So even tho I do not post much I'm here everyday. I'm just 2 weeks shy of 5 months sober! And 10 months smoke free. Why have these past few days been the hardest?? As I read earlier my disease is doing some push ups. Is this my pink cloud, or is it the fact that I used to love drinking outdoors during this time of year? I have worked to hard the past months to give in. I've the best I have been in a long time, but my mind is battling me. Enjoy that one drink, you can control, you can be like everyone else, you can go to the bar with some friends to celebrate a friends promotion. You can do it. No I can't I am powerless I will always be powerless to the drink. I'll get past this hump, but why now??
Youll be glad if you stayed sober in the long run. I get cravings and im at 9 and a half months, but dont give in to them, my illness is always telling me things and trying to drag me down, but dont let alcohol come into the picture, itll just put you in trouble...
King Alcohol figures anytime is a good time ... He's telling you 'why not now?' ... ... Don't listen to him he'll take you down if he can ... you're 'old thinking' habits are trying to make a 'comeback' ...
Make sure you're practicing the program in all you do ... prayers were critical for me to get through the first year and still are ... I suggest another inventory to see if you can spot some 'stinkin' thinkin' ... and do what you must to keep your mind trained on the right things and the right thoughts ...
I can't tell you how many times I thought I had enough self control after being dry for a while, only to try a little controlled drinking ... yep that led me back to a seat reserved for me in the AA rooms ...
Just sayin' ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I have to agree with Pappy and Brian, flipper. There's no easy solution, only a daily reprieve contingent upon our spiritual conditioning. My suggestion...remain focused. It's the only alternative that seems to work.
Because God is letting you know you're ready to do more heavy lifting. The question is, what will you do? Is it time to find a sponsor to guide you through the Big Book? You will want to lift the right thing...not a bottle but a book.
-- Edited by odat on Friday 21st of September 2012 09:28:13 AM
I cannot say for sure why now.....but I can say that the most time I could ever get stopping on my own was a little over 4 months. It was at that point where I would say "life is too boring" and would pick up drinking again.
I'm not sure how much you are involved with the program - pretty sure you have stated you are working it pretty hard. You obviously didn't pick up that "disease is doing pushups" saying on your own :) That one is pretty standard AA lingo. Stay in the middle of the AA row boat and you will not fall out.
To a certain degree I was scared shitless I was going to wind up drunk despite all of the AA and the dedication to being sober and that lasted my whole first year. We obsess over things. Us alcoholics can spend hours pondering things that don't help us and we can complicate the most simple things. Best not to ask why. Just keep doing the next right thing.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I would just hypothesize that something has hit your awareness about needing to change more. The whole first year and much of the 2nd was full of painful, but ultimately, freeing growth. Hence, there were growing PAINS. Everything you are walking through sober right now is raw and new. You are experiencing life on life's terms over a prolonged period and you wont always know what triggers a reaction of just wanting to shut down (which was ordinarily our cue to drink before). I do recall feeling like the world was moving too fast and the changes within me were happening so radically that I just wanted it all to stop. That was similar to a craving and I think many folks experience that discomfort of early sobriety as actual craving. You don't need to obsess over what it is. If you stick with the program and work it, the changes will happen within you. I didn't know how it was going to work for me, but it all played out.
So after I just told you not to guess at what it might be - I just guessed for you. Now your mind can rest easy. LOL.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks everyone. Its like the cartoons devil on one shoulder, angel on the other. I know which to listen to but boy the devil sounds like a good ol' party. I have yet to go to a meeting, been all readings and online, but I think I am ready. Time has always been an issue but there is on only a few miles away that works with my schedule, only thing, its only once a week. I'll keep you all posted. Thanks once again
Hard to say for sure. Early on I had to be more carful when I was feeling good, than where I was upset.
This is your first sober Fall, what beautiful days we have been having (here in GA anyway), the leaves are turning, my favorite time of the year. Just need to stay sober and connected.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Have you prehaps had the honeymoon period & now it's on with the programme? Weather will do it,the first 12 months are the hardest & most get a honeymoon (easy time),experience what you are now-I see it as typical thing.It's a test,you need to dig your heels in & not be led astray,there's no fun going back. You must have needed AA's help & you have experienced a great time off alcohol,good for you.Reality is if you could have just one or a couple & stop-you'd NOT joined AA.I can't have one because I CAN'T stop at one or a few,I'm an alcoholic.............when hard times hit,it is just a question of do I want my old addicted to alcohol life back?? NO!!!!!! I've just joined this group & been in AA over 21 yrs +8 months roughly,most of it off the booze.One day at a time I'm 11 yrs sober. Write down your feelings if it helps,post on this group,go to your meetings,talk to fellow AA members etc. There's always something that'll lead us back to it,they call it addiction doing push ups waiting for a time to get you back drinking. I hope you stick with sobriety.
I just got a memory of being about 5 months sober. A guy in my homegroup onvited me to his house for dinner. He prepared this big deal and all...and after we ate we sat on the couch to watch a movie...I fell asleep around 9pm..
Of course I was too naive then to know not to go to one of the men's homes for dinner...in any event my point here is my body and mind were catching up with themselves after 15 years of drinking. I remember being awakened by him....he was somewhat angry and said, "Come on. Ya gotta go now." My head had been sort of nodding and I think he figured I was high on something...it didn't occur to me until years later that was why he was angry. It was one of the most relaxed phases of my life.
