Hello everyone, I have come upon my third week of being sober, and no, still no meetings, if some of ya need to know, and no sponser, well like I said, just awsome support from my wife and kids!
I'm finding in my healing that more and more that my family is to blame for all that is happened to me, My dad, a father at his church, is the biggest sinner I have ever met, leaving my mother with six kids for another women, not being part of my life at all, then coming back asking for forgiveness, which I forgave him, but turned him away after finding out, both my mother and father was cheating on each other! and they still tell lies to this day, Thats why turning away from them has been making me being sober easy!
My siblings? Hmmm,,loser's, when I was 16 I left home, still finished school and worked, had my own place at 17, but partying hard, which my brothers had pushed drugs and booze on me like it was ok too, its cool, I was told, they were wrong, and I blame them for it and wish not to be around them, guess what, they are still living with my mom at 46 and up, and are messed up in the head today, I'm just sick of all of them, and walking away from them, The new me is taking over and washing my hands of them, I'm helping myself at the moment, and with them in my life it is making things harder, I'm done with the drama and the negitive energy they bring me! I wont go into detail, but really, they are some f--ked up people that need more help than I do, mentally!
So anyway's, proud of myself here, the other day as I got home from work, about to get in the shower, and then I thought to myself, wow, I'm not even thinking of drinking anymore, I'm going to bed with no problem, I'm looking good in the mirror, and sorry, but the sex with my wife has been awsome, think I'm at a record, almost every day but two since not drinking! Whoot, sorry, but I had to share that!
Well I have a big day today, taking the kids out fishing again, getting back here by 6pm for my Skate training at the rink, I'm getting better, really, still not ready to join the Hockey teams there, but soon! Im 42, lol! Hope there is no hockey lock out for the NHL! :(
For everyone esle, keep God close and stay busy, stay away from drama, its the evil that will call you back to drinking, eat right and stay positive, things will get better, alot better!
Paul, I hope you are journaling this stuff. You know down the road you will face challenges and have bad days, but you want to keep all the insights and reasons for not drinking at the forefront. Right now you have some clarity and it needs to get so drilled into your head that even when your world seems bleak, you still don't get to thinking that alcohol is an option.
Of course I can look back on my family dynamics and think how they may have contributed to the development of my drinking, but at the end of the day, it's MY disease. That disease is inside ME. Insights on my family help me to better deal with them and avoid stress that might make me feel like drinking but at some point that stress is going to come from somewhere else.
Detaching from you family is something to do for you sanity but not necessarily your alcoholism. Probably none of them purposely set out to hurt you in their actions. True forgiveness would be ideal (and that doesn't mean you still interact with them if you don't want to).
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Conrats on 3 weeks also!! I really like what you guys had to say but just an additional comment on the relationship aspect of it. I have also found that part to be wonderful. And the best part of the intamacy for me has been not passing out afterwards. Thursday night we just talked and talked and talked after. It used to be that If I remembered the whole thing, I would still just pass out after. I feel closer than ever to my boyfriend and he has surprised me completely by taking a complete turn and supporting me. It has been exactly what I needed. I worked til midnight last night and some of our friends wanted us to stay for drinks, of course I said no I was ready to go home but it was him who was ready to leave with me hand in hand. It has been really nice spending sober time with him.
Congradulations Paul on the 3 weeks!! It was in the meeting rooms that I learned to take full responsibility for my drinking and the consequences. Blaming others is dangerous. It holds others responsible for my choices. Stay the course!!
Hey Paul congrats on 3 weeks! Sounds like you're clearing out some of the deadwood in your life lol. Most of us have disfunctional families to one extent or another. Lots of alcoholism in my family tree, including both parents. Mom is 37 years sober now and lit the way for me 14 years after she joined AA.
Hi Paul, Glad your deciding to stay sober. Ive felt like almost dropping bombs on my family some days but in the end, its family, and familys family, although hard at times... glad your starting to make changes and keep eating right too!, thats something a lot of people miss! Peace be with you.
Wow, Thanks everyone! Going on my 4th week now, I keep thinking I'm in the clear, but trust me, it still call's my name! Cant watch TV with a Ad coming on for beer, and the Wall of evil at the store behind the counter staring at me, feels good to turn the other cheek and say, sorry my old friend, but you lied to me, cheated me, and you took alot of my money, I found someone esle to hang with! LOL!
Welcome!!! Day at a time,weeks turn to months,months to years.Congrats.