Ok Basically i have a saint wife and she in no way shape or form resembles and alc/addict. Is there some stuff you can say to her to try to get her to understand where im coming from. my dream is for her to go to alanon but its kinda messed up for me to preach that she go. i want her to be attracted to alanon!!!! can maybe a normal wife with an alcoholic husband whos been here give me some words plz
There is an alanon board on this site just like this AA message board.
I find the best way to "win over" (probably the wrong choice of words) my spouse is to walk the talk. Even just a few basic concepts that you can provide her with by giving her a short bit of literature helps. Our club house holds both alanon and AA - so the literature is everywhere - and online.
Good luck - I have the same wish - but currently get to practice patience.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
My wife is one of those "normal" people. She has never gone to alanon. She really didn't need to. Keep in mind that alanon is for the family member to help themselves, it's not for the benefit of the alcoholic.
My partner is a normie. He gets a kick out of being called "normie" and "an earth person." Sometimes I think he could benefit from alanon but most of the time I am just grateful for the way he is (for once in a relationship I do not want to change the other person).
The alanon board here would be helpful. I participate over there cuz it enhances my program. It's been useful to me personally - even though the relationship I had with my ex who would be considered my "qualifier" has been over for several years.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Aloha yayo and thanks for the share...I'm a double (member of both programs and started in Al-anon) and your post made me want to choke as it sounds exactly like the spouse calling for help for the alcoholic in their life. No matter just like the alcoholic...if she ain't ready...she ain't ready. I know that from experience and so I had to go back out (as an Al-Anon member) and making another run at fixing my spouse before getting into the program and self focusing while she continued to drink and use. Good for you and your recovery...walk the talk is the best suggestion I've heard and as you learn to accept yourself unconditionally...learn to do the same for your "normie". Your sobriety is 100 percent your responsibility and you don't need her to verify it. Love her anyway; speak your own language and if she asks you to explain? give her the short story and an Al-Anon meeting schedule for reference...then go back to loving her unconditionally. By the way one of the caveats we mention at the end of the Al-Anon face to face meetings is..."We are not saints..." Good luck and turn her over.
Most guys try to keep their wife from going to al-anon LOL. Tasha had some good suggestions.
If you want to get her to understand you more, why not take her to open AA meetings...speaker meetings are best as they are not interactive. When I was single and dating "normies" I would always take them to speaker meetings and they seemed to get something out of the message and typically enjoyed and learned some things.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
My wife is one of those "normal" people. She has never gone to alanon. She really didn't need to. Keep in mind that alanon is for the family member to help themselves, it's not for the benefit of the alcoholic.
I agree with Dean. I would focus on myself, primarily. If she needs additional support 'herself' then Alanon may be a good fit. But that's for her to decide. My suggestion: Give time, time and recovery that much more. It's the only decision worth striving for. Everything else is not for us to decide.
My wife is one of those "normal" people. She has never gone to alanon. She really didn't need to. Keep in mind that alanon is for the family member to help themselves, it's not for the benefit of the alcoholic.
this is the same situation i'm in with my husband. he stopped drinking completely after i'd been sober for about a year for no reason. it still baffles me, why would someone who isn't an alcoholic stop drinking??? it's been many years and i still don't get it. he just doesn't need/want/miss drinking.
My wife has a glass of wine about 6 times a year. I never drank wine so it doesn't even register on my radar screen as alcohol lol. I haven't had an urge to drink since 6 months sober, just after I completed my 5th step. It's a miracle.
Good point chris - I can't imagine how people can just not drink all by themselves. Just quit and not think about it - so weird! So proves that the only thing normal about me, is what a normal alcoholic I am. WOW!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
When they see we have a little recovery for a while sometimes they are attracted to 12-step fellowship. I follow the paragraph on pg 83 about the family.
