I had one of my horrible dreams, not of my drinking days, but my first sober days in AA. It was a replay of my selfish ways towards my wife, when I got sober. Whenever we went shopping, I showed no patience and tolerance. In my dream, I am using my old colorful adjectives to swear her and ask her why she had bought all these unnecessary things, because I was short of money at the tillpoint. The more she smiled and tolerated my tirade, the angrier I got. Then in a nice way, she says: "Do you really need another power drill, honey?" I put the drill away and we are able to pay for the necessities. However I am still mad and irritated as we leave the shop and I awaken to find it's only a dream.
When I got to my computer this morning, I read Angell's letter about his wife. I think it's God's way of making me re-evaluate my recovery and my gratitude. Even Natasha's articles that she writes brings back so many memories, of what it used to be like.
After 24 years in AA, the pain gets dulled and I am grateful to all of you who write on this forum, to be a constant reminder to me to be grateful. Even the tiniest article or a picture of your own life is such a treasure to me.
What a great post there Gonee, ... ... ... My feelings exactly ... I have made it a habit, at the first sign of anger, I now stop and think of what it is I have to be grateful for and the anger seems to melt away ... your dream by-the-way, is alot like my real life ... LOL
Thanks,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Sometimes it seems as though anger-anger-anger-is the most core emotion of this alcoholic. I can feel sad, or happy, or disgusted or "whatever" most of the time and be reasonably OK, but nothing threatens to destroy my serenity more than when I get angry or resentful. Doesn't matter how actually rational it may be in the circumstance, it is not something I can afford to have in my space, inside or out. And I find that the single most potent antidote to dilute and eradicate the anger is....gratitude!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the "reminder" . :) Problem-solution. Love this "program of recovery" that saved my life and keeps my live saved.
Nice gratitude thread, gonee. I love the power drill analogy by the way. It kind of reminded me of those old reckless days when my anger would spill over into just about anything. Those days are gone, thank God. But the memories still linger on. I don't want to become that person ever again. So I need to rid myself of those unforeseen dangers and step work has been my venue of choice. Without messages like yours I would still be lost even in sobriety. So thank you once again for this wonderful post, gonee. It really made my day.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 29th of September 2012 10:35:15 PM
