I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma, Aliasisme. It will work itself out, I know it will. There seems to be a great deal of confusion surrounding that very topic, indifference. So much so, that it has taken on new meaning nowadays. It just goes to show how insensitive this world has become. For that, we're sorry.
I wish we had all the answers, but the truth is...we don't. Everyone is on the same learning curve as you. Speaking of which; I'm happy you're still sober. It's a powerful yet subtle foe, this alcoholism. But we do have a source of infinite wisdom which this disease cannot break, and that is our sober connections near and far. So my suggestion is quite simple: Buckle up, it's going to be an interesting yet sober adventure, for sure.
I usually ask a lot of questions, some good and others, well, not so much. I like to run things by other people before I plot my next course, but that's just me. Maybe you can ask around the meetings for help? You know, about any open apartments for rent. Sober clubs usually have listings for places, so do our local affiliates. Maybe they can help. I usually come across lawyers from time to time during my travels. They always have some good advice on what 'to' do or 'not' to do. For me, recovery is about fellowshipping also, not just about getting sober. The more connected I am the happier I feel, bottom line.
As far as people go, well, that's a different vibe altogether. I'm not always perfect, but I'm not intolerable either. There needs to be even keel when it comes to accepting others or people will continue to behave just like the world does, without any shame. So as the saying goes: "You might be new to A.A. but you're not new to the world". That's the part I need to remember. I'm part of something much, much bigger. My family, on the other hand, have a big enough ego for the both of us. They're always trying to put me down, whenever they possibly can -just like the world does. But like a famous philosopher once said: "No one can make you 'feel' inferior unless you allow them too". So I don't, ever. It's not who we are anyway. If recovery has taught us anything, besides living sober, it would be simple: Be tolerant of others -regardless, not apathetic of them. It's the only attitude I choose to display, how about you? Onward.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 22nd of September 2012 01:29:59 AM
I guess I need to really accept the fact that life will continue to throw me curve balls and there is no such thing as out of the woods with this disease. Its my third Friday night in a row sober and I wish it was like the saying..."third times a charm" but I know thats not the case. I really thought I was moving forward from almost three weeks ago when, yes I was as stupid as it it gets, yes I was terribly drunk, yes I have breated myself over and over for the things that I have done, but yes that I chose to get sober BUT.....I was wrong thinking it was totally in the past. Yet another wonderful person held up yet another mirror (not to creative because it was the same mirror as the last ha ha) but it hurt equally bad . I am sure you all can understand why my first thought was to drink (and I drove away with some new tears) but I drove all the way home without stopping, hating myself all over again. Will it ever end? I feel like in aa I get so much support and positive vibes thrown my way but on the outside world wht I'm doing means nothing to anyone, they can only bring up the bad. Is there some reason this is so, maybe for life balance? Maybe to keep reminding me of my shortcomings and my stupidity in alcohol? I guess that would be an okay reason but I just don't want it to be a reason (another reason I should say) to drink. I can give you a whole list of reasons that could send me over the edge. The one that started my last and hopefully final binge is my landlords gave me there intentions to sue me. Luckily this is not an alcoholic issue, I had found a new bigger place and I gave my notice but 3 days later the new place came back with lead so I told my landlords I needed more time and they said no I had to get out by the end of the month (which was 3 weeks ago) and now they are suing me to get out. I have no where else to go as of now and have been actively looking but its a tough market. The point of all that is I was supposed to move out on a Friday and my last binge was that Sunday (they gave menotice the day before). So I have many many reasons why I would normally drink. I don't need anymore but life keeps throwing more at me. arghhh.....
The good news is I'm still sober today. Any thoughts?
Congrats for not drinking up to this point ... perhaps you're expecting too much to be fixed already ... it took a long time for me to get as sick as I did, so it's took a long time to recover from the damage to mind and body ... don't rush things, you're doing great ... peace and serenity come in due time ...
Sounds like you're doing exactly what I used to do, look for an excuse to drink ... fact is, there is NO good excuse, it's all fantasy ... I fantasized the drink making me feel better when I knew it wouldn't last ... replace those thoughts with something new ... ... ... there's an old saying in AA ...
"there's absolutely no problem going on in your life today, that a drink or a drug won't make worse ... " ... there, the truth ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Sorry about your situation. Read your post multiple times and understand your anger and frustration. Like somebody that has already posted, how would taking a drink help out your sitiuation? Hope that you reach out to people in the rooms. I have to remind myself constantly that there is nothing unique about my past experiences. someone in the rooms has been thru the problem and all I have to do is reach out. Im just coming back and only 8 days sober, so please dont put to much wieght on my pearls of wisdom. Was sober along time, but decided that it would be a good idea to try some controlled drinking. Didnt work out to well. Three weeks out there and wound up in a 6 hour black out. Was willing to throw away a 20 year marriage for this experiment. I understand in my own case that it will take along time, a day at a time, to clean the wreckage of (MY) bad decision. Bottom Line, consider what the other people have posted, reach out to the club meeting and your answer might be just around the courner. Take it easy on yourself. the situation will probably work out. maybe not the way that you wanted or thought, but it will work out. -
Day 20 is remarkable, believe me ... way to go ... keep some patience in your back pocket and you'll get through this 'period' just fine ... don't let the demons try and move in on your 'common sense' here ... You know the solution is right in front of you ... just continue to learn how to live in it ... it's not that hard and the rewards are indescribable ...
Welcome George S ... glad you found us AND glad you decided to come back after your experiment ... trust me, I know how it feels to do the 'controlled drinking' thingy ... a few weeks and it gets worse than you ever were before, I know ... congrats on returning to the solution that you know works ...
Tasha ... ... ... I hate when that happens ... ... ... 2 weeks ago, I typed out one of my longer responses to someone here on the board, and I mean just as I moved the mouse thingy to click on 'submit post', ... the freakin' power went off and was off for about an hour ... my post was pretty blunt and kinda' harsh, for me, and I couldn't help but consider, hummmmm ... ... ... Was someone trying to tell me there was a better way to say what I did or was it better to simply keep my mouth shut ??? ... as I sat and thought during the 'blackout' ... I decided my input on the subject was really better left unsaid, so I forgot about it and went to another train of thought ... (it's freaky how you experience and describe scenes and scenarios that are sooo 'just-like' what I experience ... like the meetings we went to a week or two back where we had the exact same topic for discussion ... you're starting to scare me ... LOL)
Have a great weekend all, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Saturday 22nd of September 2012 09:45:56 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I am not going to turn to drinking and I know it wil be hard, its just tough some days. I wish it could be easier but it seemsthe easier I want it the harder it is :) I know I will get through, and everything alwayus seems to work itself out in the end but the process is hard. I like the comment "no one can make me feel inferior unless I let them" I am giong with that today and see what happens. Well its day 20 today and I am off to take a 4 hour test for my state teacher liscensure and then work. Have a great day all!!!
I wrote you a looooooooooong response last night - and just as I was finishing - my computer crashed! I guess that comment was NOT meant to be! LOL. I remember how frustrated I would have felt at something like that, but today, I can accept easily, that I am always right where I am suppose to be. What is happening to me, no matter what it is, is an opportunity for growth. That was a small opportunity for me to practice living life on life's terms... and it felt so much better turning it over to my HP. The image of the Tasmanian devil in one of his "fits" would describe how I would have reacted in the past.
And you know what's cool - even though you didn't get to see that comment last night - it still helped me to try and give to you what was given freely to me. Because I turned it over, I got to appreciate what happened, all of it - the whole experience. In the past, I wouldn't have gotten past my fuming to be in a place of gratitude for sobriety and life.
You'll be able to help a lot of people grow and learn as a teacher Aliasisme - I am a teacher, and it is tremendously fulfilling, but nothing compares to the lessons learned and shared with another alcoholic in the program. That is a true gift, and I hope you work this program - meetings - sponsor - big book - step work - so you can experience all this program and recovery have to offer too.
(((hugs))) Tasha
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
