Yes - but you can choose to look at the "real you" the authentic you that has the qualities your God gave you - and the rest as just the ugly disease. That's not you today. You are not your disease today - you are sober and free!
-- Edited by justadrunk on Tuesday 18th of September 2012 03:52:55 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hey all:) I've noticed quite a few changes within the past 4 months of sobriety. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was just kinda a mess. I thought that my brain just didn't function 'normally' anymore lol. I was foggy, exhausted, easily confused.. My memory was kinda gone. I had no focus or clarity in daily functioning. I honestly thought I was suffering some form of brain damage due to my excessive drinking. I also felt totally insane often haha. Emotional roller coaster doesn't cover the constant sense of turmoil I felt I was in. Physically? Just an exhaustion like I'd never felt.. I'll really. So yesterday I'm going about my day and I'm thinking 'huh, strange, nothing's WRONG' today. I'm feeling ok. Strange' ( hahaha- how strange that I think this odd). Then I realize I've had many days like this lately. It's as though I'm finally settling into being a sober person. I'm more in tune with myself and others around me. I noticed yesterday at work that the people I thought I didn't get along with are actually kinda cool and funny people.. I guess I didn't realize it wasn't THEM all along, it was me and my imagined resentments that kept me away from connecting with them. It's like I'm still living in the same world on a day to day basis, but my own perceptions have changed it into a completely different place.
This is what's called 'recovery' ... ... ... I think you're starting to notice the new you ... and it only gets better with time ... things just start seemingly to work themselves out ...
Our perception has changed AND, our whole attitude and outlook on life has changed ... (the promises coming true)
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It's amazing the perspective that sobriety provides. I felt the same way as you in early sobriety. (Of course my mental disorder keeps me on the emotional rollercoaster - but at least now, I don't have to worry about the alcohol amplifying everything.) It was such a great day when I realized the fog had lifted and I was seeing things in a brand new light. :) Thanks for sharing this, Col!
Yes, pappy, my point exactly. When I began on this journey, I would sit in meetings listening to the 'promises' being recited thinking cynically 'yeah, sure, whatever you say... But you all don't know me'... Well, I'm an alcoholic, no better or worse than anyone else sitting in the halls yknow? Im keeping in with the program, but I'm no longer just 'going through the motions'.. This stuff actually does work! It's humbling and wonderful to see that it's working for ME as well:)
I feel now like you did previously. congratulations! I hope to feel your clarity someday. Actually there have been a few days like that but it was an internal thing, like I am glad I am finally getting sober. I am on day 16 sober and I feel like a roller coaster sometimes myself. I had someone hold a mirror to myself (they actually told me to look in the mirror) and I had an emotional melt down. They told me what all of my friends really think about me and that I am angry all the time. It is hard to see that when your drinking. It's hard to see the person you become when your a drunk. I still can't beleive it. It made me feel an all time low. I drove past several liquor stores but the good thing is I kept driving. If ever there was a time to hit the bottle it was yesterday and I didn't. I probable cried enough to fill a bottle lol. I just have to stop feeling sorry for myself because of the words that cut me up. I know and understand why I would get angry and I know that person is not me. It's just hard for others to see it if they don't understand it.
Congrats again Col, I am so happy that you are having more and more days of clarity.I wish you a lifetime of that feeling!
This is what it's all about ... a good look at the real you ... I used to look in the mirror when I was drinking and curse at myself ... I couldn't believe what I'd become ... and this total honesty bit here was a big pill to swallow ... and I too, cried at the mere thought of all the years I wasted and the real old man in the mirror was living proof of what I did to myself ... I won't go as far as to say I look younger now that I've been sober a while, like PinkChip, but I look much improved ... they gave me a photo of me coming into Rehab once, and I run across it ever once in a blue moon ... WOW, is all I can say, I did look like dog poop ... being held up on both sides by aides ...
Glad you made it through yesterday without doing anything stupid when you passed the liquor stores ... THAT took me a while to get the 'pull' they have, out of my mind ... now I hardly recognize or pay attention to them anymore ... we all need a good cry sometimes, so don't let that faze you at all ... I had a lot of them early in recovery too ... but since I'm a guy, don't tell anybody ... LOL
love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks. I just have to focus on the now and getting through the day. The "pull" may always be there but I have to be bigger than it. I have prayed so much in the past few weeks and I have to hold on to the thought that I am good person without the booze and my friends will see that again.
That's awesome aliasisme - you know you are beautiful on the inside - and you always were. Just let that "be" for a while... the addiction doesn't want you to believe it, but you don't have to listen to it. You're inspiring just like Col - and I am so happy you guys are here : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I felt that way too in early sobriety, but it didn't last very long. After 6 months or so I started to feel like myself again, thanks be to God. Maybe your time has finally come? Just, maybe. We're happy for you Colleen. Keep that momentum going.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 19th of September 2012 12:26:08 AM
Hey alias:) I know exactly what you mean... I remember in the first month or so realizing MANY things about myself that weren't do great. Nobody had to say anything to me , I had my own mirror, and it dawned on me pretty early on that I could be an extremely difficult person to deal with. I has built up a fortress around myself to hide in.. If anyone threatened this in any way I lashed out in rage. As Ive progressed in sobriety I've softened quite a bit, my friends always liked me and cared about me, but they were also kinda afraid of me- I have a gift for sarcasm that I didn't realize could actually really hurt people. It's great to see that people are more willing and eager to approach me without fear of a biting comment or fierce sarcasm that I THOUGHT was funny. I know it sucks to have to face the not so wonderful things about yourself, but the mirror also shows the GOOD qualities, as well:) you have many
The title of your post is perfect. Our brains do clear up a lot when we stay away from alcohol for a while. Good for you!
This means we can start working the program of recovery (12 steps) whenever we get the willingness.
I noticed someone mentioning the Step 9 promises and feeling like, "Where are they?" I sat in meetings for 8 years wondering that myself, and i find today that I was far from alone in that but no one was admitting it.
Then at a big book study meeting I learned they happen before I am halfway through step 9, just like the Big Book indicates. I had never done the work in the Big Book with a sponsor and gotten that far.
There is always more we can do. It's a lifetime errand, even in the latter steps.
