steps, will you get some relief from this disease... this simple yet so complicated thing we call a disease - the mind/body/soul all trying to fill a void with poison?
It's the desire to stop drinking that got you this far... and I'm with ya there, hoping that some day the sorrow you speak of, does float away... leaving the joy that is inside of you, waiting to shine... ready to burst free... so you can be who you were always meant to be. Free of this disease. I personally find joy in seeing people evolve and truly change into the beautiful being that was waiting there all along. I see it in the rooms, and here - it's amazing.
The real gift is this moment you have now, to make a move in your favor - do some things you might think you don't want to do - or are afraid of doing, and get to that meeting, and find that sponsor out there waiting for you. It's someone just like you - who at one moment in time, was likely afraid of some of the same things - dealing with some of the same confusion and obsession to drink - finally just surrendering to a simple action - walking through the doors of AA. Doing it again and again... and now... can help someone else - be there to listen and guide someone else like you, to find the solution she found.
It's a wonderful experience... I can speak for that. I went through what you're going through. I made it to the other side - free from cravings and obsessive thoughts - and have discovered so much much more. A new way of thinking. A new way of being. Serenity. It's possible.
Okay - I'm not a TV ad here. Lol Sorry. Good luck Joy : ) I'm rooting for you! Keep posting! Keep coming back!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
When I got sober I was so desperate to save my life that I told my drinking buddies that was exactly what I needed to do. I changed everything and the people around me was #1. Some of them were angry and begged me to stick around (I had to change my phone # and had people banging at my door at midnight) but I wasn't going to give up on myself.
After a few months they just went on doing what they did without me. They weren't mad in the end. I say hi to them when I pass them and maybe stop for a moment to ask how they are but that's it. We all know we are just living different lives now.
AA meetings filled up my time and gave me new friends.
It'll get easier, like the others said. Ive found a lot of new enjoyment in the things I do besides what I centered around drinking. when I got away from the bottle for a while, I began doing other things, and now I dont have the desire to drink and I have a whole lot of things that are enjoyable without having to drink with them. Its easier after a while.
95% of my "hobbies" center around drinking.